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How do you keep your temper?

Discussion in 'Headteachers' started by gorgybaby, Sep 9, 2011.

  1. I was badgered and badgered and badgered about something yesterday in a situation when I was already up to my eyes. I offered several solutions to the issue but none of those was what this person wanted to hear, and in the end I got fed up and really cross.
    I know on TES all SMT are bullies but no one ever seems to see things from the other side. So - do you keep cool all the time?
    Something I have learned is that I need to say "Not now". I am sure things could have been dealt with much better if I had done that.
  2. bnm


    Of course I don't keep cool all the time: I am human!
    The things that catch you out are the little things people sneak into the end of a conversation "oh, by the way, is it OK if ...".
    I try to remember "I'm not sure-when do you want to talk about it?" response.
    Of course, sometimes I get it wrong.
    We live and learn.

  3. Most of the time I am quite jolly but I know that I can also be snappy. This person sees himself as the mouthpiece of the staff, I think. he is well-meaning, definitely, but was trying to get me to deal with something he should have been dealing with himself, and every suggestion I put forward ( whilst trying to cope with a very tough situation myself) was met with "I can't do that because...". In the end I got stroppy. It makes me feel as if I am not good enough for the job, but this person was so het up that I think he couldn't see any further than wanting the issue dealt with NOW, which meant that it would be me dealing with it and not him. don't want to say too much for obvious reasons! Thank you for your response, I do need to learn this.

  4. Thanks ever so much. I think I felt (and sounded probably ) very defensive. I feel this person tends to be very confrontational - not a bad thing, at least you know what he is thinking! But tends to speak before he thinks, which can, for me, at least, feel quite attacking.I think had I been sitting in my office I would have been able to have a reasonable discussion. The first time I was dealing with an incredibly stressful situation already; the second time I was just caught on the hop, and leaped in to answering without consideration. It has been an incredibly tough start to the term, issues which staff don't need to know about. One of those has been resolved this weekend, and so that will at least be one layer of invisible stress removed, which I am sure will help.
    It is all very well me saying all this - I just need to learn to put it into practice!!
  5. I know the title is crass and self help alarm bells are probably ringing but I found "how to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie actually helpful in dealing with persistent in your face people. He basically tells you to slow down, listen to people, show you genuinely care and try and find some common ground. Knowing that everyone thinks they are absolutely right no matter what you say or do is a helpful thought.
  6. minnieminx

    minnieminx New commenter

    I'm not a HT yet, but I nosy on here a bit.

    I would suggest you don't feel too bad about losing your temper every now and then. It isn't necessarily a bad thing to occasionally let your staff know that they are being an utter nuisance and should just use their initiative and get on with things. And that by coming to you and bleating on and on about trivial matters they are being a total irritation and driving you nuts. Not too often obviously, but don't fret when you do.

    You could also say, as one of my previous HTs did, "I have total faith in your ability to sort this out yourself. I honestly don't think someone of your calibre needs my advice on this matter." He would smile as he said it and turn away to do something else. Sounds so kind and positive, but really meant 'go away and sort it out yourself'.
  7. Thanks ever so much, In fairness to myself, I am a dreadful sleeper and slept through last night for the first time in two weeks. Every night last week I was awake for three hours at least during the night, and so I wasn't at my best. Still - no hiding place for SLT, and no excuses, I do know that. I really appreciate your advice and comments.
  8. I say to my staff 'bring me solutions, not problems' it works with most but not all ,but is better than me having to deal with everything.
  9. A different scenario but similar! Another staff member seems to think they need to justify everything when I ask them to do something, something along the lines of "You have forgotten to go on duty", or "Can you please take this child to where they should be", or "Please can you make sure this child does so and so". the response is always a bloody argument! I am trying to give bland examples because I obviously can't give specifics. I know the answer is that I take them on one side and tell them that if I ask them to do something I just want them to do it without argument/justifying themselves, but it is winding me up so much that I fear I will get shrill and ranty. This is a new member of staff, not a middle manager or anything like that. I cannot see why they think they need to get into a discussion with me about something very straightforward I am asking them to do! They can't possibly think I am wrong, because I never am....
  10. That'll be the tone you are using. Lots of people have a great sense of self importance. Taking direction from anyone can put backs up. If you can, try and make your request in a way which makes the other feel important & that they are doing you personally a huge favour & thank them again later.
  11. Thanks Transilvanian. Reading my post I think I have made myself sound as if I am full of my own self-importance and I am really not (well, I wouldn't think so, would I?). It has made me think of something an old boss used to say "If I ask you to stand in a bucket of doo doo, you do it with a smile on your face and a song in your heart". Actually, he taught me a lot, and I liked working for him. It wasn't in teaching though and it was many years ago.
    Something happened on Friday (can't see when I posted last) and it was so out of order that I was really cross. I think one thing I did was say that there was a problem without giving the solution immediately, I did suggest an alternative when they argued with me - and they even boody questioned that. I was taught many years ago not to tell the kids not to do something, but to tell them what you do want them to do. I think this might work better. I feel I am really getting this out of proportion and appreciate all of the comments, thank you.

  12. People do have a go at us Heads. If your door is open and you smile a fair bit you are an easy target. Not easy and people can catch you off guard and put your nerves on edge & give us all sleepless nights sometimes. If people feel they have licence to be so unprofessional towards you, you need to be on your guard and ready. Do you follow these incidents up? Are there witnesses and are you keeping dated notes There is a conduct policy, use it and stop this nasty behaviour.

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