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How do you get used to someone else minding your baby?

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by chicabonita, Jun 26, 2011.

  1. chicabonita

    chicabonita New commenter

    OH has taken Chiquita out for the morning. I have to get used to this in time for September but it's so hard- I really really miss her. Wish it could be me and her all the time!

    How can I get to (a) enjoy time away from her, and (b) enjoy or at least not mind sharing her?
    OH says I'm obsessed and we live in a bubble of me'n'her, and perhaps he's right :-s
     
  2. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    I think you just adjust to it because it becomes reality, and unless you're lucky (and rich!) you have to go back to work. You're used to it being just you and her now and it's been that way since she was born and it is hard to imagine leaving her, but once you go back to work i think you just get used to that again, and even enjoy it in some ways!
    I went back when my son was 7.5 months old and i was dreading it, and hated leaving him etc. I enjoyed my first couple of days back at work, but then realised that was that then and i was back for good and was miserable for a bit, but then it became routine, and it was kind of nice to get to school a bit early and prepare myself for the day, have a cup of coffee and a chat! It helped that his childminder was really lovely and i knew he was happy with her.
    Now i'm on maternity leave again and really happy to get to spend another year with my son! Of course, going back next time and leaving 2 of them will be very tough! Although I will probably be desperate for a break by then [​IMG]
     
  3. I am happy to leave my LO with various different people, mainly because I have always given her to people to hold/cuddle/play with at every opportunity. At first this was always when I was sitting right there next to them. Then I would occasionally leave the room while someone else was holding her. Then I was happy for other people to take her for a walk somewhere etc etc. I didn't really plan it this way, it's just the way I've been with her, but I do think it's a good idea to take things slowly rather than plunging in at the deep end!
     
  4. princessmelody

    princessmelody New commenter

    Def do it gradually. MIL stole LO when he was 2 days old...ok she asked to take him for a walk to 'give me a break' and I didn't listen to myself and let her...I was pacing up and down the road looking like a total mentalist when she arrived back- at the same time as my doctor (I had a section so he was checking up on me!) it still bothers me when she 'offers' to take him. Anyway- aside from that- I'm pretty good at leaving him. My mum took him for a couple of hours when he was 8 weeks old so I could go to the gym once a week. It was really hard the first time but then I really looked forward to my few hours break. He loves going to other people (very insulting!) but it really helped doing it gradually. If I go out for the evening I tend to do the 7pm feed (I still do morning and evening feed and he sleeps through) but various friends have watched him for me. I even gave him to a stranger on a train cause I needed to move the pram and all his stuff to the other end of the carriage! I go back to work on Friday (he's 6 months tomorrow) and know he'll love his days away from me- but give me the best smile ever when he sees me again. You've got plenty of time til September- take it at your own pace and it'll be fine.
     
  5. cheesypop

    cheesypop Occasional commenter

    Be careful about excluding your OH. She is his daughter too and he is clearly feeling left out from what you say in your last comment. If it is becoming a problem, maybe you actually need to do it more.
    You don't want your OH to feel like you are saying he can't look after her as well as you. This could leave him to withdraw a bit from you and her ('I can't do anything right so why try?') and could cause you problems in the future.

     
  6. I agree with cheesypop in that I didn't ever consider leaving lo with oh as actually leaving her at all, if that makes sense. We are both her parents after all.
     
  7. I have left LO with OH, my mum and my sister from an early age so I am used to it now. It is important that you have time to yourself and OH has time with just him and the baby so he can bond with her too. I am less comfortable about nursery for whole days (she starts in September) but I am sure it will become routine soon enough!
     
  8. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    Same here! I went back to the gym 4 or 5 times a week when my son was 7 weeks old, and i have to admit that i loved that 'me' time and it was also good for my husband to have some time alone with our son. I will be doing the same soon when i go back to the gym again. It'll definitely do my husband good to see how hard it is to look after 2 of them on his own [​IMG]
    My MIL has said that she will babysit for us every few weeks so that we can go out. I really appreciate that as we've hardly been out as a couple in the past 2 years.
    Having family look after your child(ren) is fine, but i can understand being anxious about going back to work. I think it does kids good to mix with other people and especially other children though, so i don't think us working does them any harm.
     
  9. My son and I are more than happy to part company at the door of the childminder! [​IMG]
     
  10. My son legs it into the childminder and I am happy for him to go. AT a few months old he stayed overnight with my sister to give us a break. He regularly stays with friends or babysitters when we have childcare issues. I actually don't really get it. I miss him overnight, but for a few hours? I love time to myself, and as they get older and more demanding on your time I think you will appreciate it.
    Oh to go to work and go to the toilet alone!
     
  11. I found it hard for a long time, not sure if it was related to anxiety issues.
    I think the thing which helpe me was a gradual process, it was hard as she used to feed so frequently as a small baby , wouldn't take a bottle so I couldn't leave without her crying for quite a few months.. so even leaving her with dad was quite hard. however, she is happy to be left now and milk feeds have reduced and I can leave her for an evening.
    Start gradually, just leave baby with daddy and go for a walk... If you have grandparents around, you could leave baby with them and go for a drink or for lunch... soon you will find baby is fine with others. I think you have to take the plunge and do it- even if it is only for half an hour. You could leave baby with dad, go to the pub with friends.

    I do empathise, it is hard at first but after the first couple of times it is quite fun.
     
  12. I agree with moomon, I still breastfeed so the issue has always been that I can't physically leave her with someone else for very long, not that I didn't want to. However, as soon as she was down to 4 feeds a day, my OH would take her out most Saturday mornings for a couple of hours while I did really exciting things like clean and cook! This has become routine now and I know that he really enjoys this time with her.
    I hadn't really left her with anyone else until I went back to work a month ago (she was 8 months). I was lucky to be able to leave her with my mum and was only working short days (until 2.30pm) and as we're down to 3 feeds I am back in time for the afternoon feed. She has coped brilliantly and hardly notices I've gone! I've really enjoyed my taste of freedom and my mum and LO have a great time. It's important for them to spend time with people other than you, I'm sure that my Mum plays different games, sings different songs, points out different things in the park and so on. It's really important that they get to see someone else's view of the world too.
     
  13. chicabonita

    chicabonita New commenter

    Thanks for all the responses and tips.
    It's less leaving her with him- or even my parents- I've been out to an exercise class a couple of times, and in the evenings a few times just for a coffee with a friend, but leaving her here was far easier than him taking her somewhere else!
    That said, I don't feel the need to not be with her- the scenarios I mentioned have been nice, but I haven't craved them. I think OH has really needed the breaks he's taken, and that's why he pushes me to have the time alone.
    I was feeling low last week; hopefully next time it will be easier... Thanks, though.
     
  14. ((Chica)) Don't get me wrong- it's not easy leaving your little one! I'm sorry of I sounded insensitive. I have been wracked with guilt so so many times, and have been in tears in the car numerous times. I think the problem is working full time (sorry can't see your OP to see if you're going back full or part time?) as i don't feel I have the right balance of mummy time and me time (working makes you feel like yourself again, and it's nice to have more dimensions to your life, honest) I would love part time-3 days maybe- but we'll see about that. Re; leaving her, I chose a childminder so that she'd have one main carer and be looked after in a family home rather than a big, institutionalised nursery. I soon got to know and trust the childminder and they love one another, which I thought would make me sad, but actually quite the opposite is true. As a mum you have to be so selfless and I'm just delighted that the little lady is happy. It took a very long time for me to be happy leaving her with MIL (wasn't unhappy as such- just madly resentful and a little jealous if I'm honest!) Honestly those feelings do fade though. I remember a time when I couldn't bear to let her out of my sight but now I do sometimes enjoy a little freedom. I do feel however that at weekends I don't want to miss a minute. We are so very lucky to have our school holidays to look forward to- pure unadulterated mummy time! Chin up x
     
  15. chicabonita

    chicabonita New commenter

    Thanks Clematis, that's a lovely post [​IMG]
     
  16. Hehe, Clematis- I was also jealous of leaving baby with MIL... silly really- but I think it is quite common.She also has different parenting ideals than I do....
    I remember in the first 2 weeks ny daughter slept pretty much all day, she finally opened her eyes in my MILs arms and I remember panicing thinking she would think she was her mum.... a bit like a duck imprinting!
     
  17. chicabonita

    chicabonita New commenter

    I like this. I will tell myself it every day, like a mantra [​IMG]
    I suspect I'll be exactly like this, come September 1st. But maybe not. Good luck Bradley x
     

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