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Discussion in 'Personal' started by BelleDuJour, Mar 13, 2011.

  1. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    Ladies, be careful what you wish for!
    Now don't get me wrong, I love my OH to bits but, he is a househusband and it is driving me nuts!
    His approach to housework verges on OCD. In the past, I have held down a full time job, brought up my children, cared for all my animals (dogs, cats, horses, chickens), done the washing, cooking, cleaning, shopping etc......need I go on?
    I know how to manage my time, keep costs down and everything else that goes with it.
    Trouble is, OH has too much time on his hands. He washes, not rinses, but washes in soapy water, everything that goes in the dishwasher. God help me if I put anything dirty in it.
    If he does the washing he will barely half fill the machine then insists on drying, ironing and putting away same day. I'd rather wait for a whole pile of ironing and a full load of washing.
    I've caught him hoovering out the garage and microwave.
    When we got a new Aga (last October) he wouldn't let me use the hot plates incase food splashed on the Aga surfacr and made it 'grubby'. He wanted me to go out into the garden to bbq bangers and bacon for breakfast so the kitchen stayed clean and didn't smell!
    We get through so much bleach that shares in Domestos have soared in value!
    He needs to get out more but how? What?
    Oh....and he also employs a cleaner all day Thursday!
    When I get home from work, after getting up at stupid o'clock, often driving up to an hour each way and getting home again, all he does is moan and groan abpout how stressed, busy, tired he is. At times I just want to SCREAM!

    I feel like I'm going ever so slightly mad [​IMG]

  2. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    Oh....forgot to say. One thing he will not do is make the bed!
    He claims it is a waste of time when all you are going to do is get back in it again.
    I disagree. I like my bed to be nicely made with throw and cushions on it, so it looks all inviting rather than like Tracey Emin's Tate exhibit!
  3. harsh-but-fair

    harsh-but-fair Star commenter

    Ahhh! Men!!

    They're all rubbish- why do you bother with them?
  4. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    That is not what I said Harshie....but you know that! [​IMG]
  5. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    That sounds like my ex. after I'd been at work all day.
    Your OH needs a job.
  6. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    nothing wrong with that
    I try to cook outside as much as possible
    nasty dirty habit.
  7. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    He does Marshy, but in reality he's too old (61) and has been out of the workplace for over 20 years.
    Have suggested voluntary work but can't think in what capacity. He knows he needs to get out more and stop fretting over the Bold 2-in-1 but it's easier said than done.
    Taking up golf is not an option.
  8. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    Are there any meals on wheels/ help the aged shops in your area, I bet they would appreciate more help.
    What does your OH say about voluntary work?
  9. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    He agrees, but says it won't be easy to find something suitable. What he really needs is adult company/conversation during the day but I can't see him working in a charity shop somehow, but who knows?
    It's a tricky one but I do so wish he'd hang loose a bit with the housework stuff. I call him 'Mrs Doubtfire'......it's the only way I keep sane!
  10. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    That's why I suggested meals on wheels as it means he has to chat to the oldies etc but isn't stuck in a shop.

  11. anotherauntsally

    anotherauntsally Lead commenter

    I know someone who retired early and has has done voluntary work for years driving people to hospital for dialysis. He usually drives the same people for quite a long time before they get their transplant and says that some are now good friends. Would something like this be of any interest?
  12. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    I'd like to say 'yes' but whenever he goes out in the car he moans and groans about other drivers! I will suggest it though as it sounds like a good one.
    *he's just obsessed that drying the towels on the Aga will leave them covered in grease! Our Aga doesn't know the measning of the word 'grease'*
  13. didn't he do something quite high powered? there are small charities out there desperate for voluntary treasurers/secretaries/administrators/auditors (it's amazing how many small charities are run by early-retired army officers) what about working for the citizens advice bureau? you don't have to be a lawyer - they need admin staff as well
    is the govt website i think, but i'm sure there's plenty more
    ps tracey emin's bed (which i think was destroyed in that warehouse fire) was how it looked after she'd been lying there for 3 days with a hangover - complete with used tampons - niot how i'd like my bed to look of an evening [​IMG]

  14. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    You have been suggest several ideas but can i put it from an oldies view
    Company he needs....but he will get that either by becoming involved in a local things such as charity,driving, even the pub......or by belonging to a club which has his interest.
    For example, you can find clubs for debate or conversation, and he needs to be diverted.can you for example get him involed in your estate....grooming your horses digging the garden..get him growing hi own veg or flowers....challange him to do the thing he doest think he cant do such as building something, and then leave him to it, but give encouragement such as the odd hand helping or do it together and then sort of retire to leave him with a senseof achievement..family history is a useful diverter of time and send him off to research the places etc. He is not beyound working age but he has convinced himself he is.....but how about him volunteering to help kids in school as a reader, to do some gardening classes or to do some clubs.....all of which might be valued by your local school...remember he woud act as valuable role model to kids.
    He is lucky he is sort of retired.At nearly 65 I wish iIwas was but i seem to have to keep working....i so long to be able to get out on my scooter and do my thing but cant, I have a whole load of things to do....yet having all the choices of things to do i still tend to put things off,even though i have range of options. Its just that we can see the possibilities and know we have to do but we get into a sort of indisisive state and only act out of necessity rather than 'whats next' sort of mentality.
    As to his home habits , these can become compulsive and you do have to sit down and sort it..wish my wife did it all...I have to do most in the house and she dont work in the sense of having a job! So be grateful, but as you recognise he is 'time filling' because it stops him feeling a failure or lost for things to do.............But it quickly becomes obbsevive and can lead to marital breakdown if not stopped.
    Bleach by the way is very bad for you to use.....its toxic to your skin an d to your lungs .My daughter has just had to leave a house share because one of he flat makes was obsessed with bleach cleaning..even to plates!She developd skin and respitory problems due to this person..so beware.
    Remember your own feelings when you couldnt get a job and then apply that to his situation..he probabaly feels undervalued as a man as he 'hasnt got a job' and man pride is easily dented when you feel under used.Maybe you can both go to the local dole and search...or there is an organistion in london somewhere that draws on the skills of older people to help companies which need exert help but cant afford high paid wages.Might be worth a look around. depending upon his skills.

  15. Aside from the bit about him probably needing to get out and have some adult company (I mean, let's face it, don't we all?)
    Are you sure he feels appreciated for the work he is doing (even if some of it drives you mad?). I would love to have a househusband! (I think I would get a bit miffed about not being allowed to use my own blinkin cooker, mind!).
    The only problem I would have with having a househusband is that it would mean sharing my space with a partner - which I have become quite bad at over the years. I am so used to doing my own thing and in my way, that I think I would be very uncomfortable to live with [​IMG]
    I have been divorced 8 years now and have not been tempted even once to set up home with anyone again.
    But a househusband would be tempting, at times [​IMG]
  16. No wonder you feel like bopping him on the head belle! That must be so hard to live with. I live in dread of the day when Mr C retires - not that I think he will turn into a househusband - he'll just be there.....all the time!
    I dream of living on my own....................must check lottery ticket................
  17. [​IMG]
    Oh Belle, I sympathise. I used to be married to a man who liked things 'clean' and tidy.
    He used to go out to work all day, so he wasn't as extreme as your hubby, but I recognise the pattern. Ex was an engineer. Everything in our spotless, pristine garage was hung in size order. There'd be almost artistic patterns of spanners hanging on the wall. We both worked so he's help with housework at the weekends, but if he cleaned and polished the glass table, he'd almost have a fit if anyone put anything on it. My MIL made me laugh. When they came to visit once, before ringing the bell they looked in through the front window, only to see ex 'hawing' over the coffee table and wiping it with his sleeve. He'd spotted a bit that wasn't as sparkling as usual.
    He'd be constantly picking things up and putting them away, even if I was in the middle of a job and using whatever it was that was 'messing the place up'. !
    I was left the laundry, but he did the shopping and the supermarket trolley had to be arranged just so, and when he put things in cupboards, all the labels were lined up in lines, neatly.
    You know the film Sleeping With The Enemy with Julia Roberts? When she was alone and free of her controlling man she deliberately messed up the neatly folded towels - I was like that after divorce! (His neatness and tidiness weren't the reason for us splitting up though...his 'help' round the house was lovely and welcome - his extreme tidiness was difficult to live with. LOL)
    I don't know what to suggest really Belle. It's obviously 'in him' to be clean...and that is OK unless it's taken to extremes.
    Does he enjoy gardening? Do you still keep horses? Could he muck them out? The stables would be sparkling! [​IMG]
    I think independent women who are used to doing everything themselves are perfectly capable of ensuring things are in order...everything gets done...so people who do things differently can make us edgy. In the case of your hubby, yes, it would be difficult to live with his obsessions. It doesn't make him a bad person but it must be wearing.
    You have just reminded me not to tie the knot. [​IMG] Man I have known for over six years (and am engaged to) is also an engineer, (funny breed) although he lectures, and yes, he almost has an apoplectic fit if his son as much as leaves a crumb by the toaster - honestly.
    Can't offer any answers Belle, but can send loads of sympathy. [​IMG]
    Keep telling yourself it could be worse....
  18. A few years ago I had a partner (lovely guy but very OCD - and I thought I was bad...) who would get out one of those mini hoover thingies and hoover away my crumbs as I was eating my breakfast.
    It drove me nuts.
  19. Oh, and he also had an immaculate kitchen with lovely pots and pans, but I was never allowed to use them - I had to make do with the ugly, old ones hidden in the sideboard.
    I never understood why he bought those lovely pots and pans, which nobody was allowed to use. What a waste!
    I also wasn't allowed to cook at all if he had just cleaned the kitchen (which seemed to be just about all the time).
    Thinking back - it was all totally crazy.

  20. Have you looked into The University of the Third Age
    or Active Retirement clubs in your area.

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