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Funniest thing you've seen when marking work

Discussion in 'English' started by debbieryan, Feb 10, 2010.

  1. I was marking my year 7's detective stories last night and found some real howlers. One of my kid's stories began like this:
    'One day Olaf went to the store to buy stuff to satisfy himself.'
    How random?! I was in stitches, tears were poring down my face. Anyone got any others to share?
     
  2. Lovely!
    I quite liked, " Havisham is a poem about a woman who is jolted by her lover."
     
  3. Not from the children's books, but in some of the books we read as a class. Some lines make me want to giggle...I have to control myself.
    E.g 'Candy aroused himself in the corner.' The class never even notice though. And, 'Jane put her hands firmly inside her muff.' Classic and always raises a giggle from the boys.
    I also recall one about Prospero gazing at his bush in a summary version of The Tempest.

    Told you it was immature.
     
  4. 'Some lines make me want to giggle...I have to control myself.
    E.g 'Candy aroused himself in the corner.' The class never even notice though. And, 'Jane put her hands firmly inside her muff.' Classic and always raises a giggle from the boys.'
    Hahaha! Hilarious. :)
     
  5. anon8315

    anon8315 Established commenter

    I had that when reading Doll's House with Year 12s last term - one of the characters fiddles with her muff!
    Skellig has made me laugh recently when Mina tells Michael "These are ***," talking about the birds of course but I did feel a bit sorry for the poor little year 7 who had to read it aloud to the rest of the class giggling!
     
  6. manc

    manc New commenter

    I'm trying to work out which 3-letter word you have asterisked.
     
  7. gruoch

    gruoch New commenter

    ***, I reckon. Lots on my bird feeder at the moment.
     
  8. gruoch

    gruoch New commenter

    Ah - it's automod. A bird which can be blue, great, long tailed etc
    And I typed 4 letters
     
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    Oh, where to start? My students are an endless source of
    amusement. We list all the clangers when it comes to coursework
    moderation each year. Some recent ones:



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    Romeo forgets about Vaseline and withdraws in the shadows.




    &middot;
    Rosaline is not looking for a husband but to
    become a noun.




    &middot;
    Shylock questions the Christians about Jews,
    saying &ldquo;If you ***** us, do we not breed?&rdquo;





    I went to Terry's cabin. I put my hand on his
    ****. I cannot describe the tumult of emotions that raced through my body at
    that point.




    &middot;
    Orange tans are an endangered species.




    &middot;
    This leaflet persuades us to donate people to
    Ethiopia.




    &middot;
    There were people dying in there while still
    alive.







     
  10. Marking year 9 books - one girl was writing about moving house, and was clearly trying to describe her parents packing and wrapping up their belongings, but it came out like:

    "I watched my parents raping the sofa."

    I laughed for a good ten minutes at that one.
     
  11. When doing a scheme of work evaluation, one of my year 7s wrote:
    'I have really enjoyed making a cross stick poems '

    Picture that - the stick looking all angry!!
     
  12. For a number of years I taught English at a special school for dyslexics. I could easily fill a book with howlers, but one that springs to mind was a piece of GCSE coursework analysing Wordsworth's poem "Compost on Westminster Bridge".
     
  13. I still giggle when thinking of an S4 pupil who wrote "the antipasti was eating away at me" during a personal essay.
    Obviously spellcheck didn't work for him that time, but an amusing image all the same!
     
  14. I was marking my year sevens' exercise books, they had all written a short account of the life of Geoffrey Chaucer.


    One girl in the class, who is the meekest, sweetest, 'do you mind
    if I use gel pen to underline, please, Miss?' bespectacled,
    brace-wearing child, had written the following, towards the end of her
    homework:

    "In 1400, Geoffrey Chaucer died of a massive brain tumor. The tumor was so big it would be equivalent to.. (at this point I turned the page)...

    ...Shaquille O'Neill's left testicle."
     
  15. A Year 12 GCSE resitter recently had to write a descriptive piece about a room that represented the emotion anger. Bless her, English is not her first language which has led to a lvoely Yoda-style turn of phrase to start with ... and she clearly hasn't yet picked up on some colloquialisms which might be unfortunate for her, but was comedy gold in the English office later that day ...
    "Trembling my feet were as I walked towards the sucking vortex...I noticed that there was something more on the ground than pebbles - pricks! There were pricks! I could see pricks! The pricks were going to torture me whilst I make my way across the room. I remember thinking I'm not going to go in, maybe that's what they want, they want me to think they are gonna swallow me hole."
    Another I can't lay my hands on to quote from directly - and indeed there is too much to do so - was from a mock exam by a boy who was asked to describe he experienced change and describe his feelings. As he explained later, he just genuinely couldn't think of anything else so wrote about what he know. Unfortunately, what he knew was ... puberty... The poor boy enlightened me about his wet dreams, his pubic hair and expanding (ahem) body parts (and this wasn't a boy who would play it for laughs or shock value either!). It was difficult to know what to say to him about it but he seemed completely unabashed by it!! Definitely my favourite essay of all time, haha!
     
  16. Apologies for the typos in the last entry - grr!!
     
  17. These are brilliant! Some really funny examples.
    Last year one of my year 9s cracked me up. This is how the lesson went-
    Me: What is the technique called where the writer drops a hint about what is going to happen later on?
    Year 9: Silence
    Me: It begins with an F...
    Year 9: Silence
    Me: Fore...
    Temi: Foreplay?
    Bloody hilarious the things that kids say sometimes!
     
  18. 'Tom was astonished when an octopus loomed up from behind the rock and grabbed him with its testicles.'
    A year 9 boy's adventure story.
     
  19. A friend, whose child is in Y2, was looking through her daughter's book at parents' evening. She found a beautiful picture of a victoria sponge, complete with birthday candles.
    Underneath this was written: " I love ***. Mommy loves *** too. Daddy says I take after mommy."
    Bet the teacher was looking forward to parents evening to meet them!
     
  20. From a piece about global warming:

    "...the impact of human beans...."
     

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