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Having an affair with a colleague in school

Discussion in 'Personal' started by latinjazz, Jul 10, 2008.

  1. Have you ever heard about anyone having an affair with a colleague in your school or have YOU ever had an affair yourself?
    Do you feel guilty or not? Do you feel excited because you live a secret life?
    What are the consequences if the secret is known by your colleagues? Would that damage your teaching career?
    In my school someone was having an affair with a colleague this year. I would not have suspected the 2 of them having an affair for months! Incredible!
     
  2. Have you ever heard about anyone having an affair with a colleague in your school or have YOU ever had an affair yourself?
    Do you feel guilty or not? Do you feel excited because you live a secret life?
    What are the consequences if the secret is known by your colleagues? Would that damage your teaching career?
    In my school someone was having an affair with a colleague this year. I would not have suspected the 2 of them having an affair for months! Incredible!
     
  3. I don't do "affairs" full stop.

    I would neither cheat, nor cheat upon, nor start anything with a man who was already in a relationship, which means a third party is being cheated.

    IF I had a relationship with somebody within my place of work (I never have) I would not necessarily broadcast it or post a message on the notice board, but nor would I make a secret of it either.

     
  4. OP: "Having an affair with a colleague in school "

    *koff*

    May I suggest that the houses of the two parties, or some other neutral location might be more advisable than school premises?
     
  5. It is more common than you think. Time has moved on and I am happy now but I remember the time when it all came out...

    The top ten horrors I survived were...

    1. feeling utterly humilated when OH was sitting with my dept colleague in briefing the next day in the same clothes as yesterday after I chucked him out on discovery.

    2. The HT asking if he could do anything in an embarrassed voice and maybe I'd like to take a few days off.

    3. All the kids knowing. Ergo all the parents knowing and both give me their opinion while trying to teach a lesson , discuss progress etc

    4. All my colleagues knowing and some had known for some time it appeared.

    5. The dept head arriving on my door step to tell me my colleague was 3 months pregnant 3 months later.

    6. Sitting in dept meetings opposite the other party.

    7. having to get up from the table where staff would gather to eat their lunch in the staffroom when she arrived and sat down and complained that the pregancy nausea was really getting to her and she could not eat a thing.

    8. That after a while collleagues aceepted it as "normal" and everything just carried on as if I had never been with my other half.

    9. Fighting to keep a roof over my head.

    10. Dept colleague bringing round the baby to show the tutor group the next academic year in the room opposite mine.


    I kept my head up high, dignity intact and moved on.

    In the end they did me a favour but god it hurt like hell at the time. To this day I have no idea how I did it but I did cos I had no choice. I wish them the best of luck because I am the better person.
     
  6. Maybe it is me being dubious but the OP sounds like someone fishing for a story or a confession. I don't like posts like these.

    Why do you want answers to so many questions??
     
  7. DaisysLot

    DaisysLot Senior commenter

    I am with CQ on this.....

    And your story is testament to why such things are obviously not a good idea. Why would anyone do anything that deliberatly will hurt someone else I have no idea.
     
  8. a dignified response to an ill thought out question. I'm glad to hear that you've moved on after such a horrendous time.
     
  9. catmother

    catmother Star commenter

    I'm not sure what you mean by having an affair.Do you mean colleagues going out with each other or married colleagues going out with each other?
    Either way,it would be none of my business.
     
  10. Richie Millions

    Richie Millions New commenter

    Times have changed.To admit to such a thing in the past would have meant one or both parties leaving. However schools seem to accomodate more these days. Never a good idea to sleep with a pupil's parent I feel. On the whole, agree affairs not good from moral point of view. Never good to "flaunt" a relationship in front of colleagues.
     
  11. The OP sounds like s/he is recruiting guests for the Jeremy Kyle show.
     
  12. My old headteacher was having an affair with our Senco (another SLT member).

    What was funny was even LEA advisors knew about it. The worlds worst kept secret!
     
  13. To all the moralising sanctimonious posters condemning this thread.....

    HELLO!!! REAL WORLD HERE!!!! ANYONE THERE?????

    These affairs go on all the time. In my second post a HOY left his wife to go out with a MFL teacher. Whenever we had an argument (there were loads) I always ended up saying "at least I didn't leave my wife for a colleague!" - pref. in front of the whole staffroom - God he hated me. Tee hee.

    I have had lots of drunken snogs with colleagues, even ended up in bed with a couple of them, and yes, had one affair which lasted quite a while after I left.

    Please take into account that we are not here to judge others' actions - that would be a different flavour of "Personal".
     
  14. Richie Millions

    Richie Millions New commenter

    It is often the case that these "lovers" think it is exciting and secret and actually the whole world knows, but it is not discussed obviously in front of them. I once new a HT who in the space of 1 year managed to make his wife, secretary and NQT teacher pregnant. I would have liked to have seen his performance management targets.
     
  15. JJ - I am not judging anybody. I merely posted the standards I set for myself.

    I would certainly never start an "affair" or relationship with somebody who is already in one. I know people who have and they had their reasons, which I could understand and accept.

    But I, CQ, would never do so.

    I have never had an affair with a work colleague simply because I couldn't stand seeing somebody all day and then in the evening too.
     
  16. Honourable intentions cq, but none of us is perfect and the love bug can bite at any time - wish it would bite me - I could do with a bit of spice. I would never dream of splitting up a marriage, but I don't think anyone who embarks on an affair really wants to cause unhappiness either. These things happen. Think of the countless cases of health fanatics who suddenly get cancer; the religious nuts who have secret S&M worlds; the social workers who have horrifically dysfunctional/abusive homes; the Substance Misuse Workers who are themselves Addicts/alcoholics?

    I think what we are looking for here is GOSSIP, not an exploration of moral parameters.
     
  17. "I don't think anyone who embarks on an affair really wants to cause unhappiness either".


    ooh I dunno there's nowt so queer as folk but maybe it's just ultra selfishness - a feature of human nature we are all guilty of at times.


    I agree with SE15, it's very common.
     
  18. I recently posted this story on another thread. One of the managers in the office I worked in was blatantly having an affair. I mean absolutely no shame, not even hiding it. The woman in question was an ex-colleague of his. She used to work there (before my time there). He used to disappear for long private telephone calls in an office, long lunch breaks and he would leave work as early as poss (flexi time). In the meantime, his wife would have called wanting to speak to him but we used to have to say that he wasn't at his desk or something. He was even heard having sexually explicit conversations in the office, discussing sexual positions. She would ring him and if anybody answered but him, she would not even speak and just put the phone down on whoever answered. He also tried doing the thing of changing her name to "John" or something, so when she rang he would say "Oh Hi John...." and then he would lower his voice and start whispering sweet nothings.

    The worst was the Christmas do. He brought his wife and we had to sit there making small talk with her. She didn't look very happy and it was awful. I really really wanted to say something. I couldn't stand this bloke, however he was a manager and it would have been a career finisher for me.

    In the end he left the company to move to Scotland with his wife. Not sure what happened to "John" the bit on the side in the end. He was quite old as well, in his fifties and I think "John" might have been in here late thirties or something.

    It's not just the people who get affected. Work colleagues have to carry it as well.
     
  19. I use this id to protect my usual one from which I could more easily be identified.

    I work in a church school. Our head has now left his wife to live with another member of staff. She is not a teacher and is having someone take on some of her "heavy" workload from next term. This whilst teachers, TAs and admin staff are made redundant. Decisions are therefore not being made, IMO, in an equitable manner, but some smack of nepotism. I mentioned that we are a church school. The Governing body, diocese etc are quite content to allow the status quo to continue. Even the atheists on our staff are horrified by the way he has been able to continue with no one even saying anything to him.

     
  20. You just have to read post 4 to see why this is wrong. You are so strong, not many people could have continued to work in that situation.

    It is true that you can not help who you have feelings for, however we are all responsible for our own actions. Just because you like someone does not mean you have to act on those feelings. I simply can not understand people who will happily enter into something that they know will end up hurting someone so much.
     

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