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Give it all up?

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by TabbyCatResources, Jan 31, 2011.

  1. TabbyCatResources

    TabbyCatResources New commenter

    So, I'm having somewhat of a dilemma. Just before Christmas my mother passed away (completely unexpectedly) and the school were very supportive. However, since then I'm finding it hard to give my all to work and I feel tied down. I am thinking I want to use my inheritance (I'm only 26) to go travelling and quit my job. I love where I work but I feel if I need this break from everything that has happened. I did consider asking the school if they would keep my job open for a year but we have a new head since Jan and, as yet, he doesn't even know I exist. My dilemma is do I just quit even if my job isn't kept open? And how do I keep myself motivated for the rest of the year, when at the moment it feels like my life has fallen apart? Any opinions appreciated!
     
  2. TabbyCatResources

    TabbyCatResources New commenter

    So, I'm having somewhat of a dilemma. Just before Christmas my mother passed away (completely unexpectedly) and the school were very supportive. However, since then I'm finding it hard to give my all to work and I feel tied down. I am thinking I want to use my inheritance (I'm only 26) to go travelling and quit my job. I love where I work but I feel if I need this break from everything that has happened. I did consider asking the school if they would keep my job open for a year but we have a new head since Jan and, as yet, he doesn't even know I exist. My dilemma is do I just quit even if my job isn't kept open? And how do I keep myself motivated for the rest of the year, when at the moment it feels like my life has fallen apart? Any opinions appreciated!
     
  3. Hi Bagpuss09,
    Firstly, I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my Dad when I was 20 and as you describe, it turned my life upside down.
    My gut response is to say wait a while before making any huge decisions. You are still in shock and now is not the time to make choices which could have a massive impact on the rest of your life. Take time to talk about your feelings and then if you still feel this desire to go travelling then plan properly and do it with a positive heart and soul.
    Keep your school informed as to your plans and by all means ask for a leave of absence to take a year off. Just remember that the school may not be able to arrange this, which doesn't mean you can't do it, it just means looking for a new job after you come back (if you come back?)
    Motivation is a tough one, but I think for most people work is a good thing. Without a reason to get up every morning, it can be too easy to stay in bed and become even more demotivated. I had to remind myself every day for months (years?) that my Dad wouldn't want me to give up on my dreams, ambitions etc.
    Almost 20 years later I still have bad days, times when I miss him so desperately. But I have far fewer now, and I can talk about him fondly and tell my own kids about him. He is not entirely gone and never will be.
    Be kind to yourself, don't rush your recovery.
     
  4. The time immediately after the death of a very close relative is not a good time to make life-changing decisions. Each major event, including major decisions, puts you under stress. The classic stresspoints are bereavement, marriage / partnership; divorce; moving house, starting a new job, leaving an old job, becoming a parent.
    Avoiding piling on the stress helps you to well in the long game of life. Sometimes you can't choose the event that causes stress, like your mum dying. Other times you can choose whether or not to enter a stressful course of events.
    These events can also do weird things to your head. A typical example might be to have cosmetic surgery, or buy a huge cc motorbike, after a divorce. The 'treat' doesn't always quell the sorrow.
    You might benefit by not taking any decisions just now, but just letting autopilot take over as much as possible. At least you have routines at work that you are familiar with and you don't have to plan anew from scratch every day. Use the time to explore your inner space so that when you decide what you want to do, you aren't still feeling raw pain from your loss.
    If you have someone close you can talk things through with that will help you enormously. But if not, you could use your GP practice to seek out some bereavement counselling, and in the short term use your schools goodwill to attend sessions in work time if necessary.
     

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