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How much should adult children living at home pay for their keep?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Mattie, Jun 14, 2007.

  1. dumpty

    dumpty Star commenter


    Agree 100%. There are many other and better ways to help out than cold money.

    I just don't agree with those parents who feel it is right to charge their children 'the usual rate ' for rent ( market rates ).

    Then, as an earlier poster said, slag of their kids as lazy and without backbone as they will not move..not realising ( or refusing to realise ) they are the reason they cannot get a deposit together to escape!!!

  2. dumpty: yes agree some parents do charge too much a friend of mine lived with her mum and dad...as soon as she started working her mum divided the entire cost of living (mortgage, all bills, food etc) by 3 and she had to pay that...it was a lot! probably actually cheaper for her to move out and have a small place hehe

    Just don't think some people on here who work and yet pay nothing are quite right
  3. I paid my parents £130 per month. This paid for all my food, driving me to the station,washing cleaning etc..was basically a kept person - which is why I moved out. Couldnt stand not being independent after spending 4 yrs at uni. This was 3 yrs ago.
  4. 88: Indeed. However, if you read my posts properly (sorry!) you will note that I have never "lived at home" beyond the age of 20 as that was when my father's partner moved in.

    The big mistake with money that my parents made - both of them - was not allowing me any freedom with it. They weren't stingy and if I wanted something such as new clothes or CDs I only had to ask and they would buy it. But actually having the freedom to choose whether I bought A or B did not apply.

    That is one matter. I am all in favour of teaching a child how to budget. WHat I cannot understand is demanding large sums of money when YOU are comfortably off from somebody already struggling to make ends meet, especially when that somebody is your child.

    And seren_dipity, I have pointed out all the way through that if the parents are struggling themselves and the contribution from offspring is NEEDED, then that again is different.
  5. I agree completely, Panic. (Goodness...theres a sentence I never thought I'd write....)
    Yes, offspring need to be taught the value of money. If you perceive you have to do this when off-spring are grown-up, though, I think something has gone wrong somewhere.
  6. My parents really helped me a few years ago. I was financially independent and living two hundred miles away from home but was made redundant. Them allowing me to 'sponge' allowed me to go back to University and do my MSc. I never would never have been able to do this if it hadn't been for them allowing me back into the fold so to speak.

    Having said that. I don't feel too proud in some respects. Felt like a step backwards. They have allowed me to financially get back on my feet and now live with my partner and contribute to 50 percent to our own household.
  7. Yes, Cedric Hollow, that's what parents are there for - to support when needed. And you should feel proud of your achievements, as they doubtless do.

  8. catmother

    catmother Star commenter

    Some of the comments made by younger posters are beyond belief.Take,take,take.
    It never ceases to amaze me how some of my colleagues seemed to be taken for a complete ride by some of their children.Colleagues who are comfortably off financially but not wealthy.A lot of them are nearing retirement and in years when they should be saving for their future on a pension,their kids seem to be depleting their parents ressources at an alarming rate.
    Gap year before uni.Go to uni,don't like the course,leave.Get on another course the year after.Finally graduate in the mid tweeties(Media studies anyone?).Wants to have another gap year.
    All the time parents paying enormous amount of money that really they should be saving for retirement.

  9. I don't think anyone has advocated leaving parents short in their retirement.

    If your priorities lie there then at the end of the day it is your money.

    I still remember a conversation between my father and a family friend. The family friend was talking about his daughter and the large amounts of money that he had spent on her first home.
    "What is it there for, if not to help your kids out?" my dad asked.

    I feel the same. I would endure any sacrifice - any at all - to see my son happy.
  10. And catmother - it is hardly take, take, take.

    Who is more selfish?

    The son or daughter who moves back in with his or her parents for a couple of years after univeristy while they save up for their own place.

    Or the parents who demand rent despite not needing it?

    I realise many parents DO need it and that IS different.

    But taking something you don't need, espeically from people you love, is far more selfish than returning home!
  11. I have an older sister who has several kids. The two eldest have left home and she is bringing up five younger ones. She demands money to be sent by the two kids that have left home to help with the costs of the five. They don't earn that much. One is on just under £20k a year and the other has two different jobs in a supermarket.

    She is on benefits and she says it's the difference between them having Christmas presents or not getting any and they should continually contribute all throughout their lives to *her* home. I'm don't think they should be expected to do this.
  12. catmother

    catmother Star commenter

    Here's that notion of "not needing it" again.....
    The logic seems to be that since the parents are in jobs/don't have a mortgage anymore/don't have a fancy lifestyle,they should keep the children in the style they are accustomed to forever and ever.

  13. Absolutely not.

    My father has a better social life than me!!!

  14. Cedric: post 107 the parents are very stupid if they do this and have brought up very selfish kids if they can be financially dependent but choose to sponge....the problem often is people living beyond their means and wanting everything now.

    Post 110: i agree thats terrible of her! Her choice to have all those kids so why should the older ones contribute when i am sure they have their own lives to fund...don't they get enough on benefits!
  15. After I broke up with my partner, I moved back in with my parents plus young son. I wouldn't dream of not giving them money. I think they spent enough on me when I was growing up and shouldn't still have to be doing it while I'm earning.
    They're comfortably off, but I would just feel guilty. I put the phone bill and broadband in my name, give them cash every month and buy them presents to say thanks for putting up with the inconvenience. It's still a massive saving compared with living anywhere else and I don't begrudge them money.
    If you don't pay anything, do you at least pull your weight when it comes to chores?
    calamansi likes this.
  16. catmother

    catmother Star commenter

    Chores are a very good point,Hometimefan.
    I feel that if adults with "proper" jobs are still living at home,there are issues to do with "growing up"(or not in their case!)other than learning to manage money.
    Washing will still appear as per magic:no need for them to learn to get organised with washsing/drying.
    Food will appear in the fridge:no spending Saturday afternoon at Tesco for them. Dad might even take their car to be serviced.Bills will get paid.Insurance will be renewed.And so on.
    25+ years olds still living like 15 years old! No responsabilities.No wonder they don't want to move out,ever!
    calamansi likes this.
  17. Wow! Thank you all so much for your replies and your thoughts on this. You have been very helpful. I really appreciated all the answers and the willingness of so many posters to be open with the details of what they pay or charge.

    I've also found the spin-off discussion very interesting. There definitely seems to be a generational divide here. :)

    I feel that any adult living in a household should pay for his keep. I don't think that the income of one's parents is relevant to this. Unless the parents are extremely wealthy and already have enough money to live a life of luxury until the day they die. I am not actually acquainted with anyone in this position and would guess that they are very thin on the ground. One has to consider the future financial situation, as well as current one. Currently, my husband and I have a good income. But once we retire, things will change a lot. I think quite a lot of parents of adult children are in a similar position.

    I do think that the income of the "child" is relevant. If one's child is very young, in an entry-level, poorly-paying job, then asking for a token amount seems logical. But I think that those earning the sort of income that enables others to live independently, should pay their keep. Keep. Not rent. As I see it, not paying rent, in order to save for a deposit on one's own home, is the point of living with one's parents. Otherwise, to my mind, it's just sponging.

    I think it's also a question of lifestyle. I would suggest that Panicatthedisco's father is rather unusual. I see many more adult children who have a considerably more extravagant lifestyle than their parents. If the "child" is frantically saving for a house, then that's fine. But if he is spending his disposable income on things that his parents cannot, have never, nor will ever be able to, afford, whilst living rent free, then I think the family's values may be a little lopsided. Yes, one wants the best for one's children. But they need to have a sense of priorities, too. I would hope that this sense of priorities would stop them from sponging. But I think this is sometimes not the case. (Incidentally, I think the same is true in the case of grandparent child care.)

    My son is very fortunate in that he has landed a good job. (He will actually be earning more than I do!) But houses here are ridiculously expensive, so buying a home in the town where we live will be out of the question. He'll have to buy somewhere further afield, even once he's saved enough for a deposit.

    I was interested in the comment by Eva_Smith that the more one charges, the longer it will be before the child moves out. LOL. I admit that I hadn't thought of that! I have also considered the idea of the secret savings account. I think it's a lovely idea. But I have also had the same thought as Janemk - perhaps it's better for my child to take total responsibility for all his own saving. I'll reflect upon't.....

    Thank you again, very much, for all your interesting responses.


  18. I wanted to say one more thing. 2Bteacher, your post was humbling and brought tears to my eyes. You sound a wonderful person. I hope that one day you'll be very rich, in more than character alone.

  19. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    Mattie - you've summed up the discussion brilliantly. I wish I could have put my finger on what it was I wanted to convey but you've done so:

    "I feel that any adult living in a household should pay for his keep. I don't think that the income of one's parents is relevant to this."


    "I do think that the income of the "child" is relevant. If one's child is very young, in an entry-level, poorly-paying job, then asking for a token amount seems logical. But I think that those earning the sort of income that enables others to live independently, should pay their keep. Keep. Not rent."

    I think those two statements both sum up my feelings - and perhaps mellow them slightly.

    He's a lucky lad!
  20. calamansi

    calamansi Lead commenter

    Surely adult, working children should pay for their share of food?
    I'd have been embarrassed to freeload off my parents to the extent of expecting them to feed me. Same goes for utilities. Neither of those are rent.

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