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How easy it is to ruin a life.

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by ilovepoppies, Sep 13, 2012.

  1. ilovepoppies

    ilovepoppies New commenter

    I have been reading back through all these wonderful, supportive posts, hoping for enough comfort to encourage sleep. It's like having a cosy hug, until reality hurls itself over me, like a bucket of iced water. My mind thinks there are eyes, out there in the darkness, watching, waiting, enjoying my pain, ready to report back. I wonder if my accuser is rejoicing in their success?
  2. you are right poppy - some people are waiting for your downfall but the vast majority on here are aware of your pain and the suffering you are going through.
  3. Try to stay strong, incredibly hard I know. I found things like podcasts helpful to dull some of the pain. I found it hard to believe there were any good people out there but slowly and surely I found that there were, and many of them to be found on these boards. Remember teachers support network is open 24 hours a day if you need to talk to some one, particularly at night when slip is elusive.
  4. Very true - there are wonderful people on here, talking to people on these boards has kept me alive over the past few months.
    Teacher support network and the Samaritans are very good - sometimes it just helps to talk to someone and get the thoughts out of your head. There is nothing worse than being alone with unpleasant thoughts and talking and getting some sympathy from someone else really helps.
    Just keep hanging in there, it will pass and get sorted out. There are good places to work.
  5. ilovepoppies

    ilovepoppies New commenter

    Each day is getting more difficult. Everybody is carrying on with their lives as normal. Where has my normal gone? I can't manage to get school uniforms into the wash, I can't get dressed and I can't stop crying.
  6. secretsiren

    secretsiren Star commenter

    Go back to the GP on Monday, poppies. If the depression is getting worse, please please go back and seek more help.
    This is a horrible, awful thing that's happening to you and made worse that you don't actually know what you're meant to have done so you can't defend yourself.
    Try to make a new 'normal' - set yourself a new timetable so you know what you're doing and when. Try to get out every day, even if it's into the garden. Read those books you've been putting off. Buy films and watch them. Hug your children. Make and eat cake, and invite your mates around to help you eat them. Watch bad TV and laugh about it. Write a novel if you're that way inclined. Take up kick boxing (great for relieving tension). Get people around to yours if you don't want to go out.
    Part of this fight will be fighting against the hole you'll want to slip into. Don't let those vile people win this part of the fight. They aren't going to ruin your life - you will win this case as there is no evidence against you.
    Huge hugs and I hope you find justice soon.
  7. clear_air

    clear_air New commenter

    Oh Poppies, I do so feel for you.
    Remember, this will NOT ruin your life. The truth will out.
    It is so hard when you feel you have been attacked, not just in your ability to do your job but intensely personally.
    Go for a walk in the sunshine if you can. Cuddling your children is such a good idea.
  8. fantastischfish

    fantastischfish Established commenter

    Oh, Poppies, you poor, poor thing. It's the most awful state of affairs. I take, from your posts, that you don't even know what you've been accused of? That sort of "up in the air" situation drives me insane, so I'm not surprised you are finding it very difficult indeed.
    As far as normal goes...since things won't be "normal" for a while, could it be a good idea to try and turn a negative slightly into a positive by doing something out of the ordinary? Instead of sitting at home on Monday thinking over the fact that you are not at work, could you make plans to do something else? Get out of the house and visit a local museum you've never been to? Go to an exercise class, or a swim? Or make an appointment for a nice massage or facial?
    I really hope things get resolved soon - even just finding out the information so you know what you're up against would be an improvement.
    Eva x x x
  9. Hi Poppies. Just called in to see how you are and sorry to hear how bad you're feeling. Try to take it one day at a time and make sure your union know that this delay and lack of knowledge of what has gone wrong is making you ill. They should be putting pressure on for some move forward. Don't spend too long on the computer when you're feeling low.
  10. Ive read this with interest..Poppy, I hope you are well, dont let them pull you down, dont let them take away your life! As people have said the truth will come out and karma is a b$%&£....schools are wonderful and terrible places to work - unless you have been in a school no one knows the evilness that can spawn from some people. You say you have children, be strong for them - hug them, kiss them all that time you would have needed for planning give it to them ---- they will always be your light in the darkness.
  11. jellycowfish

    jellycowfish Occasional commenter

    So sorry to hear of what you're going through, Poppy. I was accused a few years ago and suspended, and despite a wonderful union rep, went through 18 months of hell which ended in a CA. I was in a similar state to you - and life seems like it's not worth carrying on, but I can honestly say that I'm through it, back into (supply) teaching in schools that say thank you, appreciate what you do and are very supportive. You WILL get through it, and once your AD's kick in, you will feel more able to cope. The Samaritans kept me going - they were wonderful, as was my gp and union rep - and although my staff were told not to speak to me, many did - and kept me informed about what was going on in school. Probably against The Rules, but it helped to know what my manipulative and evil HT was up to.
    Penguin1212 is right - my children were able to benefit from my enforced time off. Once I felt able, I could do the school runs, watch assemblies, attend daytime events, go on their trips - and after several months, volunteered as a 'helping mum'.
    Set yourself just 1 target a day. It might be to do 1 load of washing, walk around the block, go and buy a paper. This was advice given by a counsellor, and helped me to feel I COULD get on with normal stuff, albeit a lot slower than normal.
    3 years on, and the manipulative HT has managed to get rid of 3 more staff - but karma is wonderful. The school has received 2 inadequate inspections since Jan, - awful for the other staff, but in my bitter and twisted mind - wonderful that the HT is now exposed as an appalling manager. The HT also did me a favour in the long term - my suspension, though horrendous, frightening and traumatic, meant that I was out of that appalling school.
    Please feel free to PM if you want any help/support/info. Huge hugs xxx
  12. ilovepoppies

    ilovepoppies New commenter

    Today's challenge is a visit to the shops with a friend. I'm terrified, but I am going. Not only do I have to conquer 'the eyes' there's the worry of bumping into people I know. This time last week I was playing in the sea with my children, happy and carefree. Perhaps this time next week, I'll know more and have something concrete to fight.
  13. jellycowfish

    jellycowfish Occasional commenter

    Well done Poppies, hope it all goes ok. I expected the 'eyes' too - but actually, people were incredibly supportive and sympathetic - including parents I met from the school that treated me so badly. Hold you head high - you have done nothing wrong. xx
  14. Please do whatever you can to keep going out. I was so scared of bumping into the people that harassed me that I ended up, apparently, agoraphobic and having treatment for it. I'm more-or-less over that now (occasional collywobbles only) but would HATE for anyone else to go through that. I found that my counsellor's suggestion to go shopping in a town where the bullies were unlikely to go made me feel easier about it. Thank goodness for friends too - explain to them how you feel and they'll be able to carry you through.

  15. Zadok1

    Zadok1 New commenter

    I too was worried about bumping into the person who bullied me.... mostly because I thought I might accidently put my fist in their face. :)
  16. Airlines have got some good offers!
    Don't tell your boss where or when, just email the school & request contact via email only....stress it's in everybody's interest to have everything recorded via email, get your doctor to sign you off for as long as possible & go & get some sun.
    Sod the lot of 'em! Don't tell anyone that you are going....just go!
    Prices are low now the summer's over & exchange rate is going up [​IMG]
  17. Gardening Leaves

    Gardening Leaves New commenter

    The fear of going out is a very common reaction to what has taken place. You will find it easier to go somewhere new - I used to be fine in London bit am still wary of going into local areas in which I might bump into people involved.

    There is 4 years on) a very real risk that I would attempt to attack them.
  18. Zadok1

    Zadok1 New commenter

    Ha... I just said much the same on a different thread... I worry that if I bumped into the wrong person I'd find my fist in their face before I had even consciously recognized them...
    Although I think you have to take control of the situation around you. read up on the employment law that relates to your situation. Research similar situations and talk to legal advisers.
    Don't rely on your union to know the law... because they often don't.
    What I'm suggesting is to try and get control of whatever aspects of the situation you can... because there is so much going on that you can't control and that is usually the most stressful aspect of the situation. Don't let them talk about you.. make them talk to you... insist on being party to any and all communication about your case.
    Yes I know it can be good to get away for a while... but it won't help if you just spend the whole time wondering what is going on in your absence. I know when I was at my lowest point I tended to settle in for the night with someone I trust (best friend or partner)... I got seriously drunk... talked about all the injustice of it all, cried a bit... well quite a lot (drank lots of water before bed) and went to bed knowing I didn't need to get up in the morning. And always felt much better afterwards... cleansed the soul by venting my spleen! Strongly recommended!
  19. Zadok1

    Zadok1 New commenter

    Okay I have lost the plot... It was this thread... just a different page... Sunday morning and all that. More coffee required I think.
  20. I understand the going out thing as well - I get fed up of explaining why I'm not at work, but I do find that people are very understanding and shocked that employers can be so unpleasant. I'm just a bit worried of getting into trouble for telling people that I'm not signed off ill by doc/ me but that the school won't let me work, but I don't want people to think that I'm unreliable and then don't want me to teach their children.
    Keep going - it will get easier as you face people. The fear of the unknown is worse than anything else. You can and will get through it - the vast majority of people are on your side and rooting for you.
    Take care xx

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