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Discussion in 'Personal' started by oldsomeman, Apr 29, 2011.

  1. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    I actually have few deep friends......although i do have lots of folks i befriend and help.....but the real deep friends are few....strangly nearly all woman
    Once i make a friend ill stay with you through thick and thin.......but if you betray me you never get to really know me again!
  2. Betray me and you do not exist for me. Ever again.
  3. mandala1

    mandala1 Occasional commenter

    Duh duh duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
  4. bed

    bed New commenter

    Ooo you've been hurt!

    Friends care, have things in common, laugh at the same stuff, say "You Too!!! How weird!!"
    Friends can start as colleagues.
    Hope stuff works out for you.

  5. Friends are those people who turn up at your house with chocolates, wine and girly dvds when you've just broken up with someone, even though you can't stomach the chocolates or the wine and you're too vacant to take in the film.
    Great friends are those who travel half way across the country to do the same thing! (I'm lucky to have a few of those who did just that).
  6. Oi, you just moved into the friend zone. Cos you are as daft as me.
  7. I always think of this situation: if I needed something, anything, no matter how small, they would drop what they were doing and help me out.
    I long changed my opinion that it would be someone who liked the same things as me etc. which I used to think were really important and realised that, while that is great, it is not what matters. I probably have 2 or 3 people I could say this about and i cherish them greatly.
  8. That is how I measure.
    And it is how I measure me.
    I am **** at asking for help or showing I am not coping. I post a lot on here but I don't really post what I feel.
    I notice who notices and who takes the time to think about my life. And they know I think of theirs.
    It is an exchange, without a tally score.
  9. Totally, agree, CQ. I often don't ask for help but know who I could ask. I also see myself failing as a friend sometime because I hold these values, but try my hardest to do better!!
  10. :) I'm fine - that was over 10 years ago. We had a brief discussion in work recently about friends and I thought it was a good topic to post.

    I keep my distance from people, I'm known for being too direct - if people want to befriend me, they get to know me and maybe stick around.
  11. Well, I think I could ask many, but I do not trust them, as they are so judgemental. I thought once I had a friend here, she turned out to be horrid.
    I am a right bolshy moo, it is quite amazing really that some folk can put up with me.
    But they do. And they are there. And I really love them for it.
  12. johnnersco

    johnnersco New commenter

    I don't have any friends. According to my wife it is because I am a miserable g-t amd very rude to people.
  13. Andy_91

    Andy_91 New commenter

    You won't know if you have any real 'til death us do part friends until something has gone cataclysmically wrong for about two years, which is typically the time scale at which people either bail out of being supportive for the sake of their own health or have to start putting down limits to the friendship for the same reason.
    Other friendships run on a continuum from peole you talk to every morning at the bus stop upwards. These casual friendships/relationships can equally be quite supportive - local shopkeepers/neighbours who hold your house keys for friends and family for example - and can remain so because they lack the extra degree of intimacy, so that boundaries are always there and the friendship isn't emotionally over-charged.

  14. guitarplayer

    guitarplayer New commenter

    Well I care... I care a lot. And I support and I'm there. Always.

    I do it because it's what I do- it's what I'm about.

    And it's made a fool of me.

    But I keep doing it.
  15. bed

    bed New commenter

    Real friends are very hard to find.
    They're the people who want the best for you, who give without expecting a return, who'll go the extra mile or 200 to 'be there' ...
    You can have known them for 5 minutes or 25 years.
    Time doesn't have to count, shared history isn't necessary

  16. Who was it that said you should be able to count your true friends on one hand?
    I have about three extremely close friends, summed up very well by others on here (always there, even if it's just to sit there!) but I also view some friendships in the way I tend to view relationships - they can be right at the time, for a time, but don't have to be everlasting (true romantic me [​IMG] ).
    I count lots of work colleagues as friends, but am also aware the friendship may not last once I leave, which for me is the difference between a close friend and a friend.
  17. dominant_tonic

    dominant_tonic Established commenter

    Agreed. I made a new friend this week :) I went to a Christian conference in the Philipines and was struggling with some of the language, and she offered to sit next to me and translate. We laughed and cried together for 3 days - I feel like I have known her for ages, and miss her already!
    I have also made one other real friend this year, possibly two if the langauge barrier were not prevalent :) This brings my total of friends to 3/4. Real friends who I can laugh with, lose my temper with, cry with, make hair brained plans with, and be myself with, who I expect help from, and expect to give help to.

  18. fantastischfish

    fantastischfish Established commenter

    I have been thinking about this very issue lately, especially given that I'm at that point in life when my friends are beginning to get married etc.
    I understand that life changes and so do one's priorities. I live with my boyfriend of just over 2 years now, and we do go out and socialise much less than we used to: the past 2 weekends for instance...usually we'd have been out in the beer garden, out drinking on the Sunday evening with friends etc, but this year we're staying in and having a quiet night together.
    However, I do have 'friends' that I've know for 20 years who have completely dropped out of existence (it seems) once they've got boyfriends and then subsequently married.
    One friend, who I hadn't heard from for 2 years, apart from one occasion at a mutual friend's wedding, got rather sniffy with me for not sending her an engagement card. I realised then that she wasn't a proper friend. She'd made no attempt to contact me and, in fact, sent me a rather snotty email about how bad a friend I was for not sending an engagement card. She neither enquired abobut my life, not wondered about any reason that my mind may have been on other things at the time she got engaged.
    So, for me, and friend CAN be someone I don't see for a while, but they must be the sort of person who takes as much interest in MY life as they expect ME to in theirs.
    Someone isn't your friend simply because you've known them for a long time.

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