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Don't forget to look at the how to guide.
Discussion in 'English' started by debbieryan, Feb 10, 2010.
Or what about those superstitious Eastern European pheasants hiding from Dracula?
Oh yes, there are a few that come to mind.
My favorite was a 9th grader writing about Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird:
He shot the dog, which was strongly affected by rabbis.
Years ago I taught Sunday school. At Easter, the children (aged eight and nine) were drawing pictures of the Easter scene - the green hill with its three crosses. One child had some extra space on his paper so he drew a car park for the disciples.
Recently, I was studying 'To His Coy Mistress' with my 'A' Level Literature group and I asked them if they knew what the term 'carpe diem' meant.They looked thoughtful then one girl said, "Does it mean fish of the day?"
I once marked a piece of original writing about a court case where the accused got off on "circumcision evidence"
My favourite when marking GCSE English was a lad describing his future.
Then one day I'll find the right women and settle down.
The funniest ever was many years ago when a little boy described his visit to Goose Fair and explained how he had won the jackpot after putting his penis in the slot machine
I'm not married, but live with my fiancé. We have an 11 month old son. My pupils (secondary!) often ask me, "how can you have a baby if you're not married?"
I usually look at them over the top of imaginary glasses and say "are you really asking me that?".
Bless their innocence though.
A few years ago a colleague burst into my classroom, having left his own classroom crying with laughter. Here's the scenario:
Colleague - hands out enthusiastically marked maths books.
Tom: big,big gasp!
Colleague: What's the matter Tom?
Tom: Kimberley just swore.
Kimberley: I didn't Sir! I just said 'look at the size of my ticks'
An absolute classic...
Yr7s writing about the theatre in Shakespeare's time:
"It was smelly and there were lots of thieves in the theatre. I had 17 penis in my pocket, but they were stolen."
Shakespeare essays - always good for a giggle. I marked an essay a few years ago that referred throughout to the Montagues and the Copulates. Still laughing now!
Anyone ever get 'Wii' at the start of an answer in French? This is a new addition to the exam repertoire this term!
Year 1's on grouping
I was about to have a little word with her about her language when I realised she was writing 'you push it!'
Marking Year 6 work on King ***, and one girl had mixed up the n and u in *** all the way through her work! Needless to say, I changed the spelling next lesson to Canute. Lesson learned!
I'm not sure anyone will find this funny ( I can't exactly say why it is) but it really tickled me.
Year 9s recently wrote a comparison of the novels 'Rebecca' and 'Jane Eyre'. They were pretty sophisticated: we had been discussing female oppression etc and many of them compared the characters of Rebecca (the dead wife) and Bertha (mad woman in the attic) and the treatment they had received from their husbands.
The girl who amused me quoted Bronte's description of Bertha's "quantity of dark, grizzled hair" whereas the scene where the narrator visited Rebecca's room proved that she had, (I quote the student) "a full set of hair brushes".
Most recent was from a lovely lovey, but very dyslexic student, describing an explosion. The bang was like the noise of "a thousand bums" (bombs) - I read it out loud and just hooted with laughter! Still laughing a week later
I'm late to the party I know, but I just had to share these two experiences I had when teaching overseas.
My older level class, who were working towards taking an ESL exam, had to write a letter applying for a job in a summer camp. The only boy, who was about 17, wrote that he wanted to job because he wanted to "have good, very good relations with children"... I had to explain that in Canada (where I'm from) and the US, "have relations" generally means having a sexual relationship :O
The other was related to me by a colleague, she asked a class of teenagers to describe the type of job they wanted in the future... one told her he wanted a hand job. It took her a few minutes to realize he meant a job in manual labour!
Seven years on and still makes me laugh
'And the angel came down and gave Mary a massage...'
'Goldilocks went into the kitchen and found three bowels full of porridge on the table...'
My all time favourite: "He was a good sergeant because he kept a firm hand on his privates."
In a comprehension text, to the question "What does the word creep mean?" one little lad wrote "Creep means to wa*k quietly". When questioned (and after I had recovered my composure) he said he knew that the third letter in walk wasn't r but he couldn't remember what it was...
Almost on topic (verbal rather than written down): one of my colleagues arranged a beautiful nativilty scene in school, with wooden crib figures, animals, angels etc. A group of year 6 pupils paused to admire it and one child said "Look, a Jesus farm..."