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How can you make a parent see that there may be something wrong with their child?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by fizzingwizzbee, Apr 9, 2007.

  1. My daughters half brother is 7 years old and i have known him since he was 6 months old. Me and his father are no longer together but we have a good relation ship and i still see them both regularly.

    However his son is demonstrating behaviour since he was about one that is not 'normal'. I have said a few times as sensitively as i can that i think there might be something up but i get shot down in flames. I get told that i don't like him as much because he isn't mine etc but the truth is i find him very hard work because he is so unsociable but i still love him.

    Almost all of you on here are experienced teachers and/or have children of your own what do you think of the following?

    he never talked or made any sound until he was 4 and a half
    He was really hard to toilet train and still has frequent accidents and is not dry at night, ever.
    He is unsociable and much prefers his own company
    He becomes obsessed over certain things - at the moment it is a game on the playstation and trains
    He talks with no expression at all very monotone
    He does not get even very very basic humour and cant understand when others get upset.

    I was convinced he was deaf when he was very little but i forced the point and this was checked and hearing is fine.

    What do you lot think. Am i concerned over nothing and 'picking' on him or do i have genuine concerns?
     
  2. My daughters half brother is 7 years old and i have known him since he was 6 months old. Me and his father are no longer together but we have a good relation ship and i still see them both regularly.

    However his son is demonstrating behaviour since he was about one that is not 'normal'. I have said a few times as sensitively as i can that i think there might be something up but i get shot down in flames. I get told that i don't like him as much because he isn't mine etc but the truth is i find him very hard work because he is so unsociable but i still love him.

    Almost all of you on here are experienced teachers and/or have children of your own what do you think of the following?

    he never talked or made any sound until he was 4 and a half
    He was really hard to toilet train and still has frequent accidents and is not dry at night, ever.
    He is unsociable and much prefers his own company
    He becomes obsessed over certain things - at the moment it is a game on the playstation and trains
    He talks with no expression at all very monotone
    He does not get even very very basic humour and cant understand when others get upset.

    I was convinced he was deaf when he was very little but i forced the point and this was checked and hearing is fine.

    What do you lot think. Am i concerned over nothing and 'picking' on him or do i have genuine concerns?
     
  3. Immediately aspergers / ASD springs to mind.....
     
  4. Sounds very similar to my autistic nephew.

    However, i have a child I teach in Secondary who has big issues that are undeniably staring you in the face but his teacher parents do not seem to acknowledge it. Just don;t get it myself. I would be inlcined ot keep quiet, no doubt shcool will riase it at osme point nad you are not then being shot as the messenger.
     
  5. that is EXACTLY what i thought. Didn't want to say so as i wanted you lot to give me your opinions.

    School have tried to say they think there is something up but exOH and his ex just say that he is happy and we are fussing over nothing.

    They both think this is what normal boys are like but im convinced it isn't. I look at my neighbours boys and they are so different it is scary.

    I'm just convinced if it gets left it is storing BIG problems up for the future!
     
  6. Do you know if his school have mentioned anything in reports or meetings?

    I'm not a parent,but I do think it's odd that this child's parents don't think it's odd that he didn't speak or make a noise until he was 4.

    Ultimately though, you have raised your concerns -and been faced with deaf ears. There's not much more you can do -other than resist the urge to say 'I told you so' when it turns out he does have some kind of communication disorder.
     
  7. CCC his father my ex is a bit 'odd'. I actually thing is dad probably has ASD/aspergers but he copes. I'm pretty sure that his son though is more severe and perhaps will not?

    I'm not sure but i know there is something odd.
     
  8. I don't have kids, but even I know that not talking til aged 4 could be an issue. However, if his parents think he is happy and he doesn't express any issues over his own actions, then you just need to adapt to his world as much as you can. It does sound like he has autistic tendencies.
    Unless you have primary care of him, then let them deal with him in their way.


     
  9. I'm surprised his lack of speech hasn't been picked up at one of his developmental checks.
     
  10. MarilynDan

    MarilynDan New commenter

    Speaking as the parent of a child who died at the age of 5 from a very rare metabolic disease I always KNEW there was something wrong and before the doctors/consultants took me seriously was concidered and treated as a paranoid mother.
    It is very hard for parents to reach the stage of admitting to themselves that there really IS something wrong and reaching for help. In the very early stages (my daughter's condition was degenerative) I KNEW but fought to hope that I was wrong.
    There isn't anything you can do to force the issue, only be there when the father needs support. He is probably tussling with himself between knowing in his heart and hoping against hope that the child will "grow out of it".
    In our case her condition became so severe there could be no denial but in the first months of her life I was wishing with all my heart that what I was suspecting wasn't true.
    For me this was a long time ago and I am recalling this to try to help you all to understand how hard it can be to admit to others that there is something not quite right and then to ask for help :)
     
  11. The school might want to do some kind of screening / test. Do you think your ex and his partner would refuse?

    Do you get on well with the ex's partner? Would she be a more wiling ear, do you think? She might be more appreciateive of your knowledge and experience that the ex. Obviously you'd need to raise it in a totally 'off-the cuff' way -you'd need to be VERY casual about it if you didn't want the ex getting all humpty!
     
  12. Well, I have an "odd" step daughter (15) and I have spent many an hour trying to get the message across to her father and her mother. I've even said I believe she is XYZ. And they tell me that I know nothing and that she's fine.

    I have now decided that whilst I think they are blind as bats and mad as hatters for not A) noticing the oddities and B) acting upon them, she is NOT my responsibility. They are her parents and as such in a position to decide what is "right/wrong" for and about their child.

    Not sure how that helps but it's what I do!

     
  13. MarilynDan

    MarilynDan New commenter

    Speaking as the parent of a child who died at the age of 5 from a very rare metabolic disease I always KNEW there was something wrong and before the doctors/consultants took me seriously was concidered and treated as a paranoid mother.
    It is very hard for parents to reach the stage of admitting to themselves that there really IS something wrong and reaching for help. In the very early stages (my daughter's condition was degenerative) I KNEW but fought to hope that I was wrong.
    There isn't anything you can do to force the issue, only be there when the father needs support. He is probably tussling with himself between knowing in his heart and hoping against hope that the child will "grow out of it".
    In our case her condition became so severe there could be no denial but in the first months of her life I was wishing with all my heart that what I was suspecting wasn't true.
    For me this was a long time ago and I am recalling this to try to help you all to understand how hard it can be to admit to others that there is something not quite right and then to ask for help :)
     
  14. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    If the parents are in denial there is nothing you can do.

    Assuming he is well-treated at school and in the home all is well. ASD (if that is his disorder) is not "treatable" so he is not suffering for lack of any proper therapy.

    If he has educational needs you must suppose that his school will cater for him appropriately.

     
  15. Speaking as a teacher who has a blatantly autistic child in their class (which his parents refuse to admit), it is more likely that the school are NOT catering for him appropriately. Without the additional help in place that comes with a statement, it is very difficult for such children to get the help they need. I am often very angry with the parents of the child in my class, because their blind refusal to admit his problems is actually harming him in the educational sense.
     
  16. bumblingbee

    bumblingbee New commenter

    The plain truth is that, unfortunately, you can't make parents realise that there is something wrong with their child. They have to come to it in their own time frustrating though that is for everyone else around them.

    It's very hard to watch parents potentially harm their child like this but at the end of the day the child isn't your responsibility and you have done your best by trying to draw their attention to it. All you can do now is be around if and when they come to the realisation that the child needs help - they will probably need a lot of support then.

    I agree with another poster that it sounds very much like some form of autism.

    Good luck!
     
  17. Alena

    Alena New commenter

    I have a friend with an autistic son and the problems sound almost identical.

    We were in the same situation as you are in that we didn't know how to say anything, so we waited until they were ready and mentioned it and then stepped in with our thoughts. He now has a statement and has started at mainstream school and is doing well. My advice would be not to push it, sometimes people need to reach their own conclusions and deal with it in their own way.

    Alena
     
  18. Thank you for all your replies. I don't have a particularly good relationship with his mother but we all keep it friendly for the childrens sake.

    I know that you are all right and that i don't have parental responsibility so there is nothing that i can really do other than be here when the situation finally has to be recognised.

    I think i find it so hard because if it was my daughter as much as i wouldn't wan to admit it i would feel duty bound to get a diagnosis and do the best i possibly could for her even though it isn't treatable. There is just such a stark contrast between the two kids it's quite scary. I don't know how they can fail to see the anomalies between their development.

    Once again thanks for all your replies and i'm thankful you have backed up my thoughts and that i am not going mad and picking on him like i am told regularly!
     
  19. MarilynDan

    MarilynDan New commenter

    kcmatt...
    Quote
    "Speaking as a teacher who has a blatantly autistic child in their class (which his parents refuse to admit), it is more likely that the school are NOT catering for him appropriately. Without the additional help in place that comes with a statement, it is very difficult for such children to get the help they need. I am often very angry with the parents of the child in my class, because their blind refusal to admit his problems is actually harming him in the educational sense."

    With my own personal experience of special children, special schools, medical establishments, parent support groups (having founded one myself) I saw ALL this coming way back in the late 80s when we were all told that inclusion was the answer to all ills.
    As a teracher myself (for over 20 years) in a mainstream school I have SEEN the huge pitfalls inclusion has led us towards.
    I have the greatest sympathy for each and every teacher who has children in their class that they know should not be there. It is grossly unfair on everyone.

    But parents still have to come round to realising that their children are not "normal" and although I can see the frustration and understand the wanting to bang a few heads together (I've felt the same believe me) it is not really the fault of the parents. Health visitors and pre school services have a huge part to play before a child ever gets to mainstream school - sadly money is lacking there too.
    In the 29 years since my daughter was born services and help for families affected by handicapping conditions have got WORSE not better.
    It is very sad.
     
  20. My cousin has this and is definitely sounds like he has this, it's better to deal with it sooner rather than later, is there a way you can mention it to his school about your concerns and maybe if you do some research you can say to his father look I love this boy and I know you do too, we both only want the best, I am concerned that he has aspergers here is some things, please look at them then tell me I'm still wrong, I only want the best for him as I'm sure you do too.

    Hopefully going that way may sound less accusing to him (even though your not I know!!) and then it's in his hands isn't it. But I would have words with the teachers and support staff at the school. I know in the school I'm at they would look into it and monitor it and give you feedback.

    I do hope this helps.
     

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