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How many is too many?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy' started by lucejuce, Feb 6, 2011.

  1. Just that really? I have twin boys aged 5 and a daughter aged 16 months. I am really clucky for another. I had pretty horrific pregnancies with my children, and suffered from bad PND after the boys which only really cleared up when the wee one was born. I am the eldest of 5 children, and growing up in a big family can have its downfalls, like missing out on 1-1 time with a parent and having to share everything. Am I selfish to want another baby? Should I be content with what I have? I realise there are so many people who battle to conceive and so I am not saying this lightly, and I hope this post does not offend anyone. Thanks lucejuce
     
  2. Just that really? I have twin boys aged 5 and a daughter aged 16 months. I am really clucky for another. I had pretty horrific pregnancies with my children, and suffered from bad PND after the boys which only really cleared up when the wee one was born. I am the eldest of 5 children, and growing up in a big family can have its downfalls, like missing out on 1-1 time with a parent and having to share everything. Am I selfish to want another baby? Should I be content with what I have? I realise there are so many people who battle to conceive and so I am not saying this lightly, and I hope this post does not offend anyone. Thanks lucejuce
     
  3. I think this kind of thing is down to personal choice and shouldn't matter what others think. If you and your OH would like more children and have the means to care for them, then why not? I've always liked the idea of having 4 kids, but I'm still waiting to have one!
     
  4. I've always wanted 4 children, but haven't had my first one yet and so it may not go any further than that! It's definitely the parent's own preference and no one can say other wise.
    I'm have 2 older sisters and that seems quite nice (3 children) but then one died when she was 27. It seems a lot quieter(??) without her and only 2 seems... in fact I can't put a word on it... but it basically doesn't seem enough to me. Does that make sense?
    If I can bear to have more children after this one, I would definitely want 3 children and will decide from there whether to have one more or not. I am actually secretly hoping to have twins (2 in 1 pregnancy!)
    When I look at other children who are of a 3 or 4 I only seem to think of the positive things, like having each other for support (when they're older) or having a wider network of friends, big family socials etc. I like it.
     
  5. Im one of 6, in fact im the oldest and I love it, although as a child, especially a teenager I did nt love it quite so much/at all.
    Yes we did nt get 1:1 attention. Money was always tight especially when I was younger, not so much now. No we did nt have holidays abroad or many holidays other than a few trips to butlins. We had fun and life in our house was crazy, chaotic but full of love, laughter, tears and tantrums.
    Im pregnant with my first, and if im lucky enough to have more then i'd like 2 or 3 chilldren.x
     
  6. My Oh is one of 4 and his parents' home is always full of fun. Sounds like they had a great time growing up but they could afford 4 in that they all went for lovely holidays and spent a lot of family time together. I am thinking 3 or 4 but I feel awful at the mo (pg with number 2) so am thinking all going well we may only have 2, lol! I'm one of 3 but there is such a huge age gap between us and my little brother that he was kind of like an only child- wouldn't want to do that if i could help it!
     
  7. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    I'm the eldest of 3 and so is my husband, but i think we'll stop at 2. For a start, i'm 33 now and I'm pregnant with my 2nd, and I don't think i'd like to have another quite so soon, so i'd be at least 36 before we thought of having another, and I don't want to be older. Also, we live in a 2 bedroom flat and it's been on the market for a year, and even if we're lucky enough to sell it anytime in the next century, we wouldn't be able to get anything bigger than a 3 bedroom house.
    When I was young my mum didn't go to work and it was possible for my dad to pay the mortgage on a 4 bedroom house with just him working. No chance of that these days! Plus we managed to go on holiday, generally to the South of France. I don't see us having a holiday for a while!
    I think if you can afford it, and you want another, then go for it.
     
  8. i think the answer to "how many is too many?" is when you can't afford them! other than that it's up to you and your OH!
     
  9. I am one of four and love it, but we grew up on a farm in the middle of nowehere so I think that helped! Mum and Dad didn't have much money at all but didn't need to spend any entertaining us as we just 'ran free!' and amused ourselves, that's the beauty of having lots of kids. We were v close in age - 4 in 6 years! - and I think that's important. We all still get on really well, they are the first people I turn to if ever anything happens.
     
  10. blueone

    blueone New commenter

    I'd always liked the thought of 3. OH seems to be agreement too (I think he'd have more really) He is one of 4 and is a very big family person. I only have a brother and i would have liked another, I know my mum would have liked more but only ended up having 2 . She was one of 8 and tells me loads of stories about growing up and the hustle and bustle of a big family. Ive just had my first (29) and im planning my second around 32/33 (hopefully) and as for another i will wait and see. The only thing that would stop me having more is space (live in a house with 2 bedrooms) and my job. I want to a new one, soon! But other than that i'd say id like at least 3!
     
  11. I'm one of 4 and OH and I have 5 between us although only 2 are biologically mine.
    We've stopped here because we know having another would seriously compromise our ability to meet the needs of the other kids and because there are other things I want to do with my life.
    But I'm still really broody - as you lot may have noticed. If you've 3 kids already you're probably already used to making do with not much money!
    If a #4 works for you and your OH go for it. Why not? It's perectly normal to have PND after becoming a first time mum, much less common after a #4. Life is so much more full and fulfilling.
    I think the key question is - do you think you'll be able to ensure each child gets plently of love and attention? I suspect the answer for you lucejuce is yes - but only you know.

     
  12. Thanks so much for all your replies. I agree, the first baby (or babies in my case) can be a total shocker, and the next ones kind of fit in to whatever you are already doing. This was my experience of my daughter, and I love being a mum to her in a way I can't describe. I felt like with her I was doing it right, but with the boys I was always just surviving. Now the boys are older its a bit easier but that feeling still niggles away. After 3 I am thinking, now I know what its all about, and yes we are totally not used to having any time, money, messy house etc so why not? Maybe the sleepless nights, starting again.... etc!
     
  13. So... what've you decided then lucejuce??! x
     
  14. Don't know!! If I could have the baby without the pregnancy bit then there would be no debate! Its the pregnancy bit my body is not at all good at, l aways end up in hospital for long stays which is unfair to the children at home. My brain is in overdrive!
     

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