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Husband, ex girlfriend, facebook,

Discussion in 'Personal' started by eleanorrigby77, Mar 4, 2012.

  1. eleanorrigby77

    eleanorrigby77 New commenter

    I do not post at all on here but would really like some completely impartial advice. My husband of five years (we have been togather a lot longer) was contacted by his ex last summer on FB. Granted it was a relationship from many years ago but they were pregnant and decided to end the pregnancy due to their ages etc.
    Initially his contact was fairly innocent with just some messages sent on FB etc.He changed a lot towards me so I checked his FB account- very stupid of me I know ! I found they had exchanged mobile numbers and were making some arrangements to meet. He claimed they weren't contacting each other very often (lie) and he did not have her mobile number (lie).
    The messages I saw were quite flirty and she wanted to know lots about our relationship.
    There is loads more but I can't be bothered to type any more.
    I suppose I am asking if you think this is anything to worry about or should I just ignore it as just a couple of people catching up after a long time?
    Many thanks
     
  2. whapbapboogy

    whapbapboogy New commenter

    ah, dear poster.
    You need to sit down with him and have a good, good talk.
    I'm afraid exactly the same thing happened to me- and my husband ran off with his ex.
    You MUST talk to him and tell him he owes it to you to be absolutely honest at all times.
    His relationship with her is in the PAST.
    I really hope this contact with his ex will all come to nothing, but I'm here for you in any case!
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


     
  3. Are you talking to him about it? I think if you aren't then you have more to worry about than if you are. For example, does he know that you know that he has her number? Even him lying about it doesn't necessarily mean he's intending any infidelity. It sounds as if he might have known that you wouldn't be happy about it so may just have been trying to preserve your feelings by keeping it from you.

    Just because she's flirty doesn't mean he's reciprocating.

    The only way you're going to know is to talk about it.
     
  4. eleanorrigby77

    eleanorrigby77 New commenter

    Thanks so much.
    He refuses to talk about it in any depth. He thinks it is none of my business. but as I said once he starts talking about our life together than I'm afraid it is.
    We have two young kids btw.
     
  5. whapbapboogy

    whapbapboogy New commenter

    Ask him how HE would feel if it were the other way round, and it was YOU secretly arranging to meet up with your ex, with whom you were pregnant, and ask him to respect you. Don't feel bad about checking his FB- you are married, you have no secrets from each other. you have done absolutely nothing wrong. At the moment he has not done anything you can't forgive- please tell him this- but he absolutely 100% has to be honest with you from the next time you talk with him about this.
     
  6. Crowbob

    Crowbob Established commenter

    How...noble and...thoughtful of him [​IMG]

     
  7. whapbapboogy

    whapbapboogy New commenter

    he says it's not your business- it is, it is, it is.
     
  8. bombaysapphire

    bombaysapphire Star commenter

    It's not the keeping in touch that I would have a problem with. It's the lying.
    I agree with the suggestion of asking how he would feel if you did similar.
     
  9. angiebabe

    angiebabe New commenter

    Of couse its your bloody business - you are his wife ***! Sorry - was just a bit incensed by him implying it was non of your business.
     
  10. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Lead commenter

    I would say that if you find it necessary to "check his facebook" you have problems anyway. I wouldn't expect my partner to check my facebook,mobile, emails or open my post.
    If you want to discuss it though he should do so. It's then a question of whether you believe what he says.
     
  11. eleanorrigby77

    eleanorrigby77 New commenter

    Exactly- I do not have a prob really with the relationship it is the lying and deceit. He is a great husband, great dad and I we can talk about most things- which is why I worry about this so much. I feel like I am going a tiny bit mental because I can't stop thinking about it.
    She says she is happily married ......
     
  12. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Lead commenter

    As you are, in most respects by the sound of it. Perhaps you could suggest inviting her and her husband to dinner...
     
  13. eleanorrigby77

    eleanorrigby77 New commenter

    Bl00dy good idea!!!!
     
  14. whapbapboogy

    whapbapboogy New commenter

    Surely your husband can see that he has to sort this out now there HAS been lying and deceit? You're married- if you have a problem with it, there is a problem with it. After talking about it with him, I would actually ask him to break off all contact with her, out of respect and love to you- both he and she should respect this request. Seriously. How can it be at all fair on you if he continues talking to her, especially after he's already shown he's gone behind your back in talking to her and not telling you about it? You're his wife. you have kids. Ask him to do this- does he really want to jeapordise your marriage and family? She's just an ex! What would be the big deal in him drawing a line under what they HAD together, in the past? You and keeping you happy are his number one priority in life.
     
  15. I don't agree with this. I think it's controlling. My husband and I were good friends with my ex for a long time until his latest ladyfriend forbade him from talking to us. He's not a happy bunny, and I really was not a threat to her.
     
  16. eleanorrigby77

    eleanorrigby77 New commenter

    I do not like ultimatums as I have nowhere to go if he refuses this request. I do not want him to stop the chats on FB just be honest about it and not create a shoulder to cry on. I am a very reasonable person I think and really love him a lot. [​IMG]
     
  17. whapbapboogy

    whapbapboogy New commenter

    but I'm sure you didn't flirt with your ex behind your husband's back, or lie about talking to him- so there's deceit here that could damage the marriage.

     
  18. whapbapboogy

    whapbapboogy New commenter

    ok, sorry, I will back out- good luck, dear xxxxxxxxxx
     
  19. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Lead commenter

    That seems quite reasonable to me.

    I agree with the person who said that to insist he breaks off all contact is controlling.
     
  20. The Op didn't say that her husband had flirted with his ex, just that she had flirted with him - big difference.
     

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