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Discussion in 'Personal' started by kenners7, Mar 29, 2003.

  1. Happyflower, thanks for that! I'm determined to recover from it, but its a 50-50 battle at the moment. I'm trying to eat more, but still don't want to gain weight! It's awful the way it 'grips' you - so tight - yet logic tells you it's so wrong too! I'm much more frustrated now (at 35) about it than I was as a teenager, because I can see the damage I'm doing - but it still doesn't allow me to stop it!
  2. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Star commenter

    Kenners - will you be going back to the doctor's and getting signed off now?

    Hug for this morning!
  3. Dunno,can't think straight at the mo,not sleeping properly either>Am lucky in the fact that school is supportive and were impressed to see me in yesterday and Monday.
    ILS-hug very much appreciated this morning!Heres one for you too.
  4. Nollie - the weight thing is the killer - and the big issue. The key to getting better is to try to stop obsessing about every pound you may or may not gain, and see the bigger picture.
    I always wanted to kill myslef over every ounce I gained, but then rationally I knew that it was necessary to put on weight for my health.
    Your metabolism is ruined - it will take 2 or 3 years for it to stabilise. Therefore - the weight gain will not stabilise until this time. The ironic thing is that as soon as I started getting a healthier attitude to food, my weight increased to a healthy level and stabilised.
    Of course, I still obsess and let it get the better of me - but I can rationalise it and put it into perspective and I am managing to lead a good life - not based on my appearance from opne day to another.
    There are more "good" days than "bad" (if you know what I mean) - and this isn't based on how much I managed to eat/not eat.
  5. Kenners - sounds like you really need time off, go to GP get signed off until the end of term, you deserve it!!!

    Happyflower - the strange thing is that I know I'm over a stone underweight now. When I started losing it badly last year (not just the weight, but my grip on everything, suffering a breakdown and gettting badly depressed) I was 'shocked' to reach 8st 10, then 8st 7 was really scary, because I hadn't done that for years! But part of me knew I'd secretly aim for 8st, which I hit in Jan and stayed at for 1 month. Then somehow, I got under 8, have hit 7st 10, and am now scared of reaching back up to 8st, although my brain tells me I should be aiming nearer 9st!! It's like, above 8st 10 I'm in control and can keep the 'obsessiveness' under control. The more below that I get the more AN grips me, and now its really winning.

    Sorry to be taking over this thread, Kenners, but it's so nice having Happyflower identify with my problem!
  6. Just had a quick hide under the duvet,still lousy and energyless!
    Nollie-please don't say sorry,you've been such a support and i want you to feel good about yourself too!Its always helpful when someone can identify with what you are going through and happyflower sounds like a star. I only ask if i can have the odd hug?Am trying not to let my depression get the better of me but being dumped hasn't helped.
    I hope we can all have more of those 'good' days soon,mine just seem a long and lonely way off.
  7. You can always have a hug from me, and lots of other people on here are very generous with their hugs.
    Depression is a horrible thing - it gets right into the core of your being and changes all your perceptions and feelings.
    Please get some help, check that what you're taking is working (you are on AD's aren't you?) and give yourself the time and space to recover - and it will be slow, unfortunately.
    Hang on in there -you are worth it! x
  8. First of all: kenners: HUUUUUge HUUUUUUUUUUUG!
    Mmmm,that's better.

    Nollie - it's hard for me to know how to help because I know how I was when I was suffering so badly from it. Nothing anyone said helped. No-one understood how desperate and alone it makes you feel.
    The key is control. Does the illness control you - or do you control the illness?
    It's not your weight that's the issue. You say you are scared to go back to 8 st. Then when you're 6 st. you'll be scared to go up to 7 st. It's a vicious circle and it will only control you until you can sit up and say "NO!" "I will NOT let this beat me!".
    You need to throw away your scales and break all your mirrors and buy new clothes. You need to get rid of all your cookbooks, your self-help giudes or wheatever else you have got around you that fuels your obsession.
    You also need to meet me for a drink - I don't know if I am able to help -but at least I know EXACTLY how you feel and might be able to support you to healthiness.
    Kenners: HUUUUG!
  9. Nollie - one more thing - just read another thread where you said you were emotionally abused.. wanted to say - ME TOO! I have just left (he dumped me but on my instigation) abusive partner after 8 years. He knew I had suffered from anorexia and bulimia - yet still he commented on how "fat" I am (I am a regular weight - not thin, not fat - I have to keep telling this to myself!!)- and how I needed plastic surgery on my nose.
    There is absolutely NO excuse for verbal/emotional abuse. You are a wonderful, intelligent woman - you deserve the BEST. Emotional abuse is the most terrible thing a woman/man can go through.
    Kenners: HUUUUUUG
  10. Happyflower - the mirrors are ok because I know I look skinny in them, the scales I know I should bin because they 'control' me too much.
    As for cookbooks - I don't cook! I don't weigh what I eat, and I don't calorie count, I just don't eat enough and keep avoiding meals (although I make sure my 3 kids eat properly, my hubby always wants to get his own food!!)
    I have bought some new trousers as I ran out of things to fit me - and part of me is delighted to be in size 10 now!
    Unfortunately, my husband can't get past the image of me as a 'bag of bones' and our relationship is extremely strained - we're functioning more as flatmates than partners. he admits he's not able to support me properly through this but will be fine when I've 'got more meat on' - his phrases!
    My parents have started using emotional blackmail like 'think of the kids - what will they do if you end up in hospital' - which obviously I don't intend to do, because I do refuse to get any lighter than this.
    It's just SO hard to visualise myself a stone heavier than this.
    Thanks for your support - it does help knowing people understand.
    HUGS to you and Kenners
  11. Happyflower-massive hugs to my fellow D!
    Nollie-massive hugs!
    Thank you both for being so understanding,you are both brill and if you ever met up for that drink,i'd buy them for you!
    As you said nollie this is messing with my feelings-they're changing all the time.Dunno what i feel like from one moment to the next.I know you are all there its just hard on your own.
    I also realise i have to give the ADs chance to work,again its hard.
    Thanks for the hugs,keep em coming and i'll do likewise.
  12. Good luck to you all and please keep taking the tablets - that sounds bitchy - not meant to I take them too - and they WORK!!

    Be happy when you can, be sad when you are, use your friends when you need to, including here. Do NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP about what you 'can or can't do' just be you!

    You are human, you are worthwhile and you are beautiful. It really does not matter whether you are fat, thin, tall short or anything - YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE YOU - Grasp that right by the throat - don't strangle it though and just say 'here I am' and I am worth it!
  13. Wow, Annie - that's excellent!
    I just hope YOU believe what you wrote and value yourself too, cos you're really great!!!
  14. Hey - nobody wanted a hug in the last hour?
    I can't believe that!
  15. inky

    inky Lead commenter

    She's pretty good when push comes to hug, Annie is.

    HUgs to you all

  16. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Star commenter

    Hi Annie!!!

    Hugs to all.... xx
  17. Annie, as usual your post is brilliant! I just hope you read through and take your own advice. Have a mega hug to you deserve it! Mixu x

    Big hugs to all!
  18. Annie-just lovely,will try to follow it.
    Am feeling okay just tired at the mo.Feel like i might give it a go tomorrow,wish me luck(and hugs).
    HUGS to all for your much appreciated support.
  19. kenners - how are you doing today???
    Have a hug :)
  20. Well,have managed a games lesson but i knew i would as we are doing hockey and thats one thing i enjoy.ICT,numeracy and literacy to go!
    Hugs needed!Thank you nollie,how are you?
    How is everyone?

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