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Hen party abroad!

Discussion in 'Personal' started by dominant_tonic, Apr 17, 2012.

  1. dominant_tonic

    dominant_tonic Established commenter

    It drives me insane! My s-i-l to be, whom I am not particularly fond of anyway but would have tolerated for a night out in order to keep the peace, is arranging her hen night somewhere stupid like lanzarote or ibiza or somesuch place!
    Incandescent is a good word for how it makes me feel! I think it really is the height of selfishness to expect everyone to pay £200 or so for a flight, and then accomodation and spending on top, forgetting that I will have to buy a wedding gift, and probably the obligatory new outfit as my wardrobe isn't exactly brimming. Coming up probably just short of £500 quid in total for her to get married. It makes me so mad! Half her family don't work, they have no pennies to rub together, and her social circle is far less affluent than my own, of which I am the poor relation :). However I bet they will all be there with bells on. Well not me, no way in this world at all.If I did have spare cash, this is not where it is going.
    When did weddings become so me me me, rather than, I want to spend some quality time with good friends to celebrate my upcoming nuptials?!!
    Rant over, it makes me absolutely tamping!

     
  2. I agree with every word you've said. Unbelievably selfish. The same goes for weddings abroad.
    If I were in your situation I wouldn't be going either, unless she was willing to stump up the £500.
     
  3. I know exactly what you mean. I would have no qualms with saying sorry, I can't afford it but send me a postcard please.

    I do wonder what brides are thinking when they plan these "hen-do's." Even being a guest at a wedding is not a cheap affair (usually) and so to expect friends and family, some of whom you may not be particularly close to anyway, to stump up so much is a bit crazy and selfish imho.
     
  4. I agree. Daughter and her partner are using up their holiday entitlement because he has been asked to be best man twice this year - and both weddings are abroad.
    Stag and hen dos all seem to require a journey to Prague or Ibiza these days. I'd just not go and not really care who felt let down. It's incredibly selfish and short-sighted to expect people to fork out lots of money and give up time and holidays so they can party with you, especially when the same celebrations would be just as much fun somewhere closer to home (and cheaper too.)
     
  5. I have noticed how stag and hen parties are being held abroad more and more. When my boyfriend and I were in Tenerife last summer, there was a party of around 10 ladies in their early twenties who had flown over from Ireland for a hen weekend and we saw several men who said they were on stag weekends. My stepbrother is going to one in Tenerife next weekend but the groom is paying for his friends to go as he has just come into a bit of money so that's not so bad. I do think holding a hen or stag party abroad and expecting everybody to pay for flights and accommodation is a bit much. When I have my hen night, it's probably just going to be a takeaway or something!
     
  6. Just don't go to the hen do, You don't even like the woman and if she's not one of your closest friends I doubt she'll even notice your absence!
    Is this your husband's/partner's sister or your brother's future wife? We all have to attend weddings of people we don't like I'm afraid, I'm not particularly crazy about my husband's family or friends but of all the weddings I've had to go to I've made the most of it and had a good time!
    PS - Whoever mentioned about people getting married abroad, I'm one of those 'selfish' people who did this, and it was the most amazing time of my life and I wouldn't have changed it for anything! We had a big party at home for the majority of people, only nearest and dearesr came abroad.
     
  7. No question. Don't go. Be entirely honest that you can't justify the money and don't buy a new outfit for the wedding. Treat yourself to a nice meal on that Sat. evening and give them a 2 second thought.[​IMG]
     
  8. jubilee

    jubilee Star commenter

    I think the whole hen/ stag night custom is past its sell-by date now.
    I cringe when I see groups of drunken women staggering around with one female adorned in tat and an L sign.
    Most couples are already living together when they get married these days and few who are not co-habiting will be vestal virgins.
    Why the need to paint the town red to celebrate a supposed loss of freedom that they probably gave up years ago when they moved in together?
    One thing I can't stand is people who moan about being unable to get on the housing ladder (difficult at times, I accept) when they or their family have forked out obscene sums on clothes, food and entertainment for one day and silly sums on the pre-wedding celebrations.
     
  9. lapinrose

    lapinrose Lead commenter

    In spite of being twice wed, I've never had or been to a hen party!!
     
  10. catmother

    catmother Star commenter

    I wouldn't go to a hen night if it was held one mile from my house,never mind abroad!
    Like others,I find it a cheek for the groom and bride to expect guests to spend so much money.
     
  11. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    I'm with you on that. I hate hen nights anyway so I'd be mightily relieved if it was abroad...an easy 'no thanks' for me. Same would go for a wedding abroad - 'thank you for the kind invitation but I'm unable to attend'...easy peasy.
     
  12. tartetatin

    tartetatin New commenter

    My hen night was a meal out at a nice Italian restaurant in Glasgow, which is where family members and friends lived anyway!
    These days people just go completely OTT.
    I'm going to a hen do in June where the venue (in Scotland) costs nearly £2000 for 2 nights. Admittedly, it's for sole use of a beautiful mansion house and there's enough of us going to make the cost very reasonable per person.
    Mr Tarte is going to a stag do in Poland in May and it's cheaper than the above, even when you take the flights into consideration.
    We're being encouraged in the media to holiday in GB but it can be blo.ody expensive to do so.
    Sorry, that's probably a whole new thread!
     
  13. That sounds lovely! My hen do was a murder mystery weekend, really fun!
    A few years ago I went to a hen do in Salzburg for my cousin, it was fab and proved you don't have to do the stupid dress up with 'L' plates and get totally smashed to have a good time, it was very classy and sophisticated!
     
  14. tartetatin

    tartetatin New commenter

    Och, I would totally LOVE to do that but nobody I know is interested!

     
  15. cinnamonsquare

    cinnamonsquare Occasional commenter

    I agree with those who are saying don't go. The amount of money people are expected to spend for other people's weddings is outrageous.

    I have had the opposite problem in trying to tone everything down. I wasn't fussed at all about a hen-do, but all my friends kept asking what I was doing, and my bridesmaid seemed keen to organise something, so I relented. L-plates and matching t-shirts are my idea of hell. A thread on here about treasure trails seemed like a brilliant idea, so we're spending the grand total of £5.95 to buy the map. And that's it :)
     
  16. jubilee

    jubilee Star commenter

    One of my son's close friends is getting married soon and the stag do is in Las vegas at £2,500 a head. Son is unemployed and staying at home. The wedding itself will be more than he can sensibly afford.
     
  17. I think that's just daft.
    When I hear about expensive weddings I always think of a friend of my Dad's. He took out a massive loan to pay for his daughter's wedding.....
    and was still paying it off long after she got divorced.
     
  18. giraffe

    giraffe New commenter

    'Hen party abroad' sounds like every bad, naff and nasty thing ever invented. I suppose the idea is that you can be really out of order and it won't get back to people who know you. Horrible.
    I was a bit concerned last month that my daughter was going on her friend's weekend 'hen do'. Turns out they all went UK llama trekking.
     
  19. jubilee

    jubilee Star commenter

    I was referring to my son's probable expenditure as a guest at his friend's wedding later this year. He has suitable clothing but will need to fund travel to another town , two night's accommodation, bar bills and a present.
    I agree that newly-weds and/or their families are shelling out silly money for weddings.
     

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