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How much should adult children living at home pay for their keep?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Mattie, Jun 14, 2007.

  1. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Dear Child of Mine, We both know that you won't save anything so I am going to insist you pay me for bed and board. Then, when you suddenly decide you want to move out and come to me and moan that you've no money for a deposit/rent etc, I shall be able to help you out. I am saving for your future as you won't do it. Don't pretend you will. I love you but let's be honest. Give me money for bed and board or go paddle your own canoe.

    Ah, but @blazer knows his own kids so his way worked for his family.

    Horses for courses.
     
  2. calamansi

    calamansi Lead commenter

    Can't argue with that, ower Blizer x

    I stand corrected. You're absolutely right.
     
    grumpydogwoman likes this.
  3. HelenREMfan

    HelenREMfan Star commenter

    Ah I am well and truly into this topic.
    Elder daughter - married to someone who the ex and her sister didn't like.... I was ambivalent as after all she was an adult tho described by her sister as "the girl with no common sense". The writing was on the wall for the marriage. He did several tours in the Middle East (he was a squaddie) and they had relocated to the SE for his work. Daughter after several promotions was Head of Eng Faculty at a sec mod. Then all went pear shaped. She was scapegoated in her job (school about to amalgamate with 2 others - new "superhead" seized an opportunity to shed at no cost to the school a head of Fac - admittedly handed to him on a plate by my daughter) and she resigned. First I knew was the phone call asking could she come back home to live as she left house, marriage and job. Yes of course she could come back.
    For a while all was ok.... when able she did some supply. Then she met partner no 2 - again not one to change the world nor her equal academically-wise..... and it ended with them renting my rental property close to here. All trundled along for a while til....... that relationship ended - just became platonic and again she moved back in with us. He remained as my tenant (on a very low rent) By now she has a catalogue of health conditions - mental and physical. This has been the situation for a good while. She is a good hearted girl but untidy, a binge drinker (like her father) loud at times (don't know who on earth she could take after :oops: !!!) She does buy some food at times..... but otherwise I don't ask for money.
    The younger daughter..... has quite some issues with this. She thinks I facilitate the elder's reliance - she has little sympathy for her sister's situation. The elder has had spinal disc surgery - cervical disk replacement - so no "invented" condition there. The surgeon has also decided she has some congenital issues with her spine. She will need similar surgery on the lower spine also. She also has severe gastric reflux - I can't say whether that is psychologically driven. Elder has now met an American over the Internet. Went to the USA to get married - we hadn't even met him, and they are now married and applying for spouse visa for him to come over here (and live with us) I am currently trying to downsize to buy a bungalow which actually has a 3 small room annexe built onto the garage which will actually provide them with somewhere to be "on their own" but by us. The "plan" is that he will get a job and support her. Ultimate aim is to get their own (rented) place. It is a way off though. I feel the elder girl could follow me into doing what I do work wise and I would like to be able to "shoe horn" her into the role whilst I back out and retire...... (I have days when I think that wouldn't be a good idea as by doing my part time hours it make me get off my too large backside, get out of the house and keep my grey cells working..... ) Of course there is no guarantee that my employer would employ her but I could try to recommend her etc and it is something she could manage if the reflux was more controlled and back surgeries done with.
    I don't need her (them) to pay rent. Both girls should inherit (small) property each when I pop my clogs - I inherited from my mother and wish to do the same for them. The younger girl works non-stop at a highly demanding job which needs travel, commuting and to live (rented place) in London. Although earning a good salary she has missed the boat re buying anywhere ......has no partner/relationship as is too busy. I would say the relationship between the 2 girls isn't good..... each professes empathy with the other but.... oh boy jealousies exist and empathy is a completely foreign word re them.
    I am the "piggy in the middle" between them.... I try to keep the peace... worry a bit that the younger girl might stop coming home at all as her patience is worn so thin. The only time they do seem to pull together is when I am embroiled in some serious health situation. I am no saint and there are some advantages to me with the elder living here able to deliver me to rail stations to go to Brum TES meets for example. Both girls were in effect disinherited by their father who allegedly died intestate leaving his 2nd wife his very desirable property, pension (I made no claim on it when divorcing) and any assets - I have made sure that MrREMfan (who both girls are very fond of) and my girls are protected in my will and have tried to be scrupulously fair. They all know what is in my will. In fact when we move MrREMfan is going to make a will and the girls will be his beneficiaries (so doing better by them than their own father)
    So..... there we have it.... what a tangled up situation.....
     
  4. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: (those are for @HelenREMfan)

    Wow.

    My younger one is splitting up with her husband (actual divorce papers are nearly £1,000!) and we have said she can live here. She could also live with her dad. Or her sister. But she says that would be a retrograde step. Which is fair enough. So she's staying put in the rented marital home until I don't know what happens. Up to her.

    The older one lived with us for 6 months or so when she was pregnant as she wasn't on good terms with the father. I can't remember if or what we charged her. She was only just 20 and had packed in uni. She went back to him and they lived for a bit with his folks. Fortunately she has been able to buy her own house (mortgage).

    I'm very lucky. Long may they remain independent. Well, they're both fairly broke but I'd rather bail them out from afar than have them cluttering the place up! ;)
     
    HelenREMfan likes this.
  5. elledriver

    elledriver Lead commenter

    I agree. Probably we should have made it earnings related to increase over time.
     
    lexus300 likes this.
  6. lanokia

    lanokia Star commenter

    Well she's on a 2 day interview today with an international BigPharma corp. So we shall see...

    Still has a year of Uni to suffer through.
     
    HelenREMfan likes this.
  7. elledriver

    elledriver Lead commenter

    Hope she does really well.
    Applying and securing a job in final year is a really smart move. Mine did it. Never regretted the fast start.
     
    lanokia likes this.
  8. lanokia

    lanokia Star commenter

    Fingers and toes crossed for her... she's far brighter than me... deserves all the big bucks.
     
  9. calamansi

    calamansi Lead commenter

    Dear ReHelenREMfan
    There is no insult or offence intended by this post but I have noticed that your posts are personal to the point of bitterness.
     
    catmother likes this.

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