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How easy it is to ruin a life.

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by ilovepoppies, Sep 13, 2012.

  1. Crowbob

    Crowbob Lead commenter

    I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. Your latest post speaks volumes of the impact this is having on your mental health. I would advise that you visit your doctor and talk through the issues and the impact they are having.
  2. Agree with crow bob. I've been in that place all be it for slightly different reasons (still work related) please see your doctor TODAY. Phone teachers support helpline but please get some face to face help. Thinking of you.
  3. langteacher

    langteacher Occasional commenter

    Just want to wish you the best of luck x
  4. Reading this sort of thread just makes me want to weep at the injustice of condeming someone without giving them a reason, and then dragging them before a Star Chamber inquisition to answer questions on a matter of which they have no foreknowledge, and for which they have had no opportunity to prepare a defence. There seems to be no concept of the quality of evidence; that presented often being people just giving their 'impressions' of the accused's words or behaviour, or even hearsay. There is no forensic testing of the evidence or cross-examination of witnesses.
    A couple of weeks ago, there was a programme on James I and his part in bringing about a couple of decades of witching burning, playing on the then current atmosphere of paranoia. Putting aside the very real problem of the cynical exploitation of such an atmosphere to persecute the innocent out of their jobs, given the paranoia in society in general regarding 'child protection', and the intense scrutinty under which teachers have to work, anyone is at risk of false accusation.
    Given a little emotive use of language; such as that which would describe 'a man pausing in the corridor to check that he has his keys in his pocket' to 'lurking in the corridor filled with children while covertly stimulating his genitals', and you are well on the way to the Tyburn.

  5. I agree with what Crowbob and Yirg have said - your last post is worrying and you should visit your GP, if you leave it then you may slip further down.
    You are in a very difficult situation and need some outside support. There are a number of us in situations that we can't control at the moment and understand how you feel - it is draining to say the least. There is no shame in asking for help and your GP will be understanding; they are seeing an increase in the number of people with very difficult situations at work that are not of their making. Teacher support network are VERY good and they will provide 6 sessions of phone counselling. Mind also provide counselling for work related problems.
    Please get some help and keep a record of everything that happens - I have done that by keeping in email contact with my union - it has provided me with a diary of events that I have an easily ordered record of and it helps to type things down and immediately share them with someone else.
    Take care of yourself - try to eat healthily and at least get out for a walk every day, if you can go for a massage regularly or something else that makes you feel relaxed - everything that you can do that you are in control of helps. Very often it is the feeling that other people are in control of your life that makes you feel bad.
    Good luck - I hope you get justice xxx
  6. ilovepoppies

    ilovepoppies New commenter

    I have been to the doctors and put on anti depressants. He wants to check on me every week and has said I can go back sooner if I feel desperate and he'll fit me in. He is horrified that people can be treated in this way.
    I have set myself two tasks for today;
    To read the article in the Guardian (mentioned in an earlier post)
    To bake a cake
  7. clear_air

    clear_air New commenter

    Courage, my friend. You are not alone.
    eamonne1 likes this.
  8. clear_air

    clear_air New commenter

    What kind of cake?
  9. Hmm, I'm rather partial to cake [​IMG].
    So glad that your GP knew exactly what to do and is being really supportive (my experience too).
  10. pepper5

    pepper5 Star commenter

    Well done for your courage to go to the doctor. So glad you decided to go and that the doctor sounds supportive.

  11. ilovepoppies

    ilovepoppies New commenter

    I did it, one victoria sponge and one chocolate with fresh cream and rapberries!
  12. casper

    casper New commenter

    Hey go poppy. That sounds really good.
  13. Wow! Like the cakes. Cooking is so therapeutic. Unfortunately, so is eating!
    Glad your doctor was so sensible and supportive. Once you're cleared, you'll obviously want to get out ASAP.
  14. Love and best wishes to you during this terrible time. I have had it all and do know that it's just terrible but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Keep going and you'll see.
  15. Dear Poppy, I have felt very sad in reading your posts. I like many others on here know what you are going through. The hounding and witch hunting of people is inexcuseable. This has happened to me. My partner was given 3-6 months to live and the head was aware of this, Yet, he still hounded me out. If he is reading this he should hang his head in shame. I do sympathise poppy but there are some good people on this forum who are willing to listen.
    WOMANONAMISSION50 likes this.
  16. ValentinoRossi

    ValentinoRossi Star commenter

    Hi Poppy.
    Keep strong. Some great advice given. Just wanted to add my support and empathy for you; I had a malicious allegation made against me about 15 years ago. I too went through hell, got to feel suicidal, put on anti-depressants, had a nervous breakdown. My suspension seemed to last forever. It took 9 months, but I managed (just) to get through it. Allegations eventually retracted (made by vicious, bullying colleague who had pretended to be my friend) as their was, of course, no evidence whatsoever.
    Pieced myself back together, got another job within next 2 months and current HT could not have been more supportive. So it can - and will, if you stay with it and be true to yourself - get better. Do not give "them" the satisfaction of ruining your life.
    Thinking about you x
    WOMANONAMISSION50 likes this.
  17. Goodness there are so many people who have experienced these things.
    Ilovepoppies - hope you enjoyed the cake [​IMG]
    There are also free online courses on different things as well - MIT do short courses with a certificate at the end. I'm off at the moment and I'm going to learn how to program. I figure that if I manage to get my career back it will give me an extra skill.
  18. DaisysLot

    DaisysLot Senior commenter

    It is incredibly easy for such people to 'ruin a life' and inflict 'pain' on another. I had such an experience myself many years ago - and while in the bigger perspective it didn't ruin my life, it was certainly an uncalled for cruelty. Do hang in there. Do know that this time will pass. In my case I hot footed it out of there and am in a school now that is so many miles away from the misery bin I was in I don't regret being cornered or cruelly treated - If it was me now, and not the broken shell I was post chemo, they would have met their match and I would have fought without shame, but at the time I really could not. I do believe in karma though - The head teacher at the root of the venom was sacked less than a year later... sorry that should perhaps have read as 'they moved on to new challenges' without notice and immediately.
  19. DaisysLot

    DaisysLot Senior commenter

    I should add that I conclude such people are not essentially evil, more emotionally dysfunctional and hungry for some vain show of power by attempting to kick another into subordination.
    WOMANONAMISSION50 likes this.
  20. fantastischfish

    fantastischfish Established commenter

    I can't say anything specific, since you don't know all the details yet (which is appalling, in my opinion, but apparently not unusual).
    I just wanted to offer my support and good wishes and say that you should treat yourself to something to keep your spirits up: a little pamper to help relieve a little stress?
    I also agree that it's wise to see your doctors ASAP with regarded you intense stress and suicidal feelings. And pepper5 is right, plenty of people have gone through this on these forums.
    Sending you a big hug.
    Take care of yourself and allow others to take care of you at this difficult time.
    Good luck
    Eva x x x

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