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Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by Presleygirl, Jan 13, 2019.
Thank you for being here for me, I’m trying to take one day at a time.
Yesterday was positive and today I rang to tell them they have another fit note and I burst into tears after getting off the phone. All because I recognised a voice. Sounds really silly, tone of voice didn’t even change when knew it was me.
Im really sad that it’s like it is, out of my control. The letter I had to pay postage for was off work. I reacted ok but what I’ve really realised is I am sad. My mum said this morning no wonder they want rid of me if I asked questions. I told her I was asking to understand not to be a pain. I reckon it hurts because here I tried to keep my head down, and not rock the boat.
Sorry just feeling really over whelmed.
I guess need to do something positive so it’s either paint the ceiling in my bathroom or walk.
Sorry just needed a place to talk, journal doesn’t work for me. Gratitude thing kinda does.
Sorry I haven’t any advice to make things better.
I hope everything works out for you.
What you are feeling is entirely normal. When it happened to me I was scared, angry and very emotionally fragile. The smallest thing could make me cry or explode with anger.
I remember one Saturday, after I'd been off for a out a month, I heard the voice of a colleague behind me in a shop. I turned round to say hello but she just blanked me and walked away. I was devastated. Apparently someone in SLT had been dropping hints to staff that I'd been complaining about them, which was totally untrue.
But it's a couple of years now and I've worked in a few great schools since then. Now when I think of my nightmare school it almost feels like a dream. Something so far in the past that it doesn't seem real.
It'll happen for you too. Just take one day at a time, concentrate on your health and nil bast.dardi carborundum, as they say!
One step back but seven steps forward, @Presleygirl. You're doing fine.
It's a shame your Mum said something which didn't go down well. She really wants to be supportive, but unless she's been in education (and at your school) or off with WRS, then she is at a disadvantage here. But she does love you!
How is the bathroom ceiling looking?
Mum has no idea about work at all and not in education. I know she loves me, just she’s quite assertive about lots of things. Me I’m more compliant in some senses.
The bathroom ceiling treated the condensation patches next to paint it.
Been doing some sorting, and trying to figure out things to do.
I am really really restless but ... trying to go with the flow too.
Mothorchid thank you and to secretteacher too.
You're doing well, @Presleygirl. Just think, if you hadn't been off, that ceiling would not have been tackled at all!
Just keep b*ggeringn on, as Churchill used to say. Sometimes that's all you can do. In a few months perhaps you'll be able to look back and think "Oh! If only I'd known that the way out of my dilemma was no distance into the future, I wouldn't have worried so much."
Lets see I’m turning into someone who cooks, cleans and tidying up all the time. Little one loves me taking her to school and home.
Brain wise I’m sick of neighbours in the middle of the day, Xmas 24 has finished and my sleep is poor. Hip is playing up .... sorry I reckon the dull day isn’t helping either.
A friend has been going through something similar to you ... not a teacher. A few weeks ago they were constantly tearful, not sleeping at night, and either hardly able to move or terribly restless during the day. Slowly though, they started to have a few better days and gradually those good days are now more frequent than the bad ones. It takes time!
Be kind to yourself.
Thank you Rosiegirl, let’s see yesterday was an ok day, today two lots of bad news. One lot I’m devastated by, a friend of mine is coming home to die..... and it’s knocked me for six. It put the job thing into perspective but left me feeling blue.
Times like that I either play upbeat music very loudly and think Soddit, life's a beach, innit or I play sad music very loudly and have a good wallow.
@Presleygirl That's really sad. Sorry.
Let’s see I’m still off, stuff still not sorted and no growing concerned that my absence is going to bar me from other jobs, once I get the chance to to go for them.
Feeling as though I’m a rubbish teacher who has no sense of what good teaching and learning is. I reckon I’ve got the blues, sad about my friend and trying to get my head around too.
Here was I thinking September new job in a new school was exciting and welcomed it. Now I can’t wait to walk away from it. I’m hopeing to do supply and rebuild my brand of me and find my tribe.
Just soooo tired of nothing going right. Feel like I could crawl into a cave and just hibernate for sometime . Sorry I’m not meaning to moan but ....... I’m feeling somewhat out of sorts. People around me don’t really get it any of it
It's such a tough time of year, too, which doesn't help you at all. Sorry to hear about your friend too. But perhaps there is something positive - you are off school, so you can spend time with her during this difficult period. You will be glad to look back and feel you did so. If you had been working, drained and weary, you couldn't do so.
And as for your being a rubbish teacher, I vry much doubt it. The most rubbish teachers, in my experience, either believe they are the best teacher in the world, or don't care that they are rubbish. So put that idea behind you.
Can you spend a day with the family tomorrow and enjoy yourselves? Try to forget the big picture for a while, perhaps at the cinema? Or bowling or something?
Update I’m still hanging on in here. Been up all night though so I am shattered.
Let’s see I’m looking better in myself and can see the difference. Found a photo from November and I looked so I’ll. spent time with. My friend, started a cbt course to look at how it’s useful etc to go with my level 3 counselling.
Have sorted out some financial stuff....... in this weather layers, layers and going for walks.
Work wise think jump to supply/ new post be the answer.
I’m trying to live my when life gives you lemons make lemonade....
Hope this helps. I love this band and they always make me smile so.... Good on ya!
Love this video and song.
Let’s see progress is slow .......but it’s progress. Have put feelers out for supply. Considering anything within and out of education.
Spent time with friend, but have to stop the tidying woman as sends me into a tidy mode
Still rumbling along. Decided to start running again I need to it clears the mind. One step closer to resolving things ...... patience the key. Although feeling slightly lost but normal I expect
I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment. Six years post-retirement and suddenly I feel useless. Just all of a sudden. I KNOW I'm not as I do voluntary work for 2 organisations and keep this household going. Power behind the throne kinda thing.
But feelings are feelings. Sometimes you can't determine the trigger. But, whatever happens, you still have to find a way to soldier on. I've nowt to complain about. You're still in the thick of it and doing well.
Exercise is a must, I think. Get out of the house and get some fresh air. Incredibly important. You go!
Today been a strange day feeling out of sorts, I have been checking my work emails I don’t know why but I have. One person emailed ask if I was ok.
It’s been a strange day tidied under the bath and I now know I don’t need to buy shower gel and shampoo for the next 6-12 months, tidied the side board out. Had to have tyre and brake discs nd pads done on the car ouch.
I have been trying to get things done so I can move on but still stuck. Fit note runs out on the 18th. Job close by has turned up on an old site I worked on. Brought back bittersweet memories ........... lost my best friend who I worked with there. Then I found his old work disk in my sideboard. I knew it was there but seeing his handwriting ..... hit by grief I guess