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How easy it is to ruin a life.

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by ilovepoppies, Sep 13, 2012.

  1. ilovepoppies

    ilovepoppies New commenter

    I am a frequent contributor but have changed my identity, for reasons that will become obvious.
    I have been suspended from my job because a safeguarding allegation has been made against me.
    I know I am innocent and suspect a malicious parent has made the allegation.
    I haven't slept or managed to eat for days. I am totally devasted and feel suicidal. I cannot believe I have no rights, I have no idea when or where the incident/s occurred, or who the child is (unless my fear of a malicious allegation is correct).
    My union have heard nothing and have told me it's a waiting game. This is the sickest game I have ever been a party to.
    Has anybody been through this awful situation who could give me some guidance?
    My head has tried a number of times to bully me out of school over the last few years, the union have received all the evidence from me as and when situations arose.It was too difficult to keep the look of delight off their face as this latest bombshell was delivered.
    I have always been utterley professional in all I do and a popular member of staff.
    Why would somebody want to ruin my life like this? I am frightened to leave my home. How can I ever return to the job I loved for so many years? Even when I am found not guilty, how do I ever feel comfortable being around children again?
    I have been forbidden to contact my friends (my union have advised me I can have contact with them as long as I do not discuss why I have been suspended) and now have to sit in limbo as each long day stretches into another. I really can't cope with the injustice of what is happening, I'm torn between fighting to clear my name and sinking into oblivion away from all this pain.
  2. casper

    casper New commenter

    I have sent you a PM. Take care.
  3. I really don't know what to say but did want you to know that I had read your post. This is just so awful for you, it must be hell. However, please don't do anything other than fight your corner. You KNOW you are a good person. You KNOW you are a good teacher. You KNOW you are well liked and probably loved by many. Hold onto this through the difficult times ahead.
    The whole idea of being suspended and given no details of the case against you stinks. I know it is correct procedure but whoever decided this was a good way to go needs their head examining. They have obviously never been in such a situation.
    I have no idea why anyone would want to ruin your life like this but there are some malicious people about. Many don't think through the consequences of their actions.
    I haven't been through such an awful experience as this so I'm not sure what the best advice to offer is. Keep in touch with your union and get them to find out what they can. Then use them to decide on next steps career wise too. Working for a nasty or unsupportive head is always very difficult, they will jump on any possible minor fault and bring it to your attention. I HAVE been there. You need to get out of that school no matter what. Use this time off to look for other opportunities, see what is out there. Not straight away, you need some time to come to terms with the situation you are in and that is a painful process. Look out at the sunshine and take joy, or at least pleasure, in the world outside. Watch the birds or the flowers or whatever. If you can find friends to talk to outside the teaching profession do so. Have long hot baths or whatever you need to do to feel good about yourself. Let your family take care of you. You need nurturing at this time and you need treating gently. You have had a massive shock and the whole essence of your being has been undermined. Take care of yourself. If you want to curl up in a ball and sleep all day do so.
    I do hope this all gets sorted out as smoothly as possible. i just wanted you to know I was thinking of you. Please don't go into oblivion. Fight the B***stards and then get out from there.
    Good luck.
  4. ilovepoppies

    ilovepoppies New commenter

    Casper and Roseangel, thank you for such lovely words of support.
  5. pepper5

    pepper5 Star commenter

    Hi ilovepoppies
    I have not been in your situation, but wanted to write to just give some support.
    If you feel suicidal, you must see your doctor or talk to the Samaritans. Also, the teacher support network also will help. If you feel you want to, keep posting on here, since there are many kind people as you can see from the above posts who will keep replying.
    At least you have evidence of the bullying and this is filed with your union.
    Fight to clear your name. There will be people in your union and other people to help you. Other people on this forum who may have gone through similar things will post. DON'T GIVE UP.
    You will go back to teaching. You will need counselling and support. Do not be afraid to ask for the help you deserve.

  6. ianj6

    ianj6 New commenter

    been through a similar thing, been told I was being investigated but given no idea what for, (not suspended), it is horrible) But if you don't know what you're supposed to have done then you probably havent done it!!!

    I spent 2 weeks of hell and so did my family, I nearly laufghed at what I'd been accused of when I found out at the meeting!!

    Dropped immediatly, but, of course, nothing will happen to the person making the accusation!!
    Good luck
  7. Yes, I'm afraid you are right, it is very easy for people in authority to ruin someone's life.
    I wish I had something helpful to say! Didn't want to read and run though - keep in touch here and get strength from our support (there's a lot on here!). Fingers crossed that the truth makes itself apparent very soon and you can put this behind you.

    WOMANONAMISSION50 likes this.
  8. Hi Poppy
    Im a constant lingerer on this site as although I work on an activity centre im not a teacher and I just use the website to keep up to date with whats happening in schools etc

    I had to sign up for an account to tell you to stay strong be brave- The truth will out

    Thinking of you
  9. scienceteacha

    scienceteacha New commenter

    You are in a truly awful situation - and none of it is your fault! The system is ridiculously weighted towards the child - to the extent that you only need one of them to make something up....

    Don't 'go into oblivion' - however tempting this may feel. Wait and see what the outcome is. However, do be aware that these things take a while from what I have heard (weeks perhaps)

    I don't know what the legality of applying and getting other posts is while this is going on but if you're suspended on full pay, treat it as gardening leave. It may sound trite and corny but go and plant daffodills and tulips in the garden. Hopefully, by the time the green shoots come through in Spring and a new year, you will be in a classroom again.

    By all means 'fight' - but these things can be like shouting against an unresponsive brick wall. Join a gym and get punching the punchbag to relieve some of the hurt if necessary.

    I do hope you get a positive outcome, it is always us decent professionals that this sort of s h i t happens to!
    WOMANONAMISSION50 likes this.
  10. I am so sorry to hear about what is happening to you, Poppies. I think I can understand what you are going through, as I am still in your position, after being made redundant from my job, early last year. As the school refused to pay redundancy money, my Union took them to a Tribunal, whereupon the school 'suddenly discovered evidence of crimnal activity that, had it been known at the time, would have caused me to be dismissed and, therefore, not entitled to a redundancy compensation'. The Tribunal was adjourned and, two days, later, our house was searched and I was arrested.
    My union is terrific and provided a solicitor, who has been with me throughout every police interview. Other than the allegations against me do not involve children, I still have no idea of what I am accused; the police simply refuse to say. After a few months, I got nulle prosique from the CPS, but no explanation.
    Now that the Tribunal is re-convening next week, fresh allegations have been made, I was again arrested and questionned, but still none the wiser.
    If someone had told me this story about someone else, I would hardly have believed it! Just to wriggle out of paying me about £11k, the school is trying to completely ruin my life and my professional and personal reputation. Such people do exist.
    Get on to your union right away, at regional level. Do not listen to any warnings from school not to contact a union as it would be a 'breach of confidentiality', they are talking nonsense. You have an absolute right in law to seek legal counsel.
    Good luck
  11. clear_air

    clear_air New commenter

    I can't really add anything extra to the excellent advice you ahve recieved here, except to say that I had 'an allegation' made about me, but wasn't suspended (it was the straw that broke the camel's back, though, and I've only just gone back to work). It's the absolute pits that you aren't told what allegations have been made - it's giving the bullying boss (master of shadows) an extra shadow to taunt you with.
    What did I do to heal? I read a lot on here about how these nasty people work, I listened to the wise advice, and I did a lot of Zumba! The exercise really really helped disperse the adrenaline that was giving me the racing heart etc, but I do warn you, it is addictive and there's a whole world of luminous shopping opportunities associated with it....which is perhaps not such a good thing!
    At least it is lovely weather and you do not have to face the stress, hold on to your heart that you know you are innocent of any wrong-doing, and keep talking to us on here.
    Big hugs x
  12. ilovepoppies

    ilovepoppies New commenter

    Hi Jenny,
    I have contacted my union, it was my friends at work I was forbidden to contact. The union have advised me I am perfectly within my rights to see and talk to my friends, as long as I do not discuss the allegation (even though I don't know what it is).
    Your case sounds horrific and how sad that it's not uncommon.
    I am overwhelmed by all the replies and PMs I have received. Thank you all so much.
  13. I was also told not to contact my friends and they were warned (literally and threateningly) not to make contact with me either. The union gave the same comment as yours has - there's nothing to stop us meeting - although two colleagues have been threatened with disciplinary procedures if they meet with me again (we've only done coffee!!).

    EDIT: I should add that I haven't had any allegations made against me; that's not why friends have been forbidden to contact me. The Union thinks it's just a furtherence of the harassment by my boss.
  14. I find that utterly apalling. Due to the hours we work it is often the case that our friends are also work colleagues and cutting contact must go against the human right of free association.

  15. clear_air

    clear_air New commenter

    I am bristling with indignation at reading this Poeme!! What a ****! Trying to control even your social life!![​IMG]
  16. What's really sad about it, from my point of view, is that many of my friends were well and truly frightened off and so I've lost touch with them during my sick leave. Only two have openly defied my boss and told them that they won't stop seeing their friend (me) and they're the ones that have been threatened. I suppose my boss must feel a sense of victory at being able to continue her harassment of me even when I'm not actually at work [​IMG].
    This is why I am anxious that the OP doesn't allow her workplace to do the same I suppose.
  17. rosievoice

    rosievoice Star commenter

    Oh dear Ilovepoppies, what a load of bollards.
    1. Start a timeline... it doesn't have to be in strict chronological order, but it will help you in the forthcoming days when stress will play havoc with your memory.
    2. Write down any incidents relating to malicious / dodgy parents that you can remember. Later, you may make connections, have a lightbulb moment.
    3. Keep seeing your friends. I was isolated and my reputation and character trashed. Former friends were used to do the head's dirty actions. A few brave souls refused to stop speaking to me, and I hold these in my heart.
    4. Go to your GP. Mine was golden. I am convinced I am only still here because of him. Don't refuse drugs, if offered. They do help.
    5. Have a read of some of a19pb's posts on bullies, their predictable behaviours, etc. Arm yourself so that nothing "they" do will come as a shock.
    6. KEEP POSTING. Sorry to shout, but the support from good people on this forum is amazing. If you stop posting, we will worry. We need to know how you are doing.
    Stay strong xxx

  18. I know it might sound funny, in the light of my experiences, but sometimes you are better off being investigated by the police, as they have to stick to the PACE rules and, if your case ever comes to court, the procedure is laid down in law and witnesses can be forced to appear and cross-examined, as well as all evidence disclosed before hand.
    So often, so-called Gosvenors' hearings are manipulated by Heads, so that evidence is withheld, not testedy cross-examination, witnesses intimidated and even your representatives effectively prevented from asking questions.
  19. Ive had similar issues with the game playing SLT that seems so prevalent on here although I haven't been suspended.

    I just wanted to let you know that I agree with everything everyone has posted and I too am very grateful for the advice some of the same people have given me on a different thread. You will get through this initial shock. I have been constantly saying the word 'karma' in my head since the last issue in my workplace and it's really helped me to stop overdoing the negative thoughts in my head. Just that one word sums up what I hope happens to these so called managers that think these situations are just.

    Keep your spirits up, remember karma xx
    WOMANONAMISSION50 likes this.
  20. ilovepoppies

    ilovepoppies New commenter

    My head is full of relentless, crashing waves. I'm enveloped in darkness, in a womb of uncertainty. Fridays have always been special. A weekend to look forward to, celebration assembly, light hearted banter in the staff room, normality.
    I should be getting ready, I should be doing the job I'm good at, I should not be facing this trauma. The outside world is no longer my friend, it's full of whispers dancing in the wind.

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