Hi everyone, Not sure anyone can help, but having a really hard time coming to terms with the recent birth of my daughter and could use any advice or comments. My partner started a new job literally on the day that I gave birth to our daughter. He had to go away for 48 hours for a conference and I said that he should go, as there were no signs that the baby was coming and really didn't think we could be so unlucky with the time, also felt it was his decision to make and so didn't want to beg him to stay, only to look like an over reacting woman when no baby came for another 2 weeks and he missed such an important start in the new job. He left on Wednesday afternoon (2nd March) and then that night I had my waters break and went into labour. I was lucky to be staying with my mum and after 2 hours of timing she insisted that we go to the hospital. We got there and I was 8cm and baby Elli arrived one hour later. From start to finish it all lasted about 4 hours, and I was lucky to need no pain relief and have just a reasonable tear. I was in denial most of the time thinking it was stomach pains, refusing to accept that OH wouldn't be there. Think I was in shock for the first days as there was no time to adjust to the fact that the baby was really coming. I have been so lucky, Elli fed well right from the start, she sleeps for 4 hour stretches through the night, only really cries when she needs something. I have my mum and dad nearby for these first few weeks and they come by each day and help with food, cleaning, washing etc. I should be over the moon. But... I can't stop crying today and thinking about the birth and how awful it is that OH missed it all. I can't help feeling sad that we won't have that special memory to share with each other when we are old. He has no idea what it was like, and it doesn't really interest him to talk about it because it is such a foreign idea to him. It's like hearing about a holiday you didn't go on when someone keeps wanting to show you the photos and you can't really understand. I feel gutted that we missed this chance to bond over this amazing thing, and that we'll never be able to say 'remember when..?'. Elli is 11 days today, and I guess this must be the baby blues kicking in, so shoudl just grin and bear it for a while.. mum is coming over with lunch to look after me. I just wish I could turn back time and have had him there to share it with me and to see what I went through.