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happy but sad

Discussion in 'Personal' started by mickymilan, May 28, 2011.

  1. mickymilan

    mickymilan New commenter

    so how do you know you will never marry or have kids?
     
  2. How do you know this? It's not too late even if you are in your mid 30s. If there is a biological reason for not having kids then there are always alternatives such as adoption or fostering.
    I say enjoy the assisting in the plans for the wedding but maybe start to invest in your own future and your own happiness.
    As for being normal when feeling sad, I think that when big life events happen to others whom you are close to, you do evaluate your own life and if it is found "wanting" you can feel upset and like you have failed.
    Chin up chuck.
     
  3. Spinster is such an emotive word. Wouldn't independent suit you better? It isn't given to everyone to be able to have children but you can still be fulfilled without. I do think it is normal when someone seems to be ahead of you like this to be a leetle bit jealous even.
     
  4. harsh-but-fair

    harsh-but-fair Senior commenter

    Because she's Monica from Friends ?
     
  5. Hey...how YOU doing, LBB?
     
  6. That is a totally normal reaction as you are happy for your sister but also a little sad for yourself. I feel like this all the time as I'm mid 30s, long term single and wondering if I will ever meet anyone! As the years go by it seems more and more unlikely. I have seen countless friends announce engagements, get married, have babies etc and although I am always happy to share their news, I always feel a bit **** about myself!
     
  7. LittleBrownBear

    LittleBrownBear New commenter

    because I can't for medical reasons- have children that is. I just don't think I ever will get married. My longest relationship has been 1.5 years and I am 33. Not a good sign

     
  8. LittleBrownBear

    LittleBrownBear New commenter

    Yes exactly Fiona L. I am the only single one left of my friends and you get left out of things because you aren't in a couple or have children hanging off you.
    I guess it's always been led to think that it would be me with the marriage and children and my sister with the flash car and designer boyfriend- it's our personalities. I am quieter, more homely and motherly where as my sister is loud and a party animal. It's tradition as well I guess and my mother puts a lot of pressure on me about getting married etc. I am looking into adopting though as I would have loved to be able to have children. I guess part of me feels like I have failed as a woman as I can't do that so that doesn't help.
    I am glad I have it to organise it as it will keep me busy and I have told her that she must invite single men and I am not sitting on the children's table! Nor am I wearing pink, anything frilly or poofy or resembles a pair of curtains!l I will go on a very long and expensive holiday after it I think!
    I am too independent and free spirited I think. Part of me wans to have the marriage but then I look at all the un happy married people I know and think - no thanks! It just gets hard when you don't have anyone to go out with cos they are all married off. I am very unhappy in my work and where I am living so but I have a plan to change it so that will make me feel better hopefully.

    Thanks- glad I am not the only one who feels the same!

     
  9. Happiness will come up and bite you on the **** when you least expect it. For the time being just enjoy being big sis organising little sis' wedding.
     
  10. Me too LBB! I am very unhappy in my work too so it's all getting me down as I feel like my job is the focal point of my life and I hate it! Feels very lonely. I am lucky to have lots of friends but most are married with kids or in relationships so it revolves around when they aren't with their husbands etc! I'm 35 in the summer and just feel like it's all passing me by. I'm getting out as much as possible, have done internet dating a few times but to no avail. On the other hand, I do love lots of things about being single and would be worried about losing my independence.
    Apart from a 3 year relationship when I was 19-22, I have been single for the last 12 years apart from one 7 month relationship. Starting to wonder if I'm an alien being! People always say when you least expect etc but I haven't been expecting it for a decade and nothing has happened!
     
  11. LittleBrownBear

    LittleBrownBear New commenter

    Yes, I think high maintence is the way to go! According to my mum I need to do the helpless female thing as I am of the mentality that if I can do it myself I will! This includes DIY and car things! I need to be a girl and say it will break my nails or damage my fake tan or something!! *eyes rolling*.
    Yes, just watching John Bishop as he cracks me up but halfway through a bottle of red and have GU dessert!! Diet tomorrow!!
    Are you watching an episode or one of the films?!

     
  12. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Lead commenter

    How is that going to conjure up a boyfriend? I can't quite see what your mum is getting at.
     
  13. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    I wouldn't pretend to do the whole "helpless female" thing, it's not attractive.
     
  14. Yes but in my experience so far, men always seem to leave me and go out with someone needy, high maintenance and/or helpless. It really irritates me! When I think of some former acquaintances, colleagues or house mates who have been very needy or high maintenance, they have always had men falling at their feet whereas nobody is ever interested in me!
    I used to think I was single because I was overweight but since having lost 3 stone, there is still no interest!
     
  15. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    Do you find those men who are attracted to those "helpless females" attractive are they worth your time?
     
  16. Meant to say LBB, am watching the series! Have got the box sets which I've seen several times. Am currently on series 5 again!
    Marshy, with some of those guys, Ive been really keen on them but they've often gone distant and then ended up going back to a needy ex or I've later found out they're going out with someone who is very high maintenance or quite bitchy. I haven't yet found anyone I'm attracted too who equally wants to be with me as it's always one sided.
    I'd like to think there is someone out there somewhere and I do appreciate the good things about being single but as they years go by without anyone on the horizon, it doesn't seem too hopeful. I look at other people in relationships and wonder how they manage it and what they have that I don't! Just feel like it's a reflection on me that nobody wants to be with me!
     
  17. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    There will be someone somewhere. It took years for me to meet someone who was worth my time and effort.
     
  18. I'm 29, and broke up with boyfriend of 3 years (who I was living with) the day before Valentines Day. One of my best friends is getting married in September, and I will be the only single friend at her wedding. At the moment I feel that I'm going to be single forever, because I've never had men flocking to me (ex was a fluke and proof that when you're not looking etc), but that's mainly because I'm not looking, and I don't want to look, at the moment.
    Whenever I feel like there's nobody out for me I listen to this song, and try to remember that it's often what happens; for example... my uncle met his (American) wife when they were both working in Angola for Oxfam.
     
  19. Thanks everyone and sorry for hijacking your thread LBB!
    I do hope that one day I will have someone to share my life with. I know everyone says you have to be happy on your own first etc etc but humans are social animals and we aren't designed to be on our own permanently! I don't tend to go away on holidays as there is noone to go with and don't relish the thought of eating alone in restaurants every night. I'm very independent and have lived abroad on my own etc but just feel I've reached a point where I would really like someone to share things with!
    I have a colleague who is a few years younger than me and back in December broke up with her boyfriend of 7 years. By February she was loved up with someone else and they are moving in together. Although it smacks of rebound, they do seem really happy and he worships her. I can't help but feel really jealous as I've been on my own for 4+ years without even a kiss and she is single for a matter of weeks before the next one comes along! Arghhh!
     
  20. Same here. I keep having a dabble with internet dating, yet nothing. So I give it up and concentrate on just enjoying being single, and STILL nothing!! Now, I'm not unattractive. I am friendly, funny, independent. I have a good job, my own house, own car. I'm not blowing my own trumpet but I am a blooming good catch! So why do I only catch the ones that really should have been thrown straight back?! And I'm sure the same things could be said for all the single ladies on here. xxx
     

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