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Husband left me last week

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by diamondjane, Dec 12, 2018.

  1. lizziescat

    lizziescat Star commenter

    diamondjane and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  2. diamondjane

    diamondjane Occasional commenter

    Thankyou @sunshineneeded
    I've had lots of support from people who have 'been there, done that', like yourself. It's all helpful because everybody has moved on and most have no regrets.
    I'm having a teeny wobble today because I know they are off on holiday this week and we always had great holidays. It was on holiday that we were really connected and got on so well. So I miss that. But there's a lot I don't miss! And I can still have holidays with people I'm connected with. It will pass.
  3. HelenREMfan

    HelenREMfan Star commenter

    Look forward to your cruise @diamondjane ...... it's a super holiday...... and you're so well looked after by staff.... (well certainly the situation with Celebrity Cruises)
    I have been extremely extravagant and have booked a suite..... this comes with a butler! It is also a large room at the rear of the ship with a very large balcony.... I can't wait (65 days to go !!)
    So am sure you have an excellent holiday in prospect :)
    SundaeTrifle and diamondjane like this.
  4. Bedlam3

    Bedlam3 Star commenter

    Well down @diamondjane thats fantastic!
  5. diamondjane

    diamondjane Occasional commenter

    Good morning lovely people. I just need a little help with a decision.
    My soon-to-be ex husband has asked me if I want the dog back. Seems he's going back to work full time (he's 60) and can no longer give her the attention she needs. She's a 3 year old cavalier King Charles spaniel. He will re-home her if I don't have her. Clearly his new woman is not able to manage her alongside her two Lhasa apso yappy things. And being on a pension doesn't work for their lifestyle !
    I felt really sad to think of her going to strangers and it tapped into my own feelings of being rejected once no longer meeting the needs of the moment!
    But I've got used to life without a dog. I have two days when she would be left on her own for quite a long time. On the other five I would be available to spend time with her around my other commitments. Does that sound ok? From the dog's needs point of view I mean? I could always get a dog walker a couple of days a week. Something he clearly hadn't considered!
    It's thrown me a bit as it's not something I expected at all. I've not seen her since February when I reluctantly gave her up to him. But sometimes unexpected things are for a reason and my gut instinct is to say yes I'll have her back. Any thoughts welcome. I'm mainly concerned about whether it's fair to the dog, seeing as I'm busier now as well.
  6. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    Tough decision diamondjane.

    If you loved the dog and would consider having a dog again I'd ask to 'dog-sit' for a couple of days and see how you 'bond' again. It would provide some company, but I know how since we lost our last one, I've said 'no more' as one has so much more freedom, just to do things / go away on spec etc and we are fortunate to 'dog-sit' our son's dogs on a regular basis, as my husband does miss a dog.

    If the dog doesn't respond to be back with you, it makes the 'emotional decision' easier.

    From the dog's point of view just 2 days when you might need a dog-walker isn't that much of a hardship and the dog isn't a young puppy when it would be more difficult.
  7. HelenREMfan

    HelenREMfan Star commenter

    Hmmm as for the 2 days taking her.....well that would mean contact and to be quite honest....you don't need that.
    I would be tempted to take her if you can be sure of people to take her even when you go away on lovely holidays - well maybe he could have her then.
    I got a small smile of payback when I thought of him having the law laid down to him from new woman :)
    I agree with @Lara mfl 05 that your dog would probably be fine with those 2 days and she would far probably rather be with you than him and the woman and her nappies or a new home.....
  8. Sundaytrekker

    Sundaytrekker Star commenter

    Mmnn, but it’s not all about the dog, is it? You have had to adjust and part of that has been the freedom to live dog free. You have got to a point where you enjoy that freedom. Personally, I wouldn’t give up what I’d worked to put in place and I wouldn’t take the dog in. It will get rehoused to somewhere suitable most likely. But then I’m not a dog lover. You can tell, can’t you? Good luck with the decision.
  9. 7eleven

    7eleven Senior commenter

    If it was me, I’d take the dog back. I think it will be great company for you. It sounds as if you’ve thought about the practicalities.
  10. diamondjane

    diamondjane Occasional commenter

    Thanks everyone. I thought about it a lot and I've decided to have the dog back. It's not to help him out, it's for me (and for Jasmine) - hardly fair of him to just drop her now she doesn't fit into his view if life. But then he did it to his wife ...........
    So she's coming on 24th August - my choice. It's after some commitments I've got and I'll spend the bank holiday weekend settling her back in. The holiday thing is OK. Now that I've got a part time job, I can't just go last minute anyway. I've booked her into her regular boarding for my two booked holidays and I've changed a third one to a dog friendly caravan and I'll take her with me! Sorted. He's signing ownership over to me. It's not a sharing thing. He's giving her up completely!
    Just a little update on the rest - the house sold last week, so I'm househunting for me. Seeing the solicitor next week to discuss the Pension sharing. I'm happy with what the financial advisor has proposed. Ex can't live on half the pensions, that's why he's off back to work. But I can. It doubles my own . Decree Nisi date is 9th August.
    Can't believe it's nearly a year since he announced his future didn't include me! I wonder what will happen next
  11. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    That all sounds very positive jane. :)
    Dogs can be tremendous company and house sale / pension sounds as though you've finally a 'bright future' to look forward to. One where you get to decide for yourself and your own needs.
    diamondjane likes this.
  12. catmother

    catmother Star commenter

    I wish you and your canine friend a great life together.
    diamondjane and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  13. smurphy6

    smurphy6 Senior commenter

    My very best wishes to you and your pup for a healthy, happy future.
    diamondjane and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  14. Sundaytrekker

    Sundaytrekker Star commenter

    I wish you well and good luck with the house hunting. I’m sure it will feel quite exciting to make a fresh start.
  15. cheesypop

    cheesypop Senior commenter

    I’m so happy for you. I think you would have regretted not taking the dog back. In a way it’s to his credit that he asked you before just rehoming. He could have done that.
    My mum divorced my dad when she was in her mid 40s. She then worked all the hours god sent as she didn’t have her own pension. Fast forward 20 years and my god she is living her best retirement life. Best retribution ever for my dad who refused to share his pension but now has an illness which interferes with his retirement plans. He could do with someone looking after him but the grass is greener woman moved on....
  16. sunshineneeded

    sunshineneeded Star commenter

    I'm sure you've made the right decision, diamondjane, especially as you have organised your life very well around your new companion. Wishing you lots of lovely walks and happy times together.
    The divorce is a tricky time - I remember it well - but it does bring real closure. Glad you are getting the financial side sorted, and that the house is sold. House hunting and building a new nest is hard work but very exciting and therapeutic. Don't rush into anything and you'll find the right place.
  17. diamondjane

    diamondjane Occasional commenter

    This will be my last post on this thread.
    Today my solicitor is drafting a court order giving me half of the joint pension amount, half the total savings amount and half the sale proceeds of the house. I've had to fight for every penny of the pension and savings but my solicitor has been amazing.
    In November I will be moving into my own lovely little house near my youngest son and three of my grandchildren. I'll only be 10 mins away from my other son and around the corner from my stepdaughter. I am very much a part of all of their lives.
    I have the dog back now and I love the walks and the company - so glad I made that decision.
    It has been a hard and often tearful journey. My ex husband has put me down, blamed me and damaged my self esteem, in order to make himself feel better about discarding me so brutally. But there will be a reason the universe has set me free and given me this opportunity to be my true self. I'm slowly discovering who I am.
    I'm still doing my little job at the gym, my voluntary job at the crown court and babysitting my grandchildren. But I'm also travelling to new places, spending time with new friends and taking up new hobbies. I now experience joy again.
    To anyone who has to go through this, it's the hardest thing! But from the outset a lot of lovely people supported me and told me it would get better - and it has done. I still have some way to go but I can see the top of the mountain now.
    Lots of love to you all and Thankyou so much xxxx
  18. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    Thanks for the update @diamonjane and so pleased life is beginning to look better for you. Yu may ot post on ths thread, but you can still be a part of the community if you want.
    Sundaytrekker and diamondjane like this.
  19. marlin

    marlin Star commenter

    I wish you good health and much happiness in your new life @diamondjane - you deserve it. Well done for staying strong and getting everything that you are entitled to. x
    Lara mfl 05 and diamondjane like this.
  20. HelenREMfan

    HelenREMfan Star commenter

    Echo the above....so glad things have worked out for you. Well done for staying strong and getting the fair and just outcome! Wishing you all the best and yes ...do stay involved here ...`you never know someone else might need the benefit of your experience in the future !
    diamondjane and Lara mfl 05 like this.

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