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Help - not a nice situation

Discussion in 'Personal' started by noiceycar, May 16, 2011.

  1. Hi
    I am one of those rarities, a male primary school teacher.
    And I am need of advice.
    I met and married my wife in Singapore, she is Peruvian.
    Unfortunately, we are now looking at a divorce.
    I knew her family had emigrated to the States, but
    3 months after we were married, she told me they were illegal immigrants,
    and whilst she was there she paid a guy to marry her so she could get her green card.
    They married, but she didn't get the green card so had to leave the US.
    We moved back to the UK in December 2008, with my wife pregnant.
    She contributed nothing financially to the marriage, I bought the house, and spent all my savings doing it up and buying
    her a car as she started work with our daughter 1 year old. She is in international sales.

    Obviously there are arguments, but I have never cheated or anything on her.
    I love my daughter, but my wife is now saying 'We're in England, women have rights here...the baby should be with me and I am entitled to the house.' (not a direct quote - but in a nutshell.)
    Personally, I think she is entitled to half of any appreciation in the value of the house, but more importantly, I want to be with my daughter. I initially thought we would split custody 50/50.
    Or do the courts give the woman custody?
  2. harsh-but-fair

    harsh-but-fair Lead commenter

    From what you have written you appear to be suggesting that your wife is a bigamist or have I misinterpreted what you have written?
  3. DM

    DM New commenter

    I think you need to speak to a solicitor not us.
  4. littlemissraw

    littlemissraw Occasional commenter

    I thought it went of a mixture of things like financial stability. Not working excessive hours so able to spend time with the child etc...
    Might be some info here Pannone (I used to do their ads for them and they used to do a free info leaflet too...) x
  5. .
    Obviously they divorced
  6. Thanks Littlemiss -
    I've no idea how it works, just panicking now
  7. Seeing as you are on her birth cirtificate, married to her mother etc, you already have joint parental responsibilty. They don't use words like 'custody' in UK family courts (sounds like a prison!), they talk about 'residence' and 'contact' (used to be called access).

    The best interests of the child is always what will determine who is granted a residence order. Often that does mean the child stays with the mother the majority of the time, but has contact with father every other weekend and on Wednesday evenings - this is what i have seen happen to some of my friends anyway!

    I think now the government would prefer these kinds of cases to be setted through mediation which could mean you come up with your own agreements between you. However, by the sounds of things your ex does not sound like somebody who would be easy to mediate with?

    More information here: http://www.sfla.co.uk/residencedetermined.htm
  8. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    Something that is becoming more common is shared residence. I had a pupil who spent 5 days with Mum, 4 days with Dad.
    It is not a given that Mum gets custody. Shared residence can be great or it could be a nightmare for the child not knowing where "home" is.
    I have no idea about the house. Speak to a solicitor. It does not seem fair that she gets half the house if she contributed nothing - of course, if you bought it in 2008, it's probably worth less (sorry). Then who pays the mortgage? Maintenance costs.
    Not a good situation to be in. Virtual hug coming to you.
  9. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    I would take legal advice. If she commited bigamy should you inform the police?

  10. chicabonita

    chicabonita New commenter

    Who is the primary carer for your daughter? If it's you, won't that be in your favour in terms of deciding residence? I agree though, see a solicitor ASAP.

    If your wife is divorced from her sham marriage I'm not sure why it's relevant here?
  11. What is her visa status in the UK?
    If she is on a settlement visa as your wife and you divorce she will have to leave.
    What nationality or nationalities is your daughter?

  12. The Human Rights Act will not allow a parent to be deported if they have a small child living in this country legally. No need to worry about that.
  13. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    When my OH divorced his previous wife he got full custody of the children, so it does happen.
  14. clear_air

    clear_air New commenter

    Yes. See a solicitor.

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