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Getting ready to ttc?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy' started by saripop, May 16, 2009.

  1. Thanks saripop, it's really nice to know someones in the same situation as me and you're right there are plenty of others to step into our shoes!
    Finish my last pill tomorrow and then going to start trying to work out my cycle, been on the pill for 12 years so thinking it might be all over the place! Also going to start taking folic acid. Seems weird all my friends have got children that were conceived by accident in a passionate heat of the moment type thing and I'm being what seems really clinical about the whole thing. Hoping that I don't turn into a crazed lune when we actually begin to ttc!

  2. Lambchopsy, I know exactly what you mean. For the last couple of years I have been really torn between knowing that we should really wait until the 'best' time and really wanting to just let fate take its course and have a baby conceived of passion and longing. However, now my 'best' time is almost here (got 4 and a half months left to wait until we TTC) I'm glad that we've waited.
    I came off the pill at christmas to let my cycle settle down after 12 years on the pill and it went immediately back to 28 days, regular as clockwork - so don't worry, hopefully you'll be the same.
    So excited now - although, 4 months does feel like 4 years. But, I know it's not and it feels like a short enough time to really make the most of all the spontaneous 'us' things we do now. I'm also making the most of being able to buy treats for myself as know that it will stop if/when I have a baby. That said, I'd still do it tomorrow if my h2b gave the go ahead!

  3. Really exciting there seems to be quite a few of us who'll be ttc at a similar time!
    Misstutu gives me a bit of hope after you saying your cycle went straight back to 28 days, hopefully I'll be the same.
    Think I've gone a bit crazy on 'things that should be done before ttc'[​IMG] Just started stripping the wall paper on the stairs and landing, planning to have it done by the end of the week and then onto the bedrooms! Written a big to-do list of things that need doing around the house - there's LOTS!! Now feel we need to write a 'things we must do together over the next year' list before baby arrives (all being well of course). Sounds weird though thinking that this time next year I could nearly be a mum!
  4. similar situation to many posts I've read here. Been off the pill since last November (10months now) not ttc, been married 2 years. Have taken folic acid tablets since Feb, just because cycles not regular so had to do a few pregnancy tests since stopping pill and didn't see any harm in taking the tablets in case. Got a promotion at work in September and will be going through threshold at end of this school year. If I were to ttc and did get pregnant. Can I apply for threshold before the end of year if I do end up taking maternity leave. Lots of questions, love my job and quite career focused but keen to start a family before too long. This is my first time posting on here so its nice to read from others with similar worries. Thanks
  5. Hi,
    I could be wrong, but the way I understand it is that you still go through all the pay points / threshold even when on maternity leave, as you're still effectively employed in the same capacity.
    We've decided that now is as good as any time so have decided to TTC this month! I was trying to work out when would be the best time at school, when I'd be able to have longest off on mat leave etc....when I just decided that a family is what we most want and is so precious that everything else will just have to fit round that. So, we're throwing caution to the wind and mother nature can just decide when a baby is going to come along for us... Since we made the decision, I also can't believe how excited hubby is about the idea - he even let slip last night that he's been looking at car seats already!
  6. Thanks Misstutu and good luck ttc. From reading other posts in different forums there are a lot of people ttc and still waiting a long time for 'mother nature.' Thats why I stopped the pill nearly a year ago- wanted to get my body back to myself if that makes sense before we try. We're not ttc but agree with you if a family if what you want everything else will have to work round it, my husband is happy to just let nature take its course, if we did get pregnant we'd be equally happy as if we had a few more months just the two of us.
    With regards threshold I would just quite like to get through the process as soon as possible so if I do take maternity I have that behind me to hopefully come back to the upper scale. Lots to think about!
  7. Hi everyone, I have just sat and read all of this thread and now in tears!!! I have been with my boyf for three years and we talk alot about getting married and having children but as yet there is no ring on my finger!
    For various reasons we both agree that we want to be married before having children so this agonising wait to be officially TTC is now determined by when we get married and that doesn't look like anytime soon! I say that beacause boyf's brother has just proposed to girlf and they are due to marry in Aug 2010. The other day my OH said "well we can't get married the same year as them" so that would mean July/Aug 2011!!!! That is far too long away!! I totally understand what epople were saying earlier about the physical ache of wanting a baby - it drives me insane.
    I had to come off the pill in October last year for medical reasons and my cycles have been fairly regular ranging from 28-30 days every month, so I am hopeful everything is ok in that department!
    It's nice to be able to actually write this down as I have gone over and over stuff in my head about this!!
  8. Hi Maccemgirl
    Oh, what a painful position to be in. I knew that I wanted to be married before having children but fortunately I didn't feel that broody before getting married.
    Can't get married in the same year as a sibling?? - sounds like a self-limiting belief to me. I suppose there maybe a financial concern there if your boyfriend's parents might be contributing to both weddings but that needs to be talked through.
    Is there a possibility that you could get married at another time of year? I got married during the middle weekend of the whit holidays but realise that not everyone has two weeks then. We had a short honeymoon in the week after the wedding and then had a bigger trip in the summer which was the official honeymoon - maybe I'm just greedy!!!
    Is age a factor for you?
    My husband proposed just after our three year anniversary. I remember hearing that three years is a crucial time in terms of making a commitment but obviously everyone is different. I had it in the back of my mind that if my husband hadn't been ready to make a commitment then I might have moved on. I'm not saying that's your case but I remembered it when I read that you had been together three years. Around the same time a friend of ours split up with her boyfriend of three years because he didn't feel ready to marry her. She started dating someone who she was friends with and then they got married after a year. Again, not saying this is what you should do. It sounds like your boyf is up for the idea of marriage, it's just a question of when. I hope he pops the question soon!!! Would you ever ask him?

  9. becky70

    becky70 Occasional commenter

    Peacerose and Misstutu, if you've both got jobs there should be no worries about trying for babies now - when you get pregnant, you can go on maternity leave and you've got jobs to go back to. Worst case scenario is you have to do your threshold application with a young baby in tow but you'll get it done and it'll be fine!
    Good luck!
  10. Hi Pippateach

    To be honest I wouldn't want to get married at the same time as OH brother, because of the financial angle (in terms of parents) and prob the stress for everyone involved in both weddings. There is another element which might sound strange but they earn far more money than we do and are having some huge elaborate affair and I wouldnt want my wedding next to that! It would put us to shame!
    I had thought about an easter wedding, but to be honest just want to be asked first!! I'm not sure of where this feeling comes from but I just couldn't ask him! Not sure whether thats the traditionalist in me!!!
    As a young girl and teenager I had always thought about being married in mid twenties and then having children before I was thirty. I turn 29 in Feb and this is not boding well!! Plus I read in the Observer this weekend that trying for children after the age of thirty is seriously reducing the odds, tried to shove it under OH nose and he replied "why are you showing me that!".
    I love my OH to bits but I have to admit there is a feeling in the back of my mind that says if he not ready for commitment i'm off. It took my mum 2/3 years of ttc before she had me and I am worried I will take just as long! That could put me at 35! And I would like more than one, so time is not really on my side!
    It's funny thinking like that as a 28 year old you think you have ages to worry about stuff like this but biology tells us different!

  11. becky70

    becky70 Occasional commenter

    Maccemgirl, you need to establish if your OH is committed before you do anything else. Does he want to marry you and have children with you? Only he can tell you that.
    You may have wanted to be married with children by the age of 30 but life is what happens while you're making other plans. Don't take too much notice of what you read in the papers - they like to scare women. I'm fairly sure that the big drop in fertility starts at 35 - I'd definitely look to have your family before then.
    That gives you more than 6 years to play with. If OH is committed then get married asap and start trying, if not, get rid and get looking for someone else.
    I write as someone who suffers from infertility - my life will be nothing like the one I'd planned. Go for what really matters to you. Good luck!
  12. Maccemgirl, I really feel for you. Have you asked him a straight question to find out his views about this?
    I don't quite agree that if he isn't ready now, get rid, but I think that you do need to know where you stand and he needs to give you a realistic time scale. Also, you need to think about what is the most important thing to you. I say this because before I brought up the subject of having children with my husband (then boyfriend) I really didn't think that he'd ever want them - a strong impression that I got. And, I have to say that I'd decided that if he didn't want them, he'd still be the love of my life and I was prepared to come to terms with not having them (even though it would have broken my heart). I couldn't believe it when he said that he didn't want them yet but may do a 'few years'! That was 2 years ago and he is now really excited about starting trying this month! I suppose what I'm saying is that life doesn't always pan out how you imagine and that if he's 'the one' and does want marriage and children in time, then it's worth waiting for.
    Men are also just a bit more laid back than us generally, I think. 1 of my best friends is having your exact same problem at the minute. She is 29 and wants marriage and a family and her boyfriend (who is a lovely guy, adores her and I know wants the same thing) just sees no hurry. I feel like shaking him, as I do think he risks losing her if he won't propose soon!
    Sending you kind thoughts
  13. Sorry if that reply sounded a bit patronising - it wasn't what I intended. I just know how 'all-consuming' it is to have maternal aches that you can't do anyhting about (how I've sobbed at frequent times throughout those 2 years!!!) and just hoped to help in some way.
  14. Thanks for your responses - makes me realise I am not going nuts! I have spoken with OH in very general terms and he does say he wants children, but I think he just doesn't realise the whole biological side of things. I have decided and I am going to sit him down tonight and see what I get out of him.

    All my best friends tell me that a proposal is on it's way, so I suppose I should be grateful and patient! But then (like today) when I spend time with my 7 month nephew the ache's begin again.
    I spoke to my mum as well today and she was asking whether I thought about having children anytime soon, I sort of brushed it off but so wanted to tell her that I am getting really broody, but though it best not to!
    My OH is very laid back and does totally love me, I think finances are a worry. He had a very priviledged upbringing and I think he wants to be able to provide the same for his children. Don't get me wrong we both work and have good salaries, but not quite the scale of money his family has. Personally I don't really care about all that stuff but I know it would be very important for him.
    He's due home at seven so will start the conversation at 7.01pm!

    ps. no offence taken at all x
  15. Hi ladies,

    Am back from a nice long holiday where I didn't think about ttcing or babies at all (or not THAT much anyway). A week later we went to OH's sister's wedding... she already has a 1 year old, but just being at the wedding and seeing her family all together started that ache again...
    Will be getting married in December myself so I suppose now is the time to really start getting ready! Will go back to taking all my supplements and taking my temps. I suspect that I might have a very short luteal phase (around 8 days) and so will be taking agnus castus and vit b6 as well as my wellwoman ones. I gather some of the original people from this thread are now officially ttcing so good luck and baby dust for them, and welcome to anyone else who feels like joining in!!

  16. Just read through this thread. I finished my last pill pack last week as I am fed up of the effect it has on me - mainly libido wise (!) but also am really struggling to shift weight despite doing 3-5 hours of exercise a week and eating relatively healthily. OH and I have been together a year, moved in together after 6 months, and we had discussed possibly ttc at some point relatively soon.

    What's really amused me about this thread is that we're the complete opposite - he's desssssperate to start trying whereas I'm the sensible one going "we rent and would need to move to a place that allows kids; we are always skint; you have too much debt to pay off; neither of us drive or have a car; some of my family would be fuming if I got pregnant before getting married; I'm only 5 months into a new job (non-teaching); I don't know anyone where we live to support me etc etc etc". Had a conversation this afternoon where I asked him to wait until January and I'll reconsider trying then and he was really upset! [​IMG] We're 25 and 27 (just) so there is plenty of time but I think he partly worries that his parents do not have a family history of longevity! He's also a giant child himself, so I think that's where it also comes from ;)

    Hohum - I may be back in here on and off as I'm changing my mind from one day to the next. I'm sure once my natural hormones kick back in it might make my mind up one way or the other!!
  17. Hey Sari,
    I'm still here (frustratingly!). Altho I think we might be getting somewhere, now he is sort of prepared to talk about it. He said tonight we'll talk in a few weeks, whatever that means!!! Its so frustrating, feel like I'm in limbo till we do, no idea if I am on the right track thinking Dec or not. I dont know how I am going to last the next few weeks, also do I bring it up or wait for him? Ahhh its all so confusing!! Really getting me down to be honest. He keeps saying to me, I just want to make you happy. Surely he must realise how much this upsets me.
    Ach well, just gotta get on with it, nowt else for it I suppose ........
    How was your hol?
  18. hey ladies, hope those of you who are still waiting are managing! Just to say that everyone considering ttc should take folic acid...
    It ideally should be in your system before you start ttc and it is the very first few weeks of gestation where it is essential - if you find out and start later it's better than nothing but still high risk. (I've been a 'wanting to ttc' a 'ttc' and a 'pg lady' over the last 2 years and on these TES threads) there have been so many people talking about TTC then finding that they and their OHs, having discussed it and decided on a date to start actually end up being less careful and going for 'happy accident'. This means that they start taking folic acid quite late.
    News this week was that spina bifida rates in Scotland have doubled in recent years (data not available for England yet), and saying that they reckon all women of childbearing age should take it anyway, for all the accidents and 'happy accidents' etc. By the time women find out that they are pg after a few weeks the foetus could already have spinal fusion issues.
    Also in preparation check your MMR immunisation / rubella immunity. The vaccination can be done again if you aren't up to date and then there is a wait before you should TTC.
    If anyone on cholesterol meds, or following diet with plant sterols, also ask advice - dangerous to conceive whilst on statins.
  19. Oh Bunique you sound like me. We are ttc but hubby wanted to start years before I deemed myself ready. I wanted to be in a permanent job, married, out of debt and in a house. We have 2 of those things checked off but my instinct or whatever it is has kicked in and I don't just want a baby, I need one!
    Ha ha ha that'll never change, think hubby just wants someone to play with!
    I cme off the pill in April but started to take folic acid a month or so before that. I figured that it wouldn't hurt, so glad I did now.
  20. I think it's so hard, I've been through this exact thing and know just how you feel. I think at the same time as you REALLY want to get some idea of where you stand, it's also important that he is actually ready to take this step... If you're like me, you would never want to force him into doing something before he's ready. I desparately want my H2b to turn to me and say: I want to have a baby. He talks about wanting to have children, but as a sort of abstract concept! Anyway, my advice, for what it's worth, is to concentrate on being as ready as you can, take the folic acid, exercise, eat heathily whatever you need to do. GIve him time to feel ready to talk about it...Monitor your cycle or whatever so that you feel like you are doing something constructive towards ttc.

    My holiday was lovely, thank you. But being back has brought back a whole load of issues that H2b and I were having at the end of last term... I think we're dealing with them now, but I'm quite glad that we're not ttcing or pg as I really want to be happy and settled when we do start.
    Thanks to beach hut for all that advice about folic acid etc. I have been taking it but thought maybe I was being silly! GLad to see I've been doing some good!

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