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Got any good jokes?

Discussion in 'Teaching abroad' started by Jeremyinspain, Jun 14, 2011.

  1. Jeremyinspain

    Jeremyinspain Occasional commenter

    I'm teaching 7 year-old Spaniards in an 'immersion' school. Their level of English is rudimentary, but their enthusiasm and 'sense of fun' is sky-high. They're very keen (but hopeless) at jokes. Does anyone have any jokes that they might be able to enjoy?
    I'll give you a couple of examples of jokes 'that have worked' to give you an idea of what I'm looking for.
    Which three letters scare robbers? I,C,U.
    How do you know zebras are very old? They're all in black and white.
    Which animal was disqualified from the animal olympics? The cheetah. (Ok, I'll admit, that last one took a bit of explaining).
    You see what I mean. Pretty simple stuff, plays on words (not too difficult ones), they don't even have to be funny. My class and I would appreciate any offerings. Please remember, they're very young.
    Gracias in advance.
  2. bulegila

    bulegila New commenter

    What's black. white, red. black, white. red rolling down a hill? A sunburnt penguin.

    Have you heard of the magic tractor? It was driving down the road and turned into a field :p
  3. 576

    576 Established commenter

    Why was 6 scared of 7?
    Because 7 ate (8) 9!

    knock knock
    who's there?
    the little boy who can't reach the doorbell.

    What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

    What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
  4. gulfgolf

    gulfgolf Established commenter

    What do you call a man with a rabbit up his bum?
  5. the hippo

    the hippo Lead commenter Community helper

    How do elephants take photographs of things that are a long way away?
    They use an elephoto lens.
  6. Q: What do you need to know to become an auctioneer?

    A: Lots!

    <hr />
    Q: Why do polar-bears not eat penguins?

    A: They can't get the silver paper off!

    <hr />
    Q: What did the zero say to the eight?

    A: Mmmm, nice belt!

    <hr />
    Q: Why must you be nice to mathematics teachers?

    A: Because they have problems!

    <hr />
    Q: Where do you go to weigh a whale?

    A: A whale-weigh (railway) station!

    <hr />
    Q: Where do you go to weigh a pie?

    A: Somewhere over a rainbow!

    (singing) Somewhere over a rainbow, way up high (weigh a pie)

    <hr />
    Q: Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher?

    A: He couldn't control his pupils!

    <hr />
    Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back to you?

    A: A stick!

    <hr />
    Q: How many out of work actors does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to say (dramatically) "That should be me up there!

    <hr />
    Q: What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur?

    A: Dyouthinkhesaurus!
  7. hsavager

    hsavager New commenter

    <font size="3">It&rsquo;s a feature of English language humour that so many of our jokes revolve around puns. Not very accessible for ELL students.</font><font size="3">Stick with the stupid ones&hellip;</font><font size="3">Why does a giraffe have a long neck?</font> <font face="Calibri">Because it&rsquo;s head is so far away from its body.</font>
  8. How far can a dog run into the woods? (Only half way. After that it's running out of the woods.)
    Which came 1st, the chicken or the egg? (Neither, dinosaurs laid eggs.)
    When is 4 half of 5? (Roman Numerals: F[IV]E)
    Name the 2 sides of a circle. (The inside and the outside)
    Why are so many famous artists Dutch? (They were born in Holland.)
    What 5 letter word has 6 left after you take 2 away? (Sixty)
    How do you spell "handy" using only 2 letters? (H and Y)
    What did Paul Revere say at the end of his famous ride? (Whoa!)
    What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries? (A towel)
    In polite society, why should we never mention the number 288? (It's 2 [too] gross.)
    On which side of a cup is it best to have the handle? (The outside)
  9. you mean ones like:

    Q: What did the dog do when it fell into a puddle?

    A: It got wet!

    <hr />
    Q: What's the difference between an elephant and an envelope?

    A: Don't know? Well, I'm not going to send you to post a letter for me!

    <hr />
    Q: What's large and white and would kill you if it fell onto you from up a tree?

    A: A fridge!
  10. Karvol

    Karvol Occasional commenter

    What do you call a deer with no eyes?
    No idea ( no eye deer )
    What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
    Still no idea.
    For Adults:
    What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no d*ck?
    Still no f*cking idea.
    What has four legs and flies?
    Two pairs of trousers.
  11. stopwatch

    stopwatch Lead commenter

    What do you call a man without a spade in his head? Douglas (Dug - less)
    What do you call a man bouncing up and down in the sea? Bob
    What do you call a girl with a pile of sand on her head? June (Pronounced Dune)
    What do you call a man with a tree in his head? Edward ( Head - wood)
    What do you call a man with three trees in his head? Edward Woodward (an actor from the sixties)
    What do you call a girl balancing a pint of Guiness on her head? Beatrix
    What do you call a girl balancing a pint of Guiness on her head whilst playing snooker? Beatrix Potter.
    What do you call a man with a number plate on his head? Reg
    What does he call his brother? R- Reg (our Reg)
    What do you call a blind dinosaurs pet dog? Douyouthinkysaurus Rex
    I need a lie down now............[​IMG]
  12. stopwatch

    stopwatch Lead commenter

    If a blue house is made of blue bricks, a red house with red bricks, a yellow house with yellow bricks, an orange house with orange bricks, what is a green house made with?
    ... glass
  13. ian60

    ian60 New commenter

    What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk

    What do you cal a fly with no wings or legs? A sit

    And of course...
    My dog has no nose:
    How does it smell:
    (boom boom!)
  14. A Bruce (an Ozzie - Australian) is walking down the street with a sheep under each arm.
    Another Bruce syas "Eh, Bruce, are you shearing (sharing)?"
    The first Bruce says "No, mate, I'm going to **** both of them!"
    The kids will love it.
  15. What do you call a man with four trees in his head?
    - I don't know, but Edward Woodward would.
  16. what is brown and sticky?
    a stick.
  17. the hippo

    the hippo Lead commenter Community helper

    Got any good jokes? Well, I think that teachers' pensions are rapidly becoming a bad joke.
  18. juakali

    juakali New commenter

    What is brown and sounds like a bell?
    What do you call a man with a one incher?
  19. groovybob

    groovybob New commenter

    why do elephants paint their testicles red? so they can hide in cherry trees!..............What&rsquo;s the loudest sound in the jungle?Giraffes eating cherries!

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