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Discussion in 'Personal' started by jacob, Jun 24, 2005.
as i espy
a headteacher a'smirking
i often wonder
why he aint workin.
Oh, who's the head?
Is it you, dear Ed?
Cos it ain't poor me
As you can plainly see!
i must admit
my eyesight fails me
can't see your handle
is it lit baby?
as time goes by so quickly
and the new year fast approaches
i will sit and contemplate
how to zap them f*ckin' cockroaches.
'Tis indeed Lit babe
Cos I am small and like books
Obviously, the babe
Is to do with my good looks!
So Friday has come round again
And my poorly knee has been a pain
Thank goodness, it was a 3 day week
Cos I'm feeling like a dusty antique.
Friday afternoon it is,
Not friday in the eve
I am home and unemployed
no money in my purse sleeve
But who gives a ****
Cos' i have daytime tv
and then later on, a nap
so you see, i am not as forlorn as i could be
Unemployed I am too,
But what can I do?
Without a penny to my name.
Hence sitting here,
with noone near,
Writing poetry so lame.
I am downloading things
on to my daddys lappy
if i ruin his computer one more time
he's going to fill his nappy
(oh god that was the worst yet)
To your situation I can relate;
My boyfriend will be home quite late.
To relieve my boredom I will bake,
A nice big tasty chocolate cake!
But first I need to go,
to Asda in the rain and cold.
It's a ******,
But I haven't got any icing sugar!
Get hence ye lady cooks, and to your kitchens go!
The weather's mild, there is no frost, and neither any snow!
Bestow upon your gentlemen the tastiest repast,
Its nearly two, so make the stew, into the oven fast!
Upon his laboured voyage home into the pub he might,
To quaff a jolly pint of ale, but not get in a fight.
His tired old feet, his beard near white, his countenance so craggy,
But if you're still a bit of fluff, perhaps you'll get a shag(gy)!
This humble housewife,
Can cause a lot of strife,
To a man after only one thing.
If a man comes home late,
He will face a tough fate,
If all he expects is a shag.
He better appreciate,
efforts his missus will dedicate,
Or see his testicles kept in a bag.
*Or as someone I know put it: "he'll be wearing the cake as a hat".
Tis a Friday be sure
There'll be poems galore
Tho' most will be poor
Kind of like this one is.
Tis not quite Friday night I'd say
But I managed to get away early
I'm naked in front of my PC
Just waiting for my girly!
'Tis Friday and joy should be waiting ahead
But dread and despair are looming instead.
I've marking, assessment and planning to file
annotating, analysing it could take a while.
For the literacy audit on Monday awaits,
So much for fun and hot steamy dates.
Oh where is my hero to rescue me thus?
To take me away from this nonsense and fuss.
Where is the weekend of wild waton pleasure?
Where is the alcohol that I so treasure?
As I take up my pen, my mark book and scores
I wait for a gentle wrap on the door.
I know that the time this weekend will drag
Unless I get on with it, then I can brag.
I'll run to the pub and grab me a man
And take him back home as fast as I can.
Forgotten will be that Damocles sword
Until Monday arrives with all it has stored.
So spare me a thought this weekend my friend
And hope that this workload soon comes to an end
So that I may indulge as all single girls must
In a weekend of alcohol, pleasure and lust.
Well, I thought I'd post before going to the pub
(For Litty, there is no welcome in a gltzy club!)
So I'm blowing my kisses to you ... and you
And, yes, Jacob! To you too!
Time for a revival methinks
Especially as you lot all stink
You can't write a ditty
Your pomes are all sh!tty
I'll come round and pee in your sink!
I thought that my previous ode was ok
Full of insight, emotion, desire and dismay.
The audit turned out to be better than hoped
I was rather happy with just how I coped.
This weekend is much better I hasten to say
With football and beer a flowing all day.
With the evening full of romance and pleasure
I think that this weekend will be one that I treasure.
My ditties stink! I hear you say
Right then, jacob, it's time to pay!
I'll have a glass of wine
And maltesers would be fine!
Up from my humble bed stir I!
I feel so ill, I don't know why.
The great unwashed await my wit,
But will this do? This pile of poo?