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Hubs passed away during the night...

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Marshall, Oct 19, 2019.

  1. Marshall

    Marshall Star commenter

    ...it was very quick - a DVT and pulmonary embolism and he died without any pain or notice - jut as we had wanted.

    Daughters arrived - first within an hour with son in law and the two others from Manchester about two and a half hours later. They are still here and having a sleep, I'm too wired to sleep.

    Hubs has been collected and we all spent some real quality time with hubs before he was taken away. We did all the Monty Python jokes plus reminiscences and the two daughters who were nurses wanted to wash him and prepare him. He almost looked better than he had done when he was alive! Lots of irreverence, tears and snot - just as he would have wanted. In a way that was our 'celebration of his life'.

    Nearest daughter is coming with me to the funeral directors on Monday and they are determined they want to be involved.

    Don't know how I feel - am I allowed a feel relief?
  2. nomad

    nomad Star commenter

    I am so sorry to read this.

    You are allowed to feel whatever you feel. No feelings you have now are wrong.

    Please feel free to PM me if you wish to.
  3. FrankWolley

    FrankWolley Star commenter

    Many, many condolences.

    And, yes, of course you may feel relief. And pride at the way you stuck to your husband through thick and thin.

    [And as Nomad says, anything you feel is now fine. Put yourself first.)
  4. HelenREMfan

    HelenREMfan Star commenter

    Of course you are "allowed" to feel like this.....or however you want. I am glad that his passing was as described, a relief after the worry of the past months. I hope his daughters can be a comfort to you and wish you strength to deal with all the things you will have to face over the coming weeks. You will cope with it all as you have proved your strength; I would just advise though that you prepare for a 'slump', a reaction which will come along later probably. Recognise that having coped at such an extreme edge and pace for so long there will be a reaction. Forewarned is forearmed is all and make sure you have some "you time" inbuilt to cope with it.
    Thinking of you.
  5. smoothnewt

    smoothnewt Star commenter

    I’ve followed your thread, Marshall, and have really admired your fortitude throughout the emotionally draining months during which you have cared for your husband. He was a lucky man to have had you by his side. You must be going through so many emotions right now. Of course you have the absolute right to feel relief; you must be absolutely drained. It’s good to read that you will have solid support in the coming weeks.
    Be kind to yourself and try to get as much rest as you can. Let others share the burden of the funeral arrangements. At least you can rest happy that you have done all you could and that you were able to enjoy precious bittersweet final moments reminiscing together as a family. Where the final parting is concerned I guess you can’t ask for more than that.
    Thinking of you today and wishing you peace within yourself.
  6. catmother

    catmother Star commenter

    I'm sorry to hear your news but yes,you are allowed to feel relief. Look after yourself.
  7. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    Yes. You are allowed to feel relieved.
    But your feelings and emotions will be on a roller coaster from now until after the funeral, when you will start to feel a bit lost.
    Condolences to you and your family.............never an easy time no matter what.
    Sending hugs.

    Belle x
    Marisha, Lara mfl 05, caress and 8 others like this.
  8. Dunteachin

    Dunteachin Star commenter

    A great relief, shock... a whole load of emotions. You cared for him brilliantly.

    Time to care for yourself, now.
  9. bombaysapphire

    bombaysapphire Star commenter

    Very well put DT. Sending sympathy to you all.
  10. minnie me

    minnie me Star commenter

    A tough time and probably a shock even though the prognosis was so damming. An end to his suffering and your ‘limbo ‘....
  11. frustum

    frustum Star commenter

    Sincere condolences. I can't imagine how you could not feel relief after the last few months; that seems entirely natural.
    Best wishes.
  12. cassandramark2

    cassandramark2 Established commenter

    He couldn’t have asked for a better person to stand beside him over recent months. You have my sympathy, along with my respect for your patience and resilience.
  13. Mangleworzle

    Mangleworzle Star commenter

    So sorry to hear this, I've read your thread from time to time but felt I had noting to add that hadn't already been said. Your approach and caring has been admirable. Tears, laughter, celebration of his life, loss and more will all come at various times, go with it. Glad you are so well supported.
  14. Rott Weiler

    Rott Weiler Star commenter Forum guide

    So sorry to hear this. Death can be a release so it's OK to feel relief. Look after yourself.
  15. BertieBassett2

    BertieBassett2 Star commenter

    My condolences as well - as one who has been there I know that you’re not really on top of your feelings and relief jockeys for top position. The next few days will be challenging so I’m glad the family are rallying around.
  16. artboyusa

    artboyusa Star commenter

    If you handle his death with as the same courage with which you handled his dying, you'll be okay.
  17. Marshall

    Marshall Star commenter

    It's relief for Hubs and the end of his suffering and relief for me too.
  18. needabreak

    needabreak Star commenter

    Sorry to hear your news, I've not been following your experience I'm afraid but my thoughts are with you.
    digoryvenn, foxtail3, knitone and 5 others like this.
  19. Norsemaid

    Norsemaid Senior commenter

    I'm so sorry Marshall but as you have said it's a release for,you and your husband.
    Please look after yourself in the days ahead and if you can keep posting on here as we will be here for you xx
  20. Jamvic

    Jamvic Lead commenter

    Condolences. You must be so proud of your caring children who are being such a massive comfort, providing practical and loving support for you while you process your immediate emotions.

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