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Discussion in 'Personal' started by Mattie, Jun 14, 2007.
But how does taking money from your offspring help them grow up?
I think it depends entirely on context.
My father would not dream of taking money off of me for such a thing, and that would be my preference as a parent too. I have never wanted for anything, nor grown irresponsible, although interest free loans have been given either way.
Depends how you perceive a family, I supose.
But it also depends on the families wealth "I have never wanted for anything" those of us from more austere backgrounds have learnt the value and power money can bring and therefore wish to pass on those values to our more comfortable offspring so they do not get complacent and assume it will always be so. I always made my children and still do pay their way through life and I hope they will theirs. We never know when we will have to fight for our existence and those values need to be engrained at an early age....... x
In this case he has already lived away from home, learned his financial lessons (very well, judging by the OP) and in mutual agreement with his parents is now coming home in order to save more quickly for his own home. I can see no point in trying to "teach a lesson" in this case - a reasonably calculated amount is fine.
Well, my father's "partner" has a son who, when he failed his A levels, was taken to the city centre and told "Find a job or don't come home."
He found a job. For this reason, she regularly trots this story out as a success story. I think it just shows what a cold hearted cow she is!!!
Not really. How long would he have dossed about if she hadn't been firm?
I pay 300 - 400 per month.
My parents are quite good that way. If there is something particulary important that month which I need the bit extra for, they will let me off with paying slightly less.
Yes but sooty the point is the same result could have been achieved without the threats and the coldness.
Supposing she had said, "Don't worry, you have other talents. I'm going to drive you into Cambridge now and I am positive that by the end of today you'll have found a fantastic job!"
Same result, different methods.
Panic I might be mistaken and apologies if I am but didn't you post a hysterical thread the other week about how you hadn't paid a bill and your husband was going to kill you as you had done it several times before and continually messed up??
If so, then your dad and your husband haven't done you any favours as you obviously seem to have trouble looking after yourself and the knock on is that it seems to have caused aggro at home too.
Me and my brothers pay our parents £100 a month each, however, we do pay for the bills between the three of us, my parents only now pay the council tax, and when any of us go to the supermarket, we check in with mum to see if there is anything that is needed at home and buy that but that does not come out of the rent money we pay.
Plus oddjobs round the house etc are paid by us and the parents,and they dont ask us, we have all been paying our way since we turned 18 and have Direct Debits set up so the money goes into parents accounts.
I can't believe some adults don't pay their parents even if they don't 'need' it....i put several of my mum's bills in my name adding up to about £200 per month when at home a few years ago and i think this was a more than reasonable amount considering what it costs me to live now hehe
If you don't pay parents then i certainly hope you treat them lots! especially of they cook or clean for you
While I don't agree with them at all I admire parents who either don't charge their adult children any 'rent' and I'd love to be in a position to save (for them) what mine do give me I'm absolutely horrified by the posters (all young adults) who seem to genuinely believe that it's downright mean of parents to take money (however much or little) from adults living in their home.
Parents allowing them to be rent free is one thing, adult off spring expecting it as their right is another.
...and panic: wait til your children are adults and still 'sponging' off you - I've been on the verge of frog marching mine to job centres, housing associations and flat renting agencies more than once. It's not as if living with teenagers and young adults is easy for grown ups! Sometimes we are driven to it.
My parents have never asked me for a penny - I started giving them money as soon as I started earning voluntarily.
My dad is disabled and medically retired and my mum is his full time carer. I know how hard up they are for money but I also know that I have never gone cold or hungry.
The money I hand in pays council rent, council tax and some bills. If there is anything left over, I tell mum to put it away for a rainy day and hope they can save up to treat themselves.
Teaching is a good profession and I hope to be in a position where I dont have to worry too much about how to pay the bills or not to have to save up if I want a takeaway for a treat. I know my parent have never had this luxury so anything I can do to help them, I will.
Post 92: same here i think volunteering the money without being asked is the right thing to do
My kids will have failed if they are still sponging off me and living at home in thier 20s. Every decent parent should want them to fly the nest, become financially independent and find full new lives for their kids not continue to live thier own lives through them.
well said flowerbug! this was my mum's attitude moved out and got own place age 21, now 24 in second house and quite sorted thanks to her!
Your Mum sounds a very sensible person who still cares but is not prepared to molly coddle and set low expectations for you as I don't intend to with my own kids. People in thier 20s need their own house, friends, space, freedom, challenges and seperate lives not parents shielding them from the harsh realities.
Still seems a very wooden way to look at it, I say.
For example, how can it suddenly be ohh so important and ohh so ' character building' to charge ( often silly ) money when a child is but a few months past 18?
What suddenly happened to make them ohhh so different?
You can't force morals on anyone, not least children. ( Don't we see that daily as teachers? )
A well brought up child will offer money or help. If they, for example, drive mum to the shops or doctors then that should not be looked at again so woodenly as ' you only saved me the bus fare '.
No, they saved you the queues, the walk, the hassle.
A well brought up parent will understand this and decline asking for silly money.
A really good parent will kick the sponging f.uckers out on their ***** surely and encourage them to stand on their own two feet and use some of the previous 11/13/17 years worth of education and skills to get by.
Yes parents do 18 years of support whilst in education...only right to help out for a few years before moving out (hopefully!)