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How can I help him?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by captain oats, Apr 22, 2011.

  1. captain oats

    captain oats New commenter

    Boyfriend is feeling really low at the moment. He feels like he isn't doing anything with his life. All he does is work and sleep and never really goes out anymore.

    This is completely different to how he was at the start of our relationship, he used to go out and see his friends all the time but now he doesn't.

    I've told him he needs to be proactive and get in touch with people but he says he now feels anxious because it's been so long since he got in touch with anyone.

    I know a few of his close friends, some of them are my friends on Facebook. I am really tempted to get in touch with them myself and tell them he is feeling low - but that would only make things worse wouldn't it? What can I do?
  2. I would be careful about contacting friends and saying he is low etc, you could be treading very dangerous waters there.
    Is there a possibility that he could be depressed? After years of pushing everyone away I have finally been diagnosed and can understand his feelings of feeling so low and not socialising yet feeling too anxious to contact anyone and do anything about it.
    By all means he needs your support but I would be cautious not to intefere, especially 'behind his back' as it were.
  3. captain oats

    captain oats New commenter

    I did think that myself actually, I said maybe he should go to the doctor, but he doesn't seem to think it's bad enough for that.
  4. Ultimately that is his choice to make.
  5. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    arrange a royal wedding barbie and invite his mates.
  6. fulloffun

    fulloffun New commenter

    could you do something together and meet new people/make new friends.An evening class?
  7. fantastischfish

    fantastischfish Established commenter

    I didn't realise this, PFF, I hope you feel a lot better soon.

    Do you have any couple friends that you could invite round for the evening, for a meal or a BBQ or similar to get theball rolling? Alternatively, what about getting out and about yourselves: go to the cinema, go out for a meal or a drink at your local.
    If he seems nervous or anxious about meeting up with people, then I agree that he could infact be a little depressed, although obviously a medical opinion would be needed - us TESsers are wise but not professionals in the field of medicine!
    I wouldn't contact his/your friend on his behalf though. Ask him if he'd like to do something with a couple of your friends and then contact that together if he wants to.
  8. I think that is the best way forward. If my OH organised a get together then I would be all for it even though extremely anxious. If my OH contacted friends secretly and told them about what was going I would be really annoyed about being invited out through pity!
  9. captain oats

    captain oats New commenter

    That's what I thought, but wasn't sure which direction to take.

    I think it would be best for me to arrange something with my friends and maybe a few of his as well, and with the bank holidays it's the perfect time.

    Thanks all x

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