1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. Hi Guest, welcome to the TES Community!

    Connect with like-minded education professionals and have your say on the issues that matter to you.

    Don't forget to look at the how to guide.

    Dismiss Notice

How do I toughen up?

Discussion in 'Behaviour' started by LucyLiu, May 1, 2013.

  1. Hi

    I find behaviour management really hard to deal with as I am a non-confrontational person.

    I have been advised that I need to get angry more often. I don't know why, but I find it really difficult and can't handle aggressive or rude behaviour from pupils.

    I need to get a handle on this at it will make my life easier, but I don't know how to. I feel constantly exhausted at school and am often just focusing on trying to get to the end of the day.
     
  2. Hi

    I find behaviour management really hard to deal with as I am a non-confrontational person.

    I have been advised that I need to get angry more often. I don't know why, but I find it really difficult and can't handle aggressive or rude behaviour from pupils.

    I need to get a handle on this at it will make my life easier, but I don't know how to. I feel constantly exhausted at school and am often just focusing on trying to get to the end of the day.
     
  3. I don't think good behaviour management means that you have to shout and be aggressive (often this can make the situation worse).
    I am currently an NQT in a really challenging school. I think the main thing is to be REALLY firm. Say what sanction you are giving and why. Pupils will often argue and get aggressive but you just need to think that you are the adult and you are in charge and you are paid to teach them, not to take s**t from them!

    When I was a trainee I never needed to shout but I unfortunately have to do it now as some pupils respond better to it (which is a really sad thing) but if you are not a shouty person you can still be firm and get the message across without shouting
     
  4. PaulDG

    PaulDG Occasional commenter

    No, you must not do that.

    But it can pay to occasionally act as if you're angry.

    Because you're just not used to it. It is not normal adult discourse and wasn't normal for the sort of child you probably were either.

    You need to say to yourself all the time "I am the grown up here". And think through, work out and rehearse the sorts of things you might say or do when kids are being aggressive or rude. Almost all the time being outwardly calm is the right thing but sometimes acting like you're really angry can have the right effect - but it's probably not a good idea for you right now, to be honest, as the kids have already sussed you're not an "angry person".

    As we've said before, a lot of trainees feel like this in the second placement which is difficult for all sorts of reasons.

    Concentrate on being consistent, on issuing sanctions and following them up (you have more free periods now than you'll ever have when teaching for real) with the paperwork and phone calls home, etc. when deserved.

    It may be that you simply will not get all your classes under control in the time you have left - but even one or two toeing the line a bit more often (and they will only do this if they believe the consequences of giving you grief are as bad as they would be if they gave their normal teacher grief) will make it easier.
     
  5. Teachers TV have some excellent behaviour managment films by Sue Cowley, amongst others. It shows you 'how' it is done. ONe straightforward way is to set out expectations outside the room. Doesn't have to be shouty or nasty - just very tight boundaries. These need to be continued in class as, initially your boundaries will be tested, but the incidents should reduce once the students trust you to follow through.
    My daughters have fed back to me about thier teachers. Certainy up to Yr 9 - if not Yr 10 - they are treated like cattle needing tight herding. A job has to be done - e.g. get them throughGCSE. Sort of factory teaching - keep them busy on small tasks all the time. Once they move into 6th form they are treated with cups of tea and biscuits as the students behave better.
    Hope that helps
     
  6. And, as Dozeymare has just suggested on another thread, google Rob Plevin. There's nothing like experience, though, so give yourself a chance to develop.
     
  7. YesMrBronson

    YesMrBronson New commenter

    Sue Cowley's advice is very poor.
     
  8. Whelanmk

    Whelanmk New commenter

    Care to give any examples/reasons?
     
  9. Tom_Bennett

    Tom_Bennett Occasional commenter

    Hi Lucy
    Never get angry. It serves no purpose. I've seen tiny teachers who whisper be fantastic at behaviour management. You know how? Because they said something and meant it. You set boundaries. You outline the consequences. Then when they deserve them, they get them. Nowhere in this does anyone have to get angry and shout. Just do what you say you will, and eventually you'll wear them down.
    The trick is to realise it's a war of attrition, not shock and awe. It takes time. After a while they'll trust your boundaries to be always electrified, and then ironically you'll find yourself having to do less and less. But it requires an iron will, consistency, repetition and repetition (see what I did there?).
    Do detentions for all that deserve them. Phone parents as much as humanly possible. Follow up with line management. Use school behaviour policies. Escalate. This all takes time and is exhausting, but far less exhausting, I promise you, than never getting to grips with bad behaviour, and suffering the same lessons forever. Invest in your future, put the effort in now, and you'll reap the benefits eventually.
    Good luck
    Tom
    Read more from Tom
    here
    on his blog, or
    follow
    him. His latest book,Teacher,
    is out now, published by Continuum/ Bloomsbury

     
  10. YesMrBronson

    YesMrBronson New commenter

    Certainly. Ms Cowley's books are riddled with poor advice but perhaps most famous (and ludicrous) is her suggestion that teachers might wish to pretend to eat dog food in front of their class.
     
  11. YesMrBronson

    YesMrBronson New commenter

    To the OP:

    Here's a link to another thread. It's an old one, but chock full of useful, practical advice:
    https://community.tes.co.uk/forums/t/25562.aspx?PageIndex=1
    Best wishes.
    *sorry that it's not a clickable link - I'm posting this from a phone and it won't do that. Just paste it into the address bar.
     
  12. This is exactly how I feel as an NQT. The biggest problem for me is that I know what I need to do, but I just suffer from a lack of confidence. The thought of ringing a parent about behaviour makes me feel weak at the knees. I know this needs to change but I'm really concerned I'll never find the guts to do it and be firmer.
     
  13. I would set yourself a target to ring one parent next week and force yourself to do it. Write a script beforehand if that will make it easier. I'm sure there are plenty of people who do it infinitely better than me, but my conversations probably go something like this:

    Hi there, am I speaking to Mr/Mrs Jones? This is Miss/Mr Smith calling from Superduper school, is this a convenient time to talk?

    Well, I'm afraid I'm calling because I'm concerned about the behaviour of suchandsuch in my lessons. I'm surprised because usually suchandsuch is (say something positive about them) but in our lesson today he/she was (broadly describe behaviour and link back to lack of learning as a result)

    I've got a few things I'd like to put in place to support suchandsuch so that we can support them to make progress, but I wanted to let you know so that we could support them together. Is there anything at home that might have triggered this behaviour (let the parent talk, and discuss any concerns/issues)

    Explain what you'd like to do (detention, put them on report etc.) and how grateful you are to be working with the parents support. Check they agree and think this is a good/wise course of action and agree a time to feed back to them how things have progressed.

    End the call by quickly running through the plan of action and make a diary note of when you need to get back into contact (I usually say I'll email if everything is going well as it is quicker for both of us) and you're done!

    Remember, 99.99% of parents care about their kids far, far, more than you do. Utilise their support and you'll really see the benefits. Good luck!
     
  14. Hi Lucy

    Another key thing is to realise that pupils actually want you to be the boss. You may well be really keen to have great relationships with pupils and one of the keys to this is to accept the role that they have in mind for you, which, (despite appearances sometimes!) is 'the boss'. Some of the teachers I work with in classrooms find that once they are willing to accept that they are top dog and assert themselves, pupils warm to them and cooperate much better.

    All the best

    Steve
     

Share This Page