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Girl advice....

Discussion in 'Personal' started by hardbastard, Jun 20, 2011.


  1. A bit weird one, this - Little story for you all. Advice would be good! Without sounding like a tool, I’m not perhaps the usual 32-year old male who you might find spending 15 mins writing on an internet forum about ‘dating advice,’ but I suppose that shows how keen I am on this particular, non-teachery girl (I’m a teacher!)… If I’m honest, I’ve had a ton of relationships and, alas, it’s often me who’s ended them very early and I’m far from ‘inexperienced’ when it comes to the fairer gender but, even so, this one confuses… …For the past three weeks, I’ve been talking to a girl who I met on an internet dating site. Oh yes. She’s a very nice girl too and we got on amazingly (perfectly, even – Weird, I know!). Perhaps the first-ever time where there's been so much compatability. We finally met Saturday and went out all day and it was very, very nice. So ‘nice,’ in fact, that I ended up going back to hers… (well she did ask!). I woke up Sun morning and got a train home later that afternoon after going out a bit for a walk with her etc. As the previous day and night had been quite ‘busy,’ I told her she should call me later that evening after she’d slept etc and so we didn't speak that afternoon.
    She did call around 8pm last night. We spoke for quite some time and a little bit more later! (wow).
    Here’s my problem:- (and please, please don’t think I’m being an insecure nutter coz I’m not, honest). I just don’t think she’s 100% keen. Ever had that feeling? Why do I think this? Well, she was a little shorter with me last night. I also called her this morning to which she has texted back sometime later: “Sorry, I was driving, will speak to you tonight” which, pre-date, she just wouldn’t have done! Also, a plan for her to come to a friend’s party in a few weeks time (discussed before we met) was met, I felt, with a little-less enthusiasm yesterday morning just before we parted. Getting there might be difficult – traffic etc. On the other hand, she did tell me she was free again this coming weekend and she spent part of that morning on the phone to her parents telling them about me and the date etc (God!). Obviously, they had no idea I was still there with her…!I’m not looking for people to say “She’s keen!” or “She’s NOT keen!” (impossible to tell and you’re only getting my side of things anyway!) but I’ve always felt that when gut-instincts tell you something, you’re usually right. And my instincts are telling me this ain’t gonna go nowhere. So here’s the question. Should I send her a text or whatever saying “Look, I think you’re lovely but would you prefer it if we just left the weekend as a one-off?” (or something along those lines) or would you just ‘leave it and wait and see’? I don’t want to sound like a kn-b, but I just don’t want to be seeing a girl on and off for the next 3 or 4 months or whatever to then be told that she “just isn’t so keen” etc. I’m sure we’ve all been there and I know I’ve done that very thing to girls in the past (just one earlier this year, in fact). On the other hand, I don’t want her to think I clearly feel very negative towards the whole thing and am already up for 'closing the door,' when, in fact, that isn't what I want. Whatta yah reckon, people?
     

  2. A bit weird one, this - Little story for you all. Advice would be good! Without sounding like a tool, I’m not perhaps the usual 32-year old male who you might find spending 15 mins writing on an internet forum about ‘dating advice,’ but I suppose that shows how keen I am on this particular, non-teachery girl (I’m a teacher!)… If I’m honest, I’ve had a ton of relationships and, alas, it’s often me who’s ended them very early and I’m far from ‘inexperienced’ when it comes to the fairer gender but, even so, this one confuses… …For the past three weeks, I’ve been talking to a girl who I met on an internet dating site. Oh yes. She’s a very nice girl too and we got on amazingly (perfectly, even – Weird, I know!). Perhaps the first-ever time where there's been so much compatability. We finally met Saturday and went out all day and it was very, very nice. So ‘nice,’ in fact, that I ended up going back to hers… (well she did ask!). I woke up Sun morning and got a train home later that afternoon after going out a bit for a walk with her etc. As the previous day and night had been quite ‘busy,’ I told her she should call me later that evening after she’d slept etc and so we didn't speak that afternoon.
    She did call around 8pm last night. We spoke for quite some time and a little bit more later! (wow).
    Here’s my problem:- (and please, please don’t think I’m being an insecure nutter coz I’m not, honest). I just don’t think she’s 100% keen. Ever had that feeling? Why do I think this? Well, she was a little shorter with me last night. I also called her this morning to which she has texted back sometime later: “Sorry, I was driving, will speak to you tonight” which, pre-date, she just wouldn’t have done! Also, a plan for her to come to a friend’s party in a few weeks time (discussed before we met) was met, I felt, with a little-less enthusiasm yesterday morning just before we parted. Getting there might be difficult – traffic etc. On the other hand, she did tell me she was free again this coming weekend and she spent part of that morning on the phone to her parents telling them about me and the date etc (God!). Obviously, they had no idea I was still there with her…!I’m not looking for people to say “She’s keen!” or “She’s NOT keen!” (impossible to tell and you’re only getting my side of things anyway!) but I’ve always felt that when gut-instincts tell you something, you’re usually right. And my instincts are telling me this ain’t gonna go nowhere. So here’s the question. Should I send her a text or whatever saying “Look, I think you’re lovely but would you prefer it if we just left the weekend as a one-off?” (or something along those lines) or would you just ‘leave it and wait and see’? I don’t want to sound like a kn-b, but I just don’t want to be seeing a girl on and off for the next 3 or 4 months or whatever to then be told that she “just isn’t so keen” etc. I’m sure we’ve all been there and I know I’ve done that very thing to girls in the past (just one earlier this year, in fact). On the other hand, I don’t want her to think I clearly feel very negative towards the whole thing and am already up for 'closing the door,' when, in fact, that isn't what I want. Whatta yah reckon, people?
     
  3. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    Is this a version of "I had sex nah nah na-na nah naa!"
    with the inspirational rider "and I like her"?
     
  4. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    I may be being prejudiced by your username but taking pride in being a frequent dumper is not to your credit. I wonder how many people you have hurt. If you are growing out of it, good.

     
  5. I never, ever said I was a frequent dumper. I didn't even imply that. That isn't even what my post is about. Grrrr...
     
  6. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

     
  7. That's not dumping someone?! What I meant was, I've seen them a few times, decided it wasn't going to work (for various reasons) and ended it. I see 'dumping' as when you're boyfriend-girlfriend (or more) and the person puts a sudden end to the whole thing. I've had only several things which I would call 'long term.' In one case, I ended it. In the other, they did.
     
  8. inky

    inky Lead commenter

    Exc use me? You told her?
     
  9. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    I think we are dealing wth an alpha male here inky.
     
  10. Why not just give her a chance and be patient? It all seems to have been very rushed, you've been 'talking' to her for a mere three weeks, you finally met her for the first time, spent the day with her, slept with her stayed the night with her now you're unsure of whether she's 100% keen.
    Take it easy, give yourself and her some time to digest your evening, night and morning walk together. Why so fast?
     
  11. Good post Gig. You're right. Will see how it goes.... Thank you very much.[​IMG]
     
  12. inky

    inky Lead commenter

    Why don;'t you phone her?
     
  13. Agreed. I think she is keen. She said she was free next weekend. Just see how it goes and enjoy it :)
     
  14. Mangleworzle

    Mangleworzle Star commenter

    You've been used as you appear to have used others, you're not in charge and don't like it, your ego has been bruised, maybe you'll learn from it.
     
  15. I agree with giggirl. It's early days and you don't actually know she's not keen anymore. She may feel a little bit worried about having invited you home and what you might think of her. Or she might have been hurt by others and be worried that you are going to go off her.
    I think you should plan on seeing her again and get to know her better. Don't give up so easily. The fact she has told her parents about you suggests she is fairly keen. It may work out, it may not, but in the meantime just go with the flow and enjoy it!
     
  16. Yep, agree with all of this, let's let it flow. I'm in no major rush, after all. Thanks people. Except this one:-
    "You've been used as you appear to have used others, you're not in charge and don't like it, your ego has been bruised, maybe you'll learn from it."
    Do people just come on these things and use them as a tool to say things that dare wouldn't say to someone's face in real life? The fact that the poster has made statements that have absolutley no foundation whatsoever (when the hell have I 'used' anyone and even if I had, how the hell would he/she know about itit?) just leads me to conclude that some must have too much time in their hands. How have I been 'used' and for what, exactly?! My 'ego' has not been bruised - I would simply like to know where things might stand with a gen nice girl as reading people, experienced or not, can often be a very difficult thing.
     
  17. Mangleworzle

    Mangleworzle Star commenter

    I have said similar things to other male friends in the past and would say it to you too. I have interpreted your somewhat boastful OP and that is how I see it. Still I guess you want fluffy answers only.
     
  18. I think it makes quite a nice change for a man to come on here asking for this type of advice. I'm sure there are loads of young women on here (from reading their threads about not being able to get a man to stay keen, or to call them) who will think you sound like good boyfriend material.
    I don't know though. Maybe she's just gone off you since the sex? Sometimes it happens. If I were you, I'd phone, tell her you really like her, but if she doesn't feel the same then there's no point in you making an emotional investment. If she's not that keen, then she'll probably welcome the 'out'.

    Good luck.
     
  19. Hi hb. Have you thought about refining your dress sense ? ;¬))
     

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