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Funeral Attire Advice

Discussion in 'Personal' started by RedQuilt, Feb 26, 2016.

  1. RedQuilt

    RedQuilt Star commenter

    I've got a funeral to attend the week after next and wondering what to wear. It's a Catholic funeral service followed by a cremation but I've never been to a Catholic funeral before. No specific instructions regarding dress code have been issued.
    So should I wear all black?
  2. cuteinpuce

    cuteinpuce Star commenter

    No need to wear all black. You might want to wear something black (a tie if you're male, a hat if you're female) but it doesn't matter that much. You're not the priority.
  3. cuteinpuce

    cuteinpuce Star commenter

    Hmm, that last sentence was intended to sound factual, not snotty.
  4. josienig

    josienig Star commenter

    @RedQuilt Generally, only immediate family wear all black, if they even do anymore.
    lindenlea and RedQuilt like this.
  5. delnon

    delnon Lead commenter

    Anything dark/sober. Male: dark suit, black tie (come on, guys, they're not expensive): Female, dark suit/dress/top.
    Always a good idea to have a black expanding umbrella.
    racroesus likes this.
  6. Lascarina

    Lascarina Star commenter

    Does it keep on expanding? I don't suppose Red Quilt would want it to take her up into the sky like Mary Poppins.
  7. RedQuilt

    RedQuilt Star commenter

    Excellent, I thought that might be the case but had a vague thought in my head that Catholic funerals were more austere than I'm used to. Plus the fact that there won't be any flowers I assumed it might be all black attire.
    I was more concerned about not offending the family by wearing something unsuitable rather than raising my importance! It's the funeral of a very dear and special friend so I'm going purely to pay my last respects.
    I've sober clothes so will go with that and take a hat in case everyone else is wearing one.

    Lascarina likes this.
  8. FrankWolley

    FrankWolley Star commenter

    My cousin was a practising Catholic, but (in line with his wishes) his family asked that no-one wore black.
    I think it is a personal decision.

    I would ask a member of the family/close friend of the deceased if possible about any dress code. If you can't, as others have suggested, something sober with a bit of black (such as a tie for men) should be fine.
  9. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    Having had father-in-law's funeral this week (not Catholic though) he had requested that people wore blue (being ex-navy and nautical) rather than black.

    However I know for my mother she would expect black. Having dementia she can no longer say herself and when I got around to asking her which were her favourite hymns, her comment, "Do I know any hymns?" told me it was too late to ask, So I'm going by what she did in the past.

    So I think a quick request from a family member might be a good idea.
    RedQuilt and Lascarina like this.
  10. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    I don't like funerals where they say don't dress in sober colours. The two suits I've got are both dark grey and I'm not going to cough up for a new suit just for someone who'll never see it. :)

    In answer to the OP - if it was me I'd wear one of my grey suits and a suitably sober tie (not black). If I was female (or a cross dresser) I'd probably be doing eeny meeny miny mo down the less colourful end of my wardrobe. Definitely don't go dressed as The Pope.
    Noja and Lascarina like this.
  11. Nuuk

    Nuuk Occasional commenter

    I have been to two funerals recently. In both cases most people, including the family of the deceased, wore sombre main clothing eg suit/coat with a brightly coloured shirt or scarf. When I have been to children`s funerals (from school) bright colours have always been requested by the family. Most families just seemed to be pleased that you have taken the time to show your respect to their loved ones, although I agree a quick phone call to ask if there is a dress code might be the way to go.
  12. RedQuilt

    RedQuilt Star commenter

    That's a very useful bit of advice that's saved me from making a dreadful mistake. Thanks.

    I'll wear a muted blue A-line dress, on the knee, with a fine knit black cardigan and black boots then. It'll do.
  13. Flere-Imsaho

    Flere-Imsaho Star commenter

    I think there's a lot less concern these days. Funerals I have been to (Catholic and otherwise) have been a mix of people in black and others just in something smart and tidy. One friend's funeral was full of people who had bought "mother of the bride" style outfits with high heels and fascinators and that seemed more like a fashion parade than a funeral - made me a bit uncomfortable.
  14. xena-warrior

    xena-warrior Star commenter

    Good grief! The last three I went to, the majority of ladies wore a dark coat over dark trousers, dress or skirt, and a non-vibrant top. The men wore dark suits. There wasn't much black to be seen but neither was there much colour.
  15. catmother

    catmother Star commenter

    I think that this is what most people would wear,unless they have been told to wear a specific colour.
    Lara mfl 05 likes this.
  16. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    You can't go far wrong with dark.

    Best of all? Check with the family.
  17. Flere-Imsaho

    Flere-Imsaho Star commenter

    Yes, me too. Being there is more important than what you have on.
    catmother likes this.
  18. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Well, you'd feel a fool if it happened to be one of those where everyone wears pink!

    So it IS important to get it right. I don't think tensions ever run higher than at funerals. Oh, weddings.

    You don't want to get it wrong. USUALLY if it's a 'please wear ostrich feathers and glitter' kind of bash then they try to ensure everyone knows. Otherwise the default is dark.

    But don't leave it to chance. I've known families clash and friendships fail over who wore what at the funeral.
  19. catmother

    catmother Star commenter

    You must go to some right fancy funerals,Grumpydogwoman!
  20. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    That was an exaggeration for effect.

    The LAST one I attended we were given a choice of ties to wear. Men and women. The deceased had a tie collection. A vast collection. Which the widow would have to dispose of somehow or other.

    So we all wore one of his ties. Not necessarily AS ties. Headband. Whatever. You were then meant to either keep it or take it to the charity shop. I haven't done that yet.

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