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How to change your life?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Stillstayingjohnson, Nov 1, 2015.

  1. Stillstayingjohnson

    Stillstayingjohnson Occasional commenter

    I'm having a bit of a life crisis tbh.

    I am an NQT who has just knocked his first half term clean out of the park (I get lots of praise and positive feedback; I guess it's just me who feels like I'm not doing a great job) . I have done such a good job, that there is already talk of turning my temp contract into a permanent one. This will have something to do with the fact that my life has literally been WORK, since I moved to a new area.

    My issue is that I don't really know what I want to do with my life at the end of this year. I broke up with my ex over christmas, and now I'm stumped. My life's ambition was to qualify and move to NZ, and when I met my ex, this became our dream. It is a dream that she is now making happen, whilst i'm stuck here being an NQT.

    I feel as though teaching is the only thing that I ever wanted to do, and I have destroyed my life pursuing it. She trained in Maths the year before I trained in primary, and is enjoying all that tax free money. I lived with her for 3 years, I moved to be with her, and I was hoping that through being patient we might eventually be able to live the life that I dreamed off. Needless to say, I was a miserable maggot, stressed and poor, and it capitulated. To the point where I am stuck in the 'hopelessly in love' stage, knowing exactly what went wrong, but not being able to fix it.

    In fact, I sent the most cringeworthy, embarrassing text of my life last night, knowing full well that if someone genuinely cared, they would have made an effort to speak in the 9months since you'd split. I offered to go an visit halfterms, and move out at the end of the year. Makes my skin crawl thinking of the needyness. But I really miss her. I want to do all the things that I dreamed of doing together. I've spoken to her a handful of times since we split up, each time I end up confused; 'this isn't goodbye', 'i'm not closing a door', 'i do care about you', 'I'm going to aus/nz a relationship isn't a good idea but I'm never saying never' - all this nonsense that is clearly either for show, or playing on the fact that I am hopeless ***** and an easy back up plan.

    I am intending to use half terms to go on a couple of holidays this year - Sri Lanka, Guatemala. But next year, I really don't know what to do with myself. I have had a few people to tell me to look into teaching abroad, but short of NZ, I don't really know where else that I might enjoy, or how to make it happen . I have considered briefly - Japan, China (recommended by my current headteacher), and put some thought into NZ/AUS (but I feel like it will be tarnished horribly)

    I'm looking for any useful advice, links or people that could help me make a decision on where I can redirect my life cannon. Preferably before I need to squeeze a trigger.

    Never uploaded on a forum before, don't really know how it works, be nice :)
    Eureka! likes this.
  2. Noja

    Noja Senior commenter

    Wow, that's a long post but having read it, I'm not really sure what your problem is. Seems to me you have the world at your feet, just finish the nqt year and then go wherever you fancy that offers you a job. Forget the girl, another will be along before you know it and more adventures will be had. Stop overanalysing and start enjoying life! (I'm older, wishing I was back where you are!)
  3. rachelpaula008

    rachelpaula008 Star commenter

    Don't say that - the last sentence of yours. If you have a genuinely low mood since splitting last Christmas then please speak to your GP.

    Reading your post it sounds as if you have the world at your feet, as Noja has said. Young, clever and a yearning to travel. And it appears you have confidence.

    Why not make a plan and see the world? Go on.
    Noja likes this.
  4. Lascarina

    Lascarina Star commenter

    The world is your oyster,Ssj! And there are plenty more fish in the sea. Don't dwell on the past. Finish your probationary year and look to the future. There are always opportunities. Take care and good luck!
    Dragonlady30 likes this.
  5. pepper5

    pepper5 Star commenter

    I agree with noja in that you should forget the girl, but take some lessons learned and don't make the same mistakes second time around. You can't change the past but you can construct the future.
  6. lanokia

    lanokia Star commenter

    1. You need to find YOUR own place in this world. The past is the past and you need to let it go. If I understand your post correctly your ex is now on the other side of the planet. That's about as far away as an ex can get.

    2. Seek out anything aside from work. I know I'll come across as bitter and cynical but work is really not worth it. Do not invest your hopes and dreams in work. Seek out something beyond it that you can call your own.

    3. If you want to work abroad, dive right in! Ex colleagues of mine who've done this have nothing but high praise for it. I'm peanut and jelly talking to them [jealous]

    4. Realise that at this moment you have a wide array of opportunities and chances ahead of you, a skill set that is the envy of many. You worked damned hard to get here and you deserve it.

    5. Date. Not sleep around. Date. Meet new people, have fun, nice meals, wine, cinema trips, theatre. Use apps or dating sites, or just good old fashioned charm and flirting.

    6. If you are feeling very low ... as @rachelpaula008 alluded to... then seek help, talk to people. Go to your GP, speak to family, friends or phone the Samaritans if needed. Come on here, share with us. But realise you aren't alone... **** mate I've been low, four years ago I had it rough, made some mistakes... now I'm married, happy [yeah job situation sucks but heyho] and I've got a great step-daughter. So you only have amazing sh.it ahead of you.
  7. Orkrider2

    Orkrider2 Star commenter

    It sounds like you're still mourning for the life you thought you were going to have, which now doesn't seem a possibility. It is sad when things don't turn out as you thought they were going to, but you can't change that situation, you can only change your perception of it.
    I like Lanokia's suggestions (though I'd probably say sleep around too, if you want to!). In the short term, I'd say fix a few goals. Book those holidays so you have something to focus on and maybe look into summer teaching placements abroad for next years summer break if you're not sure about committing to teaching abroad. Take the opportunity to do whatever makes you happy while you've got the opportunity to be selfish and not have to compromise or think of a partner's opinions. Join a club, visit friends, keep yourself occupied with whatever hobbies or activites you enjoy the most and refocus yourself back into the present rather than the past.
  8. Findlotte

    Findlotte Established commenter

    Relationships come and go, and plans don't always work out.

    Make a new one, you're single, free and at the start of a great career. Everything is at your feet - what do you want?
  9. Stillstayingjohnson

    Stillstayingjohnson Occasional commenter

    I am Hurt and upset, naturally. But reading the last sentence back, I didn't mean for it to come across in that way. I was referring to giving me something to aim at in my cannon, so that I can fire it and get there. You guys have given some good advice to go on.

    I really appreciate all of your messages. I also don't have internet at my new place, so am on my phone, reading it on a tiny cracked screen. I've just moved house and it's not installed yet. I had a phone data bill overload. So I've not been able to communicate Very well, which is why I think I'm so frustrated.

    Im definitely going to get away in my remaining half terms. I'm just not sure about next year. I'm not really enjoying not knowing where anything is going at the moment. It's stressing me out not having time to make any informed decisions, or plan anything.

    I just don't like feeling like I don't exist. I just miss having a 24/7 mate to goof around with. I suppose cause I've moved, I'm just missing it. I feel a bit like a stranger where I live now. I invested so much of myself into where I lived before. Now it's like starting from scratch. I'm always working, the gym or in the communication dead zone of my house.

    It would be great if someone could give some advice on the process of working abroad, and the differences to this country. Or some inspiration as to where might be an experience.

    I'm not sure whether It would be worth jeopardising a permanent job, in a school that is genuinely lovely.

    Thanks again for your advice. Greatly appreciated :)
  10. HelenREMfan

    HelenREMfan Star commenter

    Can only really send a Hug and echo that things will get better. After all you sound a lovely chap and it is her loss.
    If you weren't a teacher I would be prodding you in the direction of my younger.... don't anyone tell her!!!!
  11. bombaysapphire

    bombaysapphire Star commenter

    I don't have any experience of working overseas. You should look at the Working Overseas forum.

    It sounds as if you are feeling isolated. Could you join a sports team to replace some of your gym time? I appreciate how difficult it is to fit activities in around work but this way you can be keeping fit while making friends locally.
  12. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    The reality...to teach abroad you need that NQT year completed. Pour your time into getting it done and once completed you can then make better choice.Don't do what i do and have a life littered with half completed things and courses and plans.
    Women come and go and I have had my heart broken by many along the way who could not see what a wonderful man they are missing(basically i was too nice and they wanted 'more exciting')More come along and each experience is part of your personality build.Besides without a job and future you can possibly plan or work for much.]#SO:
    Do your NQT and work for it as you don't want to fail that if you want to be a teacher.
    Stop mopping
    Realise if you can attract one woman you can attract more.
    Plan for the future but make one step at a time.'sufficient for the day is the evil thereoff!'
    Best of luck
  13. Dunteachin

    Dunteachin Star commenter

    Stop mopping! Olds, you do make me titter!:D
  14. sparkleghirl

    sparkleghirl Star commenter

    OP First the break up, As someone has said, it does sound as though you're missing the dream of the life you'd have had together as much as the girl herself. I've been there, Relax, don't worry that you're not getting over it, it takes time and it's normal. It can take months or years but that's also normal. You will start to feel better about it and however unlikely it seems now, you will come to realise that it wasn't meant to be.

    Second, the future, Instead of stressing about not knowing what's coming next, start dreaming about all the wonderful opportunities that might arise in the next year. Definitely consider going abroad. Start browsing the job ads to get a flavour of what's out there. Right now you're in a position where you could go ANYWHERE next year which might not be the case if you were in a relationship. Relax and enjoy the ride.
  15. jacob

    jacob Lead commenter

    Sorry, couldn't resist.
    Stillstayingjohnson likes this.
  16. Stillstayingjohnson

    Stillstayingjohnson Occasional commenter

    That's what my brother said to me Jacob Thanks again for the advice people. Soon as I get the Internet I'm gonna start planning.
  17. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    Get working to do your NQT.Dreams come later after you can say i have become a qualified teacher matey!
  18. Dragonlady30

    Dragonlady30 Star commenter

    You don't need the internet to plan, a pencil and paper will do!! ;)
  19. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    Wot you want me to write Miss?

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