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How much is too much?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by missindependent81, Mar 4, 2012.

  1. missindependent81

    missindependent81 New commenter

    A little advice please, I have been with my current partner for not yet two years and I need to know where I draw the line.

    At xmas we both had to take on second jobs because he was made redundant last year and I agreed to support him in setting up on his own (which has all had to be done under my name due to financial reasons). He had little money at Xmas and I ended up buying all of his kids (from previous relationships) presents. Now we are looking at getting a mortgage which again all has to be done under my name. On top of the business and house and kids we are also trying to start our own family and I also work full time at a completely unrelated job to teaching. While he tells me that he isnt going anywhere and wants to make everything we have together work I can't help thinking that not only have I gone above and beyond the girlfriend duty at Xmas but I also stand to loose a hell of a lot if he gets up and walks one day.
    His ex is a constant pain in our lives and is alaways demanding money from him (which as far as I'm aware he doesnt give her) but I know it happens. I am a very all or nothing person and I believe I can handle everything but at 30 how do I know i'm not taking on too much and burning myself out?

    Vent over.
  2. missindependent81

    missindependent81 New commenter

    Thanks for the advice, hugely appreciated..

    When I say his ex keeps asking him for money I meant above and beyond what the CSA tell him to pay. He has his support in place and sticks to that the rest is her being unreasonable and self centred.

    I am concious that I may have made a rod for my own back at Xmas by buying the presents and since then I have been very controlled in what I pay for and what I dont. I will give him credit though the business we set up is slowly taking off and its down to him and the amount of work he puts in.
  3. PlymouthMaid

    PlymouthMaid Occasional commenter

    This sounds a little like my own situation for the past few years. It is really hard as when you are couple your finances are shared (kind of) but sometimes there is a massive imbalance. I guess you need to know that this is not going to last forever and maybe that you will get the money back one day. It will set you back in life otherwise if we are talking about substantial sums eventually. It can lead to resentment too if you are working and he isnt earning. I dont think you shoul dgive him money any more for the children if the ex is already getting her share as it is your money. Keep some records of how much you loan him and make clear that you expect to be paid back one day if it is more than a few bits and bobs.
  4. jubilee

    jubilee Star commenter

    Is the business in your name because he is not allowed to run one (after previous commercial problems/bankruptcy etc) or because he doesn't want the profits from the business inflating the money he has to pay his ex?
    If the business fails, with debts, you will be personally liable for the debts. If you have a property, the property could be seized to pay off the debts and you could lose any equity (deposit) that you put into it. Any savings you have could be forfeit if the business folds.
    It does sound as though your boyfriend allows others (women) to sort out his responsibilities. Do you want to be in the same situation as his ex, with the added complication of being the legal owner of his business?
    Is the business making any money. Are you completing official paperwork for the business, including declaring any profits or losses on a Tax return? Has the Inland revenue even been informed about the new business? Where will the money come from to settle any tax bill on the business profits?
    If you ened up a single parent in a few year's time, your assessment for CSA funding or for State benefits would be complicated by you having a business and , on paper, the income from it.
  5. Couldn't agree more with the above poster. Do not use your name for his business, do not take out a mortgage in your name unless you 100% want to own your house. At least if you rent you will be able to get out of the mess if it goes pear shaped. I have been evicted more than once due to other peoples' problems even though I am still with him!

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