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Having a sibling

Discussion in 'Personal' started by anon3279, Jun 12, 2011.

  1. Yes, I was fortunate enough that I was able to have more than one child and that's not something I took forgranted. I had 15 1/2 months between children 1 and 2, then a 2 year 4 month gap, then a 12 year gap (!) and another 2 year 4 month gap. (Obvs the latter 2 are from a different marriage). I'm lucky that my children are all pretty normal to each other. The eldest 3 are all in their 20s are are friendly and supportive to each other but aren't friends as such. THe youngest two are friends at the moment but they're still young.
    I reckon that having 3 didn't cost much more than 2. Having 5 is expensive but I'd rather have less myself and have my lovely children but we are very lucky to be in the position of being able to manage.
    Less than 2 years between my brother and me and he hates me, has always hated me and always will hate me. Close gap doesn't seem to make much difference. My 6 and 8 year olds adore their 20 something brothers and sisters.
    Do what you feel is right for you as a family [​IMG]
  2. No, although I always knew I wanted more than one. I stopped at two, although I actually wanted 3 or 4, but I lost two and I had been advised not to have any more (too old now anyway!)
    My children are 3 years apart. It is the same age as my sister and I are apart (and the same age my mother and aunt were apart!) and I think on the whole, it is ideal. You have one out of nappies as the next one comes along and the elder child can do a wee bit more for themselves, freeing up your hands!
    It is not a given that they will always play together - mine do, but often don't. They bicker like any siblings do and they have their own friends. I have a boy and a girl, so there interests are also becoming different as they grow older. They do stick through good and bad times with one another however and one will defend the other amongst friends (and against me!)
    I don't think there is an ideal age gap, although I have a friend who has a brother 8 years older and a sister 5 years younger and she says they were like "only" children and never played together (they are now in their 40s and 50s and get along great!)
  3. mine are over 4 years apart, but that is because i had difficulty conceiving master post
    it was difficult when they were small, and i spent a lot more time soothing out differences than is generally advised, because whilst it seems sensible to let 2 close in age fight it out, with a large gap, it can be unfair (in our case, on the older, more reasonable one!!)
    whether kids get on when older depends on temperament and likes as well as age - we've had further blips where miss p was growing ahead of master p and so finding him annoying, but by and large they have similar interests - she is now 18, and for his 14th birthday, she has bought them both tickets to take him to his first london music gig
  4. Always wanted two and had two, hadn't planned only ten and a half months between them but I found out what was causing it and stopped doing it.[​IMG]
  5. becky70

    becky70 New commenter

    Most people I know who've had children have made a choice to have more than one and usually close together - gaps of about 18 months to 3years seem to be the norm.
    I would have chosen two but I'm having great difficulty conceiving. If we have a successful IVF and have any embryos left over then we will try for a sibling but that's a big if.
  6. bnm


    None of us were "planned" but I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers and am very pleased I have them. I am 20 years younger than my eldest sister yet we get on very well together and have just planned a mini-break for August.
    I feel very blessed that I have siblings who will always be there for me, and with whom I have a shared history, even if we did not grow up together.
  7. I know you have been having problems. Just to give you a bit of hope, my sister tried to conceive for years then applied for IVF..
    Just as she was due for the treatment, she found out she was pregnant and the pregnancy was normal and without a glitch (she had had one very nasty miscarriage). She was 37 by this time.
    She has decided not to reapply for IVF - she has one child and it looks as if it is staying that way, but she is happy and over the moon.
    I wish you lots of luck and strength and happier days xxx
  8. I have a brother who is 22 months younger than me and a foster-brother the same age as my brother. We were inseparable as children and remain close as adults. My mother had a six-year gap between her and her sister and said she never felt as if she had a sibling until they were adults.
    I planned two years between mine and got it. They were close as children and still are.
  9. becky70

    becky70 New commenter

    Thank you, CQ x
  10. I planned the three years and got it. However, I feel blessed that I did, as I had had one miscarriage before my first (the second was after my second child).
    Unfortunately, you can rarely plan for it and those of us who have children should count our blessings, whether they are 1 or 20 years apart.

  11. As an only child, I always hoped to have at least three children, but after my first two were born 18 minutes apart I didn't dare try again! The odds of a second set of twins are about 16 to 1 and I figured I would probably be the one!
  12. katycustard

    katycustard Occasional commenter

    That's a lovely thing to hear bnm, I have 5 children. Three in their 30's and a 13 and 10 yr old. They are all close and I hope they continue to be so.
  13. Hear, hear. Certainly, I've never taken mine forgranted and it wasn't the plain sailing it might at first appear to be.
  14. I am one of 5 and the 4 girls are very roughly 2 years apart but my brother is 7 years younger than my youngest sister and 13 years younger than my eldest. We are all very close.
    I have one son. I would have loved more and planned for 2 year differences but it didn't work out that way. I never wanted to have an only child, I love having siblings and now, as my mum getts increasingly frail, it is good to be able to share the load.
  15. clear_air

    clear_air New commenter

    My first two are just over 2 years apart, and then number three came along just under three years later. I had planned (aimed!) for a similar age gap between all of them, but I, too, had a miscarriage. Mine all play together - a lot, and fight with each other - a lot!
    We had a third child, partly becuase we didn't want to stop, and partly because our first son has Down Syndrome, and we wanted a 'normal' sibling for our middle son. If the worst happened to us, I would hate the thought that he might have to bear responsibility for his brother on his own. Thankfully he gets on famously with his little sister - but there are no guarantees.
    From a parenting perspective, I found the nearly three year gap easier to manage (elder children were at school/nursery for part of the day, which gave me a bit of breathing space), and I found the two year gap very intense - but I think that's partly because DS1 wasn't as independent as his peers.
    There's no right or wrong answer - sorry to be so unhelpful! But I have to say I love the hurly burly of a largish family. There's certainly never a dull moment!! (mind you - I would consider how much support you ahve round about you, and what your work plans are. None of the grandparents give us much support - apart from my mum, but she's 2 hours away), and I haven't been able to go back to work until this year - and DS1 is 10!!! Multiple children are lovely, but haaaaarrrrrd work.)
  16. giraffe

    giraffe New commenter

    I've just asked my youngest about gaps and she says the year and a half between her elder sisters (No 1 and No 2) is the best. We waited another five years to have her (No 3) and she doesn't like having such grown up sisters who can do everything, while she is a teenager at home still.

    When they were little though, No 3 got lots of attention and time and had the best of both - sisters to play with when they got home from school and time with me when they were at school. I found it easier that way too.
    When No1 was just starting school, I had a demanding toddler No2 at home who needed a nap mid afternoon - round about the time I had to collect her sister from school - my, was she stressy about that!!!
    No 1 and No 2 used to fight like wildcats - especially in the double buggy or in the back of the car.
    Now they are in their twenties, even though they live some way from each other, they are very close, go on holiday together and have even bought similar cars to each other.
  17. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    Totally agree!
    I'm 22 months older than my sister and 5 and a bit years older than my brother and we were all really close as kids, although 2 of us often paired up and it was 2 against 1! We all played nicely together though, and when my sister and i were older we used to go out together. Because my birthday is October and hers is August we were only one school year apart. When we were at university we used to visit each other.
    My sister lives abroad now so i can't see her as often as i'd like to, but we e-mail each other every day. My brother still lives in my hometown and i'm nearly 300 miles away so i don't see him that often, but we're still close and get on well and meet up whenever i stay with my parents.
    I've got 2 children - my son is 2 next week and my daughter is a month old, so they have pretty much the same age gap as my sister and I. We definitely wanted to have more than one child because we think it's nice to have siblings. My husband is also the eldest of 3, with exactly the same age gaps as me and my siblings. I think he'd like us to have 3, but i'm happy with 2!
  18. Thank you for your replies.
    May I just explain that I didn't intend to start a thread on what was the best age gap. I was wondering if anybody had decided to have more than one child because they felt having a sibling was of such importance they couldn't see their child as the only one. We have actually been trying to start a family for some time now; I am under no illusions of the difficulties conceiving can bring.
  19. clear_air

    clear_air New commenter

    Yes. See above. (but I think that mothers know when they've hit their limit tbh. Ask 'em if they want another one, and they either go gooey eyed, or green looking!) I know it sounds airy fairy, but I think you will find that the answers are inside yourself, not on here. Posters can only tell you of their experience, which will, perforce, be different to yours.
  20. ah - well, i would have been content with one, i think, being 36 when miss post was born, and her being such a difficult baby, but mister p did hanker after a chance for a boy, and miss post herself started nagging for a sibling as soon as she could talk in whole sentences
    tho i'm one of 4 and would have loved more if i'd been younger, as a larger family does give you more chance of someone to get on with
    but i do think we get too hung up about only children - siblings may not get on, and you can always make scads of playdates for an only

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