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Friend has nightmare toddler, but doesn't seem to noitce..... Should I say something?!

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by wormburger, Jan 20, 2011.

  1. One of my friends has two children, one if 5 and one is 2 and a half. They are both girls and the older one is my Goddaughter. The problem is that her children are both really naughty, the younger one particularly and it's getting to the stage where I (and quite a few of our friends) are wary about visiting or inviting them over as we feel really uncomfortable. I have a 4 month old, so I'm not really in a position to berate someone else's parenting of their toddler, but the most difficult thing is that my friend seems to totally ignore the behaviour. Whilst I understand that there is a lot to be said for ignoring unwanted behaviour, she also makes lots of empty threats and generally lets them eat what they want.
    As an example, they came for lunch one day last week and within half an hour the 2 year old was having a full on hissy fit on the floor, arms and legs going and so on. This was in spite of 2 adults focussing their attention on her and playing with her. My friend threatened to take her home and then didn't! She was then running up and down the stairs, trying to slide down them on pillows, moving ornaments around etc. My friend said nothing and generally appeared quite happy and relaxed. When it came to lunch she ate one tiny piece of chicken and two pieces of pasta then demolished a chocolate bar and a chocolate trifle. Yesterday, they visited another friend and the 2 year old ate an entire packet of chocolate biscuits. My friend is unable to hold my LO as it results in screaming from her toddler and her attempting to climb onto her lap with her.
    I am really torn about whether or not to say something. My friend is an intelligent and sensible woman and (maybe it's the teacher in me!) I am just bemused as to why she lets her children run riot, particularly in other people's houses!
    Any advice?
     
  2. One of my friends has two children, one if 5 and one is 2 and a half. They are both girls and the older one is my Goddaughter. The problem is that her children are both really naughty, the younger one particularly and it's getting to the stage where I (and quite a few of our friends) are wary about visiting or inviting them over as we feel really uncomfortable. I have a 4 month old, so I'm not really in a position to berate someone else's parenting of their toddler, but the most difficult thing is that my friend seems to totally ignore the behaviour. Whilst I understand that there is a lot to be said for ignoring unwanted behaviour, she also makes lots of empty threats and generally lets them eat what they want.
    As an example, they came for lunch one day last week and within half an hour the 2 year old was having a full on hissy fit on the floor, arms and legs going and so on. This was in spite of 2 adults focussing their attention on her and playing with her. My friend threatened to take her home and then didn't! She was then running up and down the stairs, trying to slide down them on pillows, moving ornaments around etc. My friend said nothing and generally appeared quite happy and relaxed. When it came to lunch she ate one tiny piece of chicken and two pieces of pasta then demolished a chocolate bar and a chocolate trifle. Yesterday, they visited another friend and the 2 year old ate an entire packet of chocolate biscuits. My friend is unable to hold my LO as it results in screaming from her toddler and her attempting to climb onto her lap with her.
    I am really torn about whether or not to say something. My friend is an intelligent and sensible woman and (maybe it's the teacher in me!) I am just bemused as to why she lets her children run riot, particularly in other people's houses!
    Any advice?
     
  3. I don't think that you can say anything and keep your friendship.
    2 year olds are strange beings and they do get better, but as you say the older lass is demanding you are probably quite right that it could be a behaviour management issue. How we raise our children is up to each parent, I suppose and so you need to keep your own counsel
    - that is not unusual behaviour for a two year old.

    You don't want herchild wrecking your own house though, do you.

    Try and meet on neutral territory eg. a park or play scheme or in her house perhaps.
     
  4. I have this situation. My sister is a director at a huge international company and a single mum to my 6 year old nephew. From the day he was born he has been a royal pain in the bum. He gets absolutely no discipline other than his mum yelling at him [when she is there, he is mostly looked after by an au pair or my mum]. The yelling has no effect and usually just ends up in a screaming match. He will only eat pasta, hardly anything else and will have a tantrum if you try to feed him anything. My sister spends a fortune sending him to private school as his first school couldn't cope with him as he was in a class of 34. He does a lot better at school now but outside of it he is the devil.
    After all that though I have no advice as your friend is probably well aware or the behaviour and most likely at her wits end with it. Maybe you could send supernanny round.
    I avoid my sister like the plague most of the time so I don't have to spend time with them. Then again she is a pain in the bum too! For example at Christmas she sent him to my other sisters house for a sleepover [other sister has two little girls] knowing full well that he had worms! Poor nephew spent the whole night screaming and crying. Sister denied knowledge of him having them which would be fine except he had told other sister that his mummy had given him a tablet for it the day before. Cue other girls also catching them.
     
  5. I could have written this although about a friend with a 4 year old - I don't feel its my place to say anything to them, however, I have stopped him from going to hit my LO (who was 6 weeks old at the time!) and from throwing toys/ornaments round at people in my house! I don't think this is unreasonable!
    x
     

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