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Help and advice needed - warning it's about weddings!

Discussion in 'Personal' started by rlh1285, Aug 24, 2011.

  1. Hello!

    Wondered if anyone could give me some advice. I'm planning my wedding for next summer. And I'm finding it quite hard to manage the expectations of my groom-to-be and my parents. Basically the plan is to get married at the rural family home... This week's major sticking point is that we (groomie and I) would like to book out the local pub for him and his family and ushers. My step-mum thinks that it is unfair to the other guests to offer anyone first refusal on accommodation. I suspect that there may be an ulterior motive here, as she would like the nearest (and easiest) hotel for particular people.

    I know that essentially I need to stand up to my parents and say what I want, but am increasingly feeling trapped between them and groomie! Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice about how to be more courageous with my family?

    I know in the grand scheme that weddings are silly froth, and it should be an enjoyable process, but any kind words would be really helpful!!

    Thanks in advance, R
     
  2. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    Do what you and groomie want. Step-mum's wishes come much further down the list I'm afraid.
    Book the pub.......NOW!
     
  3. Oh the joy of weddings! My son got married in April and I have to hand it to them they handled everything really well including the fact that the bride's father and mother hadn't seen or spoken to each other for 2 years!

    Anyway they came up with a really good idea. They compiled a list of local hotels, B&B's guest houses to suit all pockets and sent it out to guests and everyone was responsible for booking their own accommodation. That way there is no argument or come back if people aren't satisfied. If you want to be a bit sneaky you could always give the heads up to the grooms family before you send out the list, without your mum knowing anyway. All happy. Weddings are far too stressful for you to be worrying about other people, let them look after themselves. You need to concentrate on your wonderful day!

    Good luck!
     
  4. marlin

    marlin Star commenter Forum guide

    As a fairly newbie M-i-L my advice would be stick to what you want to do - but look for an alternative that you can offer to other guests. Remember some hotels will give a discount if you are booking several rooms.
    Perhaps if you say to your step-mum that whilst you hope the family will all come together as one after the wedding, most guests will feel more comfortable if they are with their 'own side' in the hotel. Have ready an idea of which hotel you might take rooms in for the guests your step-mum is worried about and present this to her - much better if you have done your research and present the facts than argue around the point with no solution on the table. Be firm, but nice with it [​IMG]
    It's hard, but one of the lessons parents have to learn is to step back and assist when asked, rather than take control. Those apron strings do pull hard!!!
     
  5. Groom's family and ushers take priority over other guests. You and your intended are right, step-mum is wrong.
    That bit is easy, not allowing yourself to be bullied is harder. I quite like the dripping tap assertiveness technique: just keep saying "Groom's family and ushers take priority over other guests". Don't get dragged into arguments or distracted by side issues, just keep repeating that sentence. Laughing after about the third repetition often works : )
     
  6. marlin

    marlin Star commenter Forum guide

    We sent out lists too, but did make sure that we organised accommodation for the important guests - everyone else sorted themselves out.
     
  7. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    We buggered off to Mauritius to get married and didn't invite anyone......sorted!!!!! [​IMG]
     
  8. Thanks everyone!!

    There are LOADS of hotels near-by, but the pub is the only one within walking distance. I am going to speak to her this afternoon and just be very assertive. Groom and his lot need a base. End of story. He is all for booking it this evening, but don't want to create tension between him and my family if it can be avoided!

    I now have an american cheerleader style thing going around my head. "Be assertive. Be be assertive!"
     
  9. BOOK IT THIS EVENING!!!
    Quick!
     
  10. The manager is phoning me back after 4. I'm just going to do it, and hang the consequences!
     
  11. Good! Then blame your intended if there is fall-out! It's good training for the rest of your marriage!
     
  12. FrauSue

    FrauSue New commenter

    If the accommodation that isn't within walking distance is going to be where most of the other guests are staying, why not offer to lay on a bus to and from the wedding for people who are there? That way there shouldn't be as many issues and it shows you have thought about their needs too.
     
  13. Assertiveness worked! She wasn't 100% keen, but I pointed out how important it was for Groomie to have a base with his family and ushers and she's on board!

    Booking it now so that she can't change her mind!!

    FrauSue, pretty sure we will provide some sort of minibus for people to get around, not worrying too much about that at the mo. Just wanted to pin down stuff for the future in-laws!

    Thanks everyone for the advice!!
     
  14. marlin

    marlin Star commenter Forum guide

    At one wedding we went to the bride and groom booked a red route master bus (decorated in wedding style!) to transport guests from hotel to the wedding and then on to the reception.
     

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