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Going it alone - the positives

Discussion in 'Personal' started by dogcat, Jul 10, 2011.

  1. dogcat

    dogcat New commenter

    I am getting ready to live on my own for the first time ever, and be single for the first time in about 8 years.

    For all those people out there who are independent please give me some good things about being on your own, I am starting to see it as a good thing but could do with some encouragement! Especially as I have no friends or family nearby.
  2. I'm not currently living alone... have been with my partner for about seven years, but before that I was single for a year, after leaving a verbally abusive seven year marriage. I remember the sheer joy of moving into my own little rented unit, being able to put things exactly where I wanted, watch what I wanted, or, more often than not, turn the TV off and enjoy the sheer peace and quiet, and not having to have sex with someone you don't actually like any more (sorry!) It's scary at first, especially if you don't have any friends nearby, but you will meet other people. The new friends that I met told me later that I looked like a frightened rabbit when they met me, and six months later, commented on how much happier, confident and less stressed I looked. Even now, although I love my partner, and we get on really well on the whole, I still sometimes yearn for my own little place! Enjoy your independence. Good luck xx
  3. You get the best seat in the house. The biggest pork chop (nut cutlet) You cook if YOU feel like it, same with cleaning. You only clear up your mess. Go out when you want, come in when you want.The whole bed to sprawl out in. Listen to or watch what you want. Slob around in jammies at the weekend.
  4. That's the thing I value - my independence, together with contentment and peace of mind.
  5. gergil4

    gergil4 New commenter

    Sounds like bliss.
    You can eat what YOU want, not having to have what others will eat. I LONG for baked potatoes and quiche!!!
  6. Victoria Plum

    Victoria Plum New commenter

    Having nobody to please but myself! This morning I am slobbing round in PJs, watching the Emmerdale omnibus and it's so peaceful and quiet!! I have good friends who are there when I need them - granted most of them are in relationships/have children but still they find time just for me! I have met a great new circle of friends through Meet Up (google it and check it out!) and through TES so I often have something to do. Because I keep busy I relish the time I spend on my own and when I DO get lonely I can go out and find company - I'm lucky in that my family live very close. I bought my own house a few years ago and at times I just burst with pride that it's all mine! But the most important thing, that eddyb has already said, is the peace of mind. My last boyfriend made me so unhappy - I didn't realise just how much until he was no longer in my life. Now I am happy and content. I very much enjoy doing my own thing and having my independence. And I was able to paint my bedroom wall deep purple and STILL have my Christmas starlights hanging in the window in July and nobody grumbles at me about it!! LOL
  7. Knowing that any mess or dirt is yours only - when you get home in the evening, there will be no nasty surprises!

    Being able to sleep in the middle of the bed.

    Doing whatever you want, whenever you want. (Victoria Plum - I had an advent calendar up for two years, since it was so lovely!).

    As others have said, it can get lonely at times. I try to get out of the house every day and talk to someone (not always automatic at weekends and holidays), and I speak to long-distance friends and family quite often on the phone.

    Good luck.
  8. The best things about living alone:-
    • No compromise
    • No tip-toeing around other people's bad moods
    • Freedom to be "you"
    • Any mess is YOUR mess
    • Your food/belongings/toiletries are used only by you
    • No atmospheres
    • You can bring any friends home and not have to worry if this will have an impact on anyone else
    • Eat what you want, if and when you want
    • Knowledge that your future is in your hands only
    • Go to bed when you want without worry of disturbing the other person
    Obviously there are drawbacks but I would argue living alone need not be lonely (as this is the one thing people embarking on living alone worry most about) instead it is empowering. As VP said there are things you can do to meet people locally (there are other groups such as Spice which is a social organisation) so you develop a social circle to help prevent the loneliness.

    I wish you well DC - I think you will be fine! [​IMG]

  9. mickymilan

    mickymilan New commenter

    Just focus on the positives as mentioned above, I wish I had the balls to 'get out' of my relationship [​IMG]
  10. Victoria Plum

    Victoria Plum New commenter

    Absolutely!! The Meet Up group I joined is a women only group. We go for pizza and a movie once a month, there is a book club once a month. We go walking, out for meals, the theatre, day trips, plus other random things that you might not think of doing usually! They are a brilliant bunch of women, many of whom are single like me, which is brilliant as you can end up feeling very lonely when everyone else you know is in a couple. *waves to JRTowner* xxx
  11. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    Have you ever noticed how women often enjoy single life...but many men dont.....although there are more woman than men on this forum.
    The hardest thing for men is to join groups.if indeed there are such groups....men are somehow expected to 'survive'.and although we are expected to go chasing and wooing(whch many younger ones do) as you get older its harder.
    Many become isolated as their mates move on..and you see many lonely men drinking in the pub and then wandering home to empty houses.
    However, enjoy your singlemess.......just remember at times its not all joy and independence but for all the other things the ladies on her have said im sure its fun>
  12. dogcat

    dogcat New commenter

    Thanks for all the replies so far. I have joined a meetup group, but have not been in ages. Not felt up to it, have cancelled on the past few things but determined to make more of an effort after my holiday.
    Hoping to be able to move out over summer holidays, but have a holiday with him first ( no one to take his ticket and he is adament he is coming) and also a 3 night break at end of August.
    Trying to get as many viewings lined up as possible.
    Have come away last minute this weekend to a spa hotel to get some space and I feel loads better for it. It has cost me a pretty penny, but the head space it has given me is worth it. So nice to have some peace. At home we live with his inlaws, who are fantastic, but they have 2 loud dogs and his very loud sister back from last year of uni.
    So nice to be sat here in peace preparing to mooch around the local town and castle. Sadly have to return to the real world later, but hopefully in a couple of months my new life will begin [​IMG]
  13. Victoria Plum

    Victoria Plum New commenter

    It will!! And it will be wonderful!! Definitely try and get back into the Meet Up group. I had a strange couple of months when I actually just wanted to hide in the house. My first event scared the hell out of me but I had such a lovely time I kept going. I now view all the girls as really good friends and have even hosted a couple of events. It's given me a whole new lease of life! My sister jokes that I am never in!! Of course I am! Occasionally!! LOL xxx
  14. Ah, living alone. It's ace! Although I did discover that I am much messier than I thought [​IMG]

    As to the holiday - I was in this situation a few years ago, we made our separate ways to the airport, checked in and travelled separately, and he was v miffed when I made some holiday friends to go out for dinner and day trips with...We did speak and I made a real effort to keep things civil and light hearted, but it was stressful. I'd see how it goes and possibly dump the August one if this one is not fun...

    All will be well - in a few months you'll be on here saying how happy you are!
  15. Just think about all the things that made your previous living arrangements ****. Now you don't have to put up with them anymore.
  16. Do you think this is why some men 'move on' quickly at the end of a relationship, and in some cases even have a bit of an overlap?
  17. Milkandchalk

    Milkandchalk New commenter

    You can leave the dishes by the sink for as long as you like without the compulsion to clean just after finishing eating.
    You get to watch what you want to watch on TV
    You can buy what you like for the house.
    You can stay in bed as long as you like.
    You eat what you like, when you like.
    The space is yours. Decorate it how you like.
  18. I have all of this anyway
  19. Milkandchalk

    Milkandchalk New commenter

    Yes, but I'm trying to point out to Dogcat that living alone, she can please herself what she does when she likes.
  20. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    Yes it possibly is why some do....but many dont although they like to think they can found new found freedon to discover new pastures,Sadly for many they dont,and dont always take the hint to go away!,,but men often end up in bed or back with their mothe. Well the ones around her do ,especailly if they were only renting together.
    I was actually pointing out though that men dont always socilaise and remix like woman tend to do.and so they realise what idiots they have been, but they wont admit it..so consquently ,even as i was cnditioned toby society, we put on a brave faces and are seen to be 'coping' or getting on........But i have seen too many who dont, or who are ful of regret.

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