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Help please: PND and post natal anxiety

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by Chocarama, May 2, 2012.


  1. I thought I would start my own thread having just posted on another in H&W, sorry to have posted in 2 places. I feel like I'm at a dead end at
    the moment with nowhere to turn.
    I have recently been diagnosed with PND and lost natal anxiety. I am
    really struggling. My partner is not very supportive. He thinks I'm just
    being moody and can't understand why I don't just snap out of it. Our
    relationship is hanging by a thread at the moment. My baby is 4 months
    old and means everything to me. I'm getting worried about returning to
    work. I don't think I could manage in my current state of mind. However,
    I can not afford to repay the mat pay. I'm finding it hard to weigh up
    my options. Everyday decisions are hard so I can't fathom getting my
    head around making a choice about my job. I want to do the best thing
    for my baby but I don't know what that is any more. I have ADs but have
    not started taking them yet. I am worried about breastfeeding whilst
    taking them even though the doctor said they are 'safe'. Gosh, what a
    ramble....

     

  2. I thought I would start my own thread having just posted on another in H&W, sorry to have posted in 2 places. I feel like I'm at a dead end at
    the moment with nowhere to turn.
    I have recently been diagnosed with PND and lost natal anxiety. I am
    really struggling. My partner is not very supportive. He thinks I'm just
    being moody and can't understand why I don't just snap out of it. Our
    relationship is hanging by a thread at the moment. My baby is 4 months
    old and means everything to me. I'm getting worried about returning to
    work. I don't think I could manage in my current state of mind. However,
    I can not afford to repay the mat pay. I'm finding it hard to weigh up
    my options. Everyday decisions are hard so I can't fathom getting my
    head around making a choice about my job. I want to do the best thing
    for my baby but I don't know what that is any more. I have ADs but have
    not started taking them yet. I am worried about breastfeeding whilst
    taking them even though the doctor said they are 'safe'. Gosh, what a
    ramble....

     
  3. I'm really sorry that ur having a hard time choc. I had PND after the birth of my first daughter and it is truly horrible. That feeling that you should be happiest person alive but you just arent for some reason. Have you got anything else in place to help you other than the ADs? Is your HV coming to visit, have you been referred to counsellimg/ CBT or anything like that?
     
  4. Oh and meant to also say:
    If you are too ill to go back to work then you would be signed off sick like at any other time. In my case going back to work actually helped but obviously not everyone will be the same. In terms of your OH I think pnd is bound to cause a rocky patch. It is impossible to understand depression if you have never had it yourself. Plys he us also stressed, worried about you, probably feels (wrongly) that its because he isnt making you happy.
     
  5. Thank you for your reply. That is just how i feel. I haven't started the ads yet as I'm worried about the possible side affects in my baby whilst breastfeeding. The leaflet scared me silly. I feel like breastfeeding helps me bond with my baby so i don't want to give it up. I have been referred to PND group therapy sessions but the date keeps moving future away. It was supposed to start early April but keeps changing and will apparently now start in 2 weeks time. My partner is talking about moving out and I fear it's too late for us
     
  6. Can you get your HV round to talk to? It is what they are there for, although responsible mummies are neglected if you dont ask. I'm sure the relationship problems are really common. She may have some suggestions also what about relate? I dont think that giving up breastfeeding if it is going well and you dont want to is a good idea either, it could lead to unfounded but upsetting guilt/ failure feelings.
     
  7. Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. How about giving the Breastfeeding Network 'drugs in breastmilk' information sevice a call. They will be able to reassure you as to whether your particular ads are safe to take whilst breastfeeding.
    0844 412 4665
    www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk
     
  8. Yes, may be It's worth trying my H V again, although I didn't find her very helpful initially it those first early weeks. Salfringeman - thank you, a great idea. I will call them tomorrow. I'm so angry with myself for not enjoying my mat leave as I should be :( . I appreciate your replies.
     
  9. I'm not too sure I can help as I wasn't diagnosed with PNDor PNA but it wouldn't surprise me if I had actually had it (LO is now 16 months). My trouble started pretty much at around 4 months. LO had had reflux and eating was really bad. She never slept well at night and although I had begun to ff at 8 weeks having solely bf, I always felt I had never had the support of my OH. I felt he never understood how exhausting bf is (as we just obviously sit from what they see!) and his opinion was always that bf was my choice. And whilst true, he never really 'got' how important it was to me, even though it was hard. As a result, anyway, I was clearly still resentful at this by 4 months but hoped that by weaning, our rubbish sleeper would go longer. This did not happen and we were more sleep deprived! There were times where I threatened to move out, there were times when I had mine and LO's bags packed, but we got through in the end and now we are generally fine (even though LO still doesn't sleep!).
    I echo what the others say about checking out with professionals regarding safety of AD.
    Whatever you decide, do it for you and LO. As they say, happy mum, happy baby and whilst inevitable our priorities are with our LOs, you also need to be looked after!
    xx
     
  10. Choc dont be angry with yourself. You are unlucky enough to be ill and therefore not enjoying mat leave. Its the way it is - beating yourself up about it will make you feel worse. Accepting that it is the way it is and looking for ways forward is far more likely to lead to you getting better. I dont know how ill you are but did you know that research shows that exercise is a more effective treatment for mild to moderate depression than ADs?
     
  11. I had some PND after my first and therefore had counselling over the winter in anticipation of the arrival of number 2, as I really wanted to enjoy my kids and time with them, not feel low and a failure and anxious. I felt it'd be a 'crunch' time in my life (and it certainly has been as my dad also died suddenly just before LO2 was born) and asked the counsellor for some tools to help me deal with it all.
    The most important thing I learned was that I can't control some things (whether baby sleeps well, whether you get PND, whether work is supportive etc) but that I can control (or work on controlling!) my FEELINGS about how things are and my feelings ABOUT my feelings.
    So accept that you are not enjoying things at the moment, feel that this is disappointing, then accept your feelings as your feelings and don't beat yourself up about them.
    An example is when I was sick in pregnancy and not enjoying LO or life much I found myself wishing to be just me alone - not pregnant, not mum of a toddler... just me, living life. I sometimes found it really hard to play with her and it was tough. Initially I really felt guilt and frustration about these feelings (what a **** mum I am for example) but after the counselling I learnt to say to myself ' i'm not enjoying mummy-hood today, but that's ok... I am feeling rough, she is a bit of a grump and most people find it boring and tough some days'.
    I
     
  12. I'm sorry - I don't have too much to add other than hugs to you. I am sorry you are having a tough time of it. I think there is some good advice on this forum particularly from Beachut and Lilypot. I wasn't diagnosed with PND or PNA but only because I didn't seek any help. Looking back, I'm sure I had PNA which was made a lot worse by worrying/dreading going back to work. It did blight my maternity leave and with hindsight, I wish I'd sought proper help. Beachut is right - things might not always be great but it's a question of accepting how you feel rather than beating yourself up about it. Hope you are ok. Remember, you always will have lots of support on this forum.
     
  13. hhhh

    hhhh Lead commenter

    Echo earlier poster about work, take time off sick if you need to and don't feel guilty. A lot of mums I've known found they felt much better if they could get some sleep and exercise, my best friend found these more important than the pills, but of course that may be differnt for you. You could just bottlefeed then you can take your pills, I personally understand you wouldn't want to take even a small risk. Trust me, as someone who breastfed one and bottlefed another you bond just as well, plus it might help you get some sleep, if your OH can do the night feeds he will feel he's helping in a practical way.
     
  14. Choc how are you doing now?
     
  15. Thanks so much for all of the replies.
    Brettgirl - I've been lying low for a week or so but thanks for asking after me :). I started the ADs as I got to the point where I just didn't know what to do anymore. I'm on day 9 (or 10?) now I think and they are making me feel pretty awful. Feeling quite sick as well.
    I forget who said 'accept this is how you are at the moment' and I think that was great advice. I feel a bit stronger now and feel like I can tackle these feelings now I have tried to accept this is what I'm going through *at the moment* and that it will hopefully pass in X amount of time.
    I've been lucky enough to get on a CBT/interpersonal therapy course and had my first session yesterday. It was a huge emotional release/relief to actually be open in front of others (there are 10 of us, all with PND/PNA) and to see that I'm not the only one when it appears that everyone else is being 'supermum'! It was like looking in a mirror 9 times over.
    My relationship with my partner has deteriorated though. We are finding it hard to communicate and get past the rows and bad things that have been said. Our pregnancy was an accident (although my little girl is the best thing that has ever happened to me) and we had not been together long when I fell pregnant. I think this is part of the problem - we don't have much past history to look back upon and remember the good times. Looking back now I can see that my anxiety and depression started mid way through my pregnancy.
    I am going back to work after half term to serve my notice period as I can not afford to pay back my mat pay. I live a fair way from school and the commute will be too much (over an hour). I asked for p/t but it the hours would have been spread over too many days making it too difficult to arrange childcare etc.I'm nervous about going back and nervous about being unemployed as well. If my partner and I seperate, then I am facing relying on benefits which is just awful when I barely have a shread of self-esteem left anyway. I feel very anxious and my future and that of my baby. :(
     
  16. Chocorama - I'm glad that you're feeling stronger in terms of dealing with this. I just wanted to post to wish you well. I can understand how you must be feeling. I was never diagnosed with PND but I was definitely on the verge of it. I struggled with all sorts and seemed to have lots of problems that other mums around me just didn't have. I think that we have to remember sometimes that there are many mums that struggle (even those that make out they are 'supermum') and unfortunately some mums feel as though they have to make out that all is going great when the reality can be different. I'm sure the AD's will kick in soon and you'll start to feel better - the sickness is probably just a temporary side effect. Good luck and keep us posted on how you are xx
     

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