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Flying the nest (literally)

Discussion in 'Personal' started by daffodilval, Sep 1, 2011.

  1. Not a problem, just needed to share..
    We have 3 children, the eldest 26, has been living and working in the Philippies for the last 3 years, i was heart broken at first, but am now glad she is happy and settled, we keep in touch regulary and she has been home a couple of times to visit. Our youngest, 21, is off to Canada in a couple of weeks, for a min of 1 year, max of 4, on a working Visa, the middle one has no intentions of leaving the country..
    I am determined not to get upset when the youngest leaves..(although I probably will, inwardly) and keep telling myself, its his life, he has done well, its a great opportunity and I am very proud of him, then why do I have this feeling of such sadness? Is it just a maternal thing?
  2. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    I have to be honest - by the time my two left home properly I had the bunting ready.
    My son left home then returned again so often he was nicknamed boomerang-boy but finally met his now wife and settled away from home permanently. My daughter and my grandson stayed with me until he was just over 3 so I was ready for them to move out when they finally did.
    Maybe I'm just not mumsy enough but I didn't shed a tear when either of them left and I've enjoyed having the place to myself for the last couple of years.
  3. Thanks seren_dipity, I won't deny that I am looking forward to the peace and quiet, the savings on food etc, but him being a lad, I feel he won't be in touch as much as my daughter, he has promised to send the odd email and I know he'll be fine and can look after himself, I think its just the distance more than anything and 'another' off spring not wanting to be at home..Im just being selfish, I know..

  4. anteater

    anteater New commenter

    Could you look on it as an opportunity to have holidays in exciting places?
    One of mine seems to have "disappeared." I know it is only to Southampton, but it might as well be the other side of the world, given the amount of visits and phone calls! And I certainly don't want a holiday there...(no offence to the good citizens of Southampton, of course)
    You're bound to feel sad...it's the end of their childhood - but keep feeling proud as well.
  5. Holidays that far away cost a lot of money and savings, we are planning to go to the Philippines next year (not cheap), its taken 3 yrs to save, but it'll be worth it.
  6. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    daffodilval - I have the advantage of having mine fairly close - son and wife on other side of Glasgow and daughter and grandson not even five minutes walk away. I'm sorry that my two step-children both live down south now so I don't see them that often.
    I'm looking forward to my wee grandson coming to see me under his own steam - he's just turned 6 so should be able to visit on his own soon....it'll be an adventure for him.

  7. It's probably not them not wanting to be at home, it's them wanting to explore the world, discover new things and have new experiences.
    I'm the child who moved to the other side of the world; I spent a year living in southern Africa when I was 18. It wasn't because I didn't want to be at home, it was because I had the chance to go and I wanted to have the experiences that I had. I had to come back after a year (it was a year long, year out project) but even now I'm thinking about teaching abroad for a couple of years, because I want the experience and a chance to live in and discover another culture.
    But, my parents did get their revenge on me by moving to another country themselves! I can't complain about that, and they can't complain about me moving to where ever I end up!
  8. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    I was heartbroken and bereft when my two left home two years ago within 4 days of each other. They were off to university.
    I didn't know how I'd cope on my own, after over 20 years of being pregnant and a Mum.
    Surprisingly I got used to it very quickly. I would come home to a house that was still tidy, food still in fridge, beer/wine still in fridge, electricity bill halved. It was really rather lovely!
    Of course I love them and I miss them, but it's so nice when they visit now......and even nicer when they leave!
    There's a possibility (small I hope) that my son might come back to live with us and I really hope he doesn't. He's welcome here anytime but I like my own time and space now.
    You'll miss your youngest, but you'll get used to it.
  9. gergil4

    gergil4 New commenter

    Sorry to go off thread for a moment, but for Belle - funny how you build up a picture of someone. I had imagined you to be 25ish. Obviously not having read your thread above!
  10. ljr

    ljr New commenter

    You should feel really proud that you have done exactly what a parent should do - bring up your children so that they can lead independent lives. Yes, we miss them when they go, and the tidy house is a compensation, but the fact that they can run homes and jobs without us reminding them to get up / tidy up / budget / cook healthy food shows that we have done a good job!
  11. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    I soooo LOVE you gergil4!!!!! You are now my bestie!!!!
    I like to think I'm still 25 at heart.....and I know for a fact I can give many yougsters a run for their money! [​IMG]
  12. Ha Ha me too Belle!!

    Our daughter is married but lives locally so we have many get-togethers which is great. Our son(26) still lives with us but in April he met a girl who lives 200 miles away!! He travels up and down to see her as often as he can and is looking for work in her area. So it looks as though he will be flying the nest soon!?
    Now I will miss him but I won't miss the extra work he creates in the house!! Plus Mr Mag has plans to turn his very large bedroom into study/ gym/ scalextric layout!! We are going to knock a wall down between the existing study room and our room to create a better size bedroom for us!

    So everything is on hold until he does move out!! Our son is not aware of our plans as we wouldn't put pressure on him to move out, this is his home as long as he wishes but we can dream!!
    I will miss his hugs the most. Actually I am now getting upset at the thought of him leaving!!
  13. Ljr, aw thanks that was really lovely to say that , we live on a council estate, (house owner) and it has been hard bringing up the children as there were so many 'bad' influences in their lives, so yeah, thanks, I think I have done a pretty good job of steering them clear of, what could have been, trouble..I am so vey proud of them, like you say,but boy, I am looking forward to my cheaper food bills, he eats me out of house and home, I'm sure he has hollow legs.
    Thanks for all your relpies and support.
  14. [
    Ha Ha I know what you mean!!

    As Ljr mentioned you should be very proud and I am sure there will be many visits!!
  15. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    Yes, sons do give the very best hugs in the world!
  16. Huh! mine doesn't, he hates all that huggy, tactile stuff...my daughters are the best huggers..
  17. Upadate..Well,son and heir 'flew' the nest, managed to get a job almost immediatly, (over double what he was earning here), renting a beautiful home and is as happy as larry..I coudn't be more prouder ..[​IMG]
  18. Our daughter, who is nearly 28, seemed to fly the coup when she went to University. She seemed so independent: she got herself part-time work to help out her loans, and she did not call on us for anything (even turning it down when we offered). We saw her for fleeting visists in holidays and that was about it. I must admit that I felt rather sad at this; too much indepence by our daughter made me feel as if I had not been close enough as a parent.
    When she left Uni, she went off places like Vietnam and Thailand to work; she had a year or so back here and then went back, and has been there ever since. (For me, the saddest thing was that she came back sporting some ghastly tattoo on her back of some figure with too many arms.)
  19. Awww.... how lovely Val. I am so pleased for you. You have been through some worrying times recently, haven't you?
    It's such a relief when our grown-up children are settled isn't it?
    Anyone wanna buy two strong young lads? [​IMG]
    Daughter is fine, loved up and in a place of her/their own and although the boys aren't around much ('courting' as I call it.....they think it's quaint!) they still live here. Much as I love 'em, I can't ever see them leaving home.....[​IMG]
  20. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    Well, I'm very pleased that my older son is happily married and enjoying his life in Oz but it sucks that I have to do a round trip of 22,000 miles every time I want to see my 8 yr old and 2 yr old grandsons.

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