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How can I engage a disengaged tutee ?

Discussion in 'Secondary' started by nmanning85, Sep 24, 2018.

  1. nmanning85

    nmanning85 New commenter

    I have a year 10 pupil (girl) who is so disengaged with school and I’m need of advice on how to get her happy about school and build a relationship with her.
    I have returned from maternity leave and taken on this tutor group on return and I am part time so only see them twice a week. I am trying to build relationships but it is tricky.
    When speaking to her, she is angry and hates school. She hates the rules and hates being constantly called out by other teachers on her behaviour, attitude and uniform. She is an able student but is falling behind because of her attitude.
    Can anyone suggest anything I can do to get her engaged with me, to build a relationship? Her relationship with Mum isn’t good and Mum isn’t happy with the school either so calls home etc won’t work in the short term. Any help would be gratefully received! Thank you!
    pepper5 likes this.
  2. pepper5

    pepper5 Star commenter

    Perhaps find out what her interests are and her talents. I wonder if she has any dreams for the future. If she can see that school is a means to an end and that it isn't forever, perhaps she wouldn't hate it so much. Are there any student mentors or other girls in the group who could befriend her?
  3. AlexOl

    AlexOl New commenter

    It may help to encourage her to get some professional help so that she can talk safely about her anger and frustration and learn to understand it. I don't know the particulars, but I suspect that she may be struggling with something on a deeper personal level. Misbehaviour at school tends to be a mere symptom of some deeper pain or shame, I find. School is important, but too much focus on improving her school performance may communicate that people are merely trying to "fix" her rather than care about what she is going through.

    I think any student with behavioural issues should find someone to talk to as soon as possible, as these issues can get worse if left unguided. You may have to convince her that it is a worthwhile thing to do. Self-authoring, as pepper 5 suggested, is great as well, though I think that successfully doing so requires some emotional security that she may not have (I don't know her particular situation though, and all of this is speculative). Right now she may be attracted to friendship groups that allow her to express her frustration and angst, so I don't know how receptive she would be to positive student mentors. It wouldn't hurt to try; trying at least shows you care about her.

    I'm sorry she is struggling. It sounds like she's in a lot of pain.
  4. install

    install Star commenter

    Keep a professional distance. Find out from her teachers which subject she does best in or is happiest in (if any). Look into getting her a mentor or support person she can talk to who is trained to help students like this :cool:
  5. hammie

    hammie Lead commenter

    With only two days a week you are limited in the impact you can have. Sounds like some home truths might be needed too, the best way to stop adults "picking on her" is to meet at least some of the expectations. If she won't meet the rules then she will continue to get hassle. She is going to have to give some to get some. Surprising how rarely they get told it like it is these days.

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