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How to deal with parents who make it personal?

Discussion in 'New teachers' started by minnieminx, Apr 6, 2011.

  1. minnieminx

    minnieminx New commenter

    If the parents of the good and hardworking kids think you are doing a great job, then sod the rest.

    Possibly there were no problems the parent knew about before you came, because the last teacher let them run riot?

    Concentrate on all the positive parents.
  2. Parents can smell NQTs, and as a new teacher they want to see how much they can get away with with you. They will try to push you to almost take control of you.

    I had a parent come in on my first day and try to lay out his expectations for how I would teach his son. I said thank you very much, here are my expectations as to how this relationship will continue, and made sure that he only saw me with a member of SLT present for the first term. Since then I have developed a better relationship with this parent (although he called me a liar to my face when his son received a sanction for hitting another child).

    You just have to accept the fact that the parents are trying to push their luck because you are a new teacher. It's nothing personal, and it will eventually stop.

    Chin up.
  3. Dealing with parents is an issue for NQTs. My advice always is to concentrate on the probelm rather than the people - but of courses many parents prefer to make it about the person.
    Most parents don't like top think that their child can be a nightmare ion school and so they ofetn say, 'well he/she is an angel at home' - the fact is you don't know they may well be an angel at home if home is so repressive and punishing that they dare not step out of line for fear of a slap. So they come to school and then they ahve a freedon they don't have at home and they are little devils.
    Conversely at home they may also be a nightmare but the parent does not want to appear as if they cannot cope with their own child and so pretend that nothing is wrong.
    Ultimately you will never win the battle of the parent/angel child syndrome.
    So concentrate on the problem - e.g. the temper tantrums and the behaviour (documented) and ask the parent what their respoinse to such behaviour is andd how they would like you to deal with it.
    Often the parent cannot give advice as they know that teachers cannot jkust shout, sent to a bedroom or give a slap.
    Point out that you have set rules - that applyb to all pupils and that all pupils are treated fairly and equally. Say that you have expectations over behaviour and that with new teachers it is common for children to test the boundaroies until they get used to the new teacher's ways.
    Ask for their support as, ultimately what you want for them is what they want for them which is the best possible educational experiences.
  4. minnieminx

    minnieminx New commenter

    Forget the parents. You win some, you lose some.

    Look on the bright side:
    1 You have the support of your HT, some people work in schools with just this situation and a naff HT.
    2 You have a TA for the child to shout at sometimes.
    3 You won't have to teach this child next year.
    4 The parents refuse to come in. Much better than coming in daily and yelling at you.
    5 Other staff know what the situation is and are on your side.

    Send the child to the HT every single time he expresses a want to go. Do not get into an argument, just send them off with a note that expresses the child's request. Your HT sounds the sort who will soon put the child right on what will happen.
  5. Hello,
    I felt exactly the same as you when I was an NQT last year. I had a few parents who reduced me to tears. However, this year, I have developed a much thicker skin when dealing with parents. Like you, I have the support of my HT who is absolutely brilliant with difficult parents. This helps enormously. There will all be parents who aren't pleased - I had one this year who amongst other ridiculous complaints, said art lessons were a "waste of time because nobody learns anything in subjects like art." I just brushed it off!
    If you know you are doing a good job (which it sounds like you are!), you just have to try your best to remember the parents who are lovely and value what you are doing.

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