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Husband left me last week

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by diamondjane, Dec 12, 2018.

  1. diamondjane

    diamondjane Occasional commenter

    Good morning lovely people.
    I have news. My soon-to-be ex has agreed a financial settlement that I'm happy with. I was right in thinking there was more money than he was owning up to but once it was all out in the open he couldn't argue anymore and has agreed to the 50:50 split of everything without me having to take him down a costly legal route. It means I'll be financially in a good place for the rest of my life! And I will be in control of my own resources which feels good.
    Emotionally I still get the wobbles and I really don't want to see him or speak to him - I negotiated the finances directly with him to save time and money. It derailed me for a while but I'm back on track now. I felt I should be able to be mature and have an ongoing decent relationship with him (it's what he wants). But my children said no, why would I want to when he has treated me so badly! That makes me feel better. They have no expectation that I would choose to be in the same room as him for a very long time!
    The kids have found what they call a 'new kind of normal' with him, which they say is actually not normal at all. I get more of their truth and reality. He is out on a limb but it was his choice.
    So I shall continue to recover and find new enjoyment in life. I'm ready to sell up and move now and with my half I'll be able to buy a lovely home for myself. I am starting paid work at the gym in June which I'm excited about and I have a cruise in September to look forward to (going with a friend).
    Thankyou again for your support and positive stories which gave me hope when the days were still dark. All is brighter now :)
  2. dunnocks

    dunnocks Star commenter


    well done. very brave

    excellent. chin up! There will be dips, but you can ride them out and carry on enjoying life to the full xx
    pepper5, diamondjane and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  3. lizziescat

    lizziescat Star commenter

    So pleased to hear this. You seem to have ‘life’ sorted better than most people I know.
    Have a great cruise ( where are you going?) and Best Wishes.
    pepper5, Lara mfl 05 and diamondjane like this.
  4. smurphy6

    smurphy6 Senior commenter

    I’m so pleased for you. You have come through a horrible experience with your dignity intact. Now for revenge - the best revenge is to live well and be happy. Rest assured at some point in the future he will regret what he has done and he will hear through the grapevine how well you have adapted and how happy you are embracing your new circumstances. More fool him. I send you my very best wishes for the future.
    pepper5, Lara mfl 05 and diamondjane like this.
  5. diamondjane

    diamondjane Occasional commenter

    Cruising the Med @lizziescat. A friend wants to try cruising and I love it so we're doing a week from Palma to see if she likes it too. Then who knows? There may be more cruising
  6. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    So glad things are working out positively now for you diamondjane.

    Being financially secure on your own is so important and the fact that you'll be able to afford a lovely home and even the occasional holiday even better. So many simply cannot afford that after a split and end up compromising on an OK home, because it's all they can afford.

    Enjoy the rest of your life- as smurphys says 'the best revenge' and your kids seem to have their heads screwed on to support you.
  7. sunshineneeded

    sunshineneeded Star commenter

    So pleased to hear your good news, diamondjane. It's fantastic that you can afford a new and lovely home for your family - that's a brilliant 'project' and one which should bring you great satisfaction. And a new job too! With a holiday on the horizon as the icing on the cake. Yes, there will still be odd times of regret and feeling low, but you are in such a strong place now. Well done and have a wonderful summer x
    Lara mfl 05 and diamondjane like this.
  8. diamondjane

    diamondjane Occasional commenter

    Thanks everyone.
    I have started to feel 'happy' again sometimes, just in the moment and for no reason. There is no longer this constant underlying sadness, it's still there, but not all the time now. If I dwell too much on the break up, it still feels awful - so I don't. I switch my thoughts to the positive things ahead of me instead. I have become something of an expert on changng the narrative away from what I have lost, to what I will gain in the long run.
    Counselling has been good for my emotional recovery and I have my physical health which is not to be underestimated.
    I'm still awaiting written agreements of the cash and pension split (which is making me a bit anxious). I also have the house to sell. I'll let you know how that goes xxx
  9. Marshall

    Marshall Star commenter

    diamondjane - it's great to hear some good news come out of a bad situation! Keep positive and start to enjoy the rest of your life! x
    diamondjane, pepper5 and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  10. Lalad

    Lalad Star commenter

    You're doing brilliantly - it's taken you less than a year to reach the point it's taken me years to get to!
    diamondjane, pepper5 and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  11. HelenREMfan

    HelenREMfan Star commenter

    Ooooh very dangerous a week's cruise from Palma!!!! That started the rot and am about 11 cruises later! Love it ! Try Celebrity when you get the chance....so civilised. Great rooms, fabulous staff, good food, great ambience around the ship and....... very few children !!! I will be (touch wood) going to the western Med in Sept having paid a small fortune to be in a suite..... it's only money and what the heck.

    I am so glad you sorted a fair financial settlement for you. As you could probably tell from my posts I regret not listening to my solicitor as "being fair' allowed the ex to do what he has done with its repercussions and effect on the girls. Well done on doing what is right for you and yours. All the very best of luck for the future and have a fab cruise !! (we might even coincide at the odd port!! ) Always feel free to ask for any cruise advice. I recommend the Cruise Critic site.... there is a wealth of information there and you can research your ports. There can also be roll calls where like the TES, people post questions, answers, news of private tours (smaller privately arranged tours usually a great deal cheaper than a ship's excursions!)
    diamondjane and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  12. diamondjane

    diamondjane Occasional commenter

    Ooooh thankyou @HelenREMfan. I might pick your brains sometime. I've been on a couple of PandO cruises. And one to Iceland which was a rickety Cruise&Maritme ship but a fabulous itinerary. Went on the Queen Mary 2 - just a hop up and down The Channel though. Honestly I was still finding new bits of the ship on the day we had to leave - She's HUGE.

    My house is on the market - fingers crossed for that.

    I started a little job at my local ladies gym this week. I had to go away for a week's training in Anatomy, Physiology and Nutrution. I loved it! The job is very different from my teaching career in Early Years - the ladies talk to me one at a time and they can do things for themselves lol. It's a very low stress - high enjoyment job. :)

    AND - drum roll ....... I've booked a holiday for my 60th birthday in January. A cruise in the Far East with another lovely friend who will also be celebrating a birthday while we are away (maybe they will give us an upgrade .) I feel ready now -to do things. My default setting has tipped back to generally happy. I am grateful for that.

    Best wishes everyone xx
  13. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    That is such good news. Once one starts to see light at the end of the tunnel, one can start to feel that 'normal, enjoyable life can be resumed. :)
    pepper5 likes this.
  14. HelenREMfan

    HelenREMfan Star commenter

    @diamondjane you have done so well.... and am so glad things are clearing and settling. It's strange sometimes - like the time one of my friends first said to me she could never understand why I was with my ex! That had never really occurred to me that others could see things I wasn't really admitting to. MrREMfan is a very loving, gentle soul and I expect we appear really incongruous. I think he understands that I am only perfectly horrid when I am in pain.....
    Do go on the Cruise critic site and search for your ship's roll call. Tis a bit like the TES in that people ask questions and get advice and it is nice to link with others prior to the cruise and then sometimes on it. I have always organised "sail aways" where the people on the roll call meet at the Sunset Bar at the rear of the ship where....drinks in hands... we wave Southampton off :) I have also picked up loads of tips....like take some like fridge magnets for pinning ship info leaflets to the walls.... clothes pegs to clip towels onto loungers, shoe tidy to keep all toiletries hanging in the bathroom etc etc. It is great when on these big ships that they can absorb all the cruisers and yet there still remains quiet little places where one can almost be alone. Love cruising :)
    diamondjane and pepper5 like this.
  15. lynneseptember

    lynneseptember Senior commenter

    Really good news from your update, diamondjane. I am pleased to read how things are working out for you.
    Mermaid7 and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  16. diamondjane

    diamondjane Occasional commenter

    Good morning all my lovely 'friends' out there.
    Seems I am now just waiting. Waiting for a financial report on the pensions, waiting for the house to sell, waiting for the divorce to come through.
    But alongside this, I am healing every day. My friends say he is losing his hold over me and yes that's definitely the case. I don't wake up every morning thinking about him anymore and the dreams have stopped. I'm out socialising again and people say I look more relaxed than I have in ages. Family members say I've changed for the better since he left.
    So generally, all is OK. I'm loving my life, and I would not want to go back to the old one now! The new woman is welcome to it all.
    I'll let you know when I get to the end of all the rubbishy bits.
    Best wishes all xxx
    marlin and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  17. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    Thanks for the update diamondjane. It's good to hear that you seem to be coming out of this with a positive attitude.
    The 'waiting' will eventually be over and then you can really start to move forward. :)
    diamondjane likes this.
  18. HelenREMfan

    HelenREMfan Star commenter

    Great news... am glad things are sorting out. It won't happen overnight but lots of positives there :) Am pleased for you. Remain strong....
    diamondjane and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  19. marlin

    marlin Star commenter

    This is so good to read! Well done you! :)
    diamondjane and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  20. sunshineneeded

    sunshineneeded Star commenter

    Such good news, diamondjane. Having been in the same position many years ago, I know that the healing process takes time. But you're well on the way and moving forwards every day. Enjoy the summer!
    diamondjane and Lara mfl 05 like this.

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