1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. Hi Guest, welcome to the TES Community!

    Connect with like-minded professionals and have your say on the issues that matter to you.

    Don't forget to look at the how to guide.

    Dismiss Notice

finding the time to...

Discussion in 'Pregnancy' started by ladybug3, Jan 5, 2011.

  1. ... DTD! For one reason and another (morning sickness, extreme fatigue, snoring!) OH and I only DTD three times while I was pregnant- at the start he was very patient and then by the end I think he didn't feel much like DTD with a very pregnant lady!
    LO is now 6 weeks old and while OH has wanted to for weeks, I finally plucked up the courage last night... turned out to be fine physically (good old missionary position!) but emotionally it felt a bit strange- probably because we haven't had much of a sex life for so long. To be honest, it felt like we were both doing it because we had to!
    Obviously we are both anxious to get things back on track. We know, of course, not to expect it to be the same as before... just wondered if anyone would be happy to give some insight into what to expect, how to find the time given the sleep deprivation, any tips on how to make it an essential part of our relationship again... or is this just one of the many very difficult things about parenthood?!

     
  2. ... DTD! For one reason and another (morning sickness, extreme fatigue, snoring!) OH and I only DTD three times while I was pregnant- at the start he was very patient and then by the end I think he didn't feel much like DTD with a very pregnant lady!
    LO is now 6 weeks old and while OH has wanted to for weeks, I finally plucked up the courage last night... turned out to be fine physically (good old missionary position!) but emotionally it felt a bit strange- probably because we haven't had much of a sex life for so long. To be honest, it felt like we were both doing it because we had to!
    Obviously we are both anxious to get things back on track. We know, of course, not to expect it to be the same as before... just wondered if anyone would be happy to give some insight into what to expect, how to find the time given the sleep deprivation, any tips on how to make it an essential part of our relationship again... or is this just one of the many very difficult things about parenthood?!

     
  3. Hi ladybug! I'm in a different situation to you as we are currently trying to conceive so are at it like the clappers at the moment, haha! I can understand where you're coming from though as, before ttc, I have to admit myself and other half had got pretty lazy. We were both knackered from work and most nights preferred cuddling in bed until we nodded off. At one point other half actually admitted that he was kind of concerned about how 'false' the sex will feel when we go from not very much to a lot but, after a couple of months of getting back on track, I think we've both remembered why we were at it so much in the early days! Haha!
    My friends with babies have expressed the same concern as you so you're not alone. I can't imagine having to find the time and the will when you have a little one as well. I can only suggest going for it whenever you can as, the more you do, the more it will become natural and enjoyable again [​IMG]
     
  4. Ladybug well done for being brave! I am still a chicken. But I know what you mean - both OH and I are apprehensive cos we know it'll be different. I feel the same about how we are going to DTD with lack of sleep, a baby who sleeps in room with us, etc. Maybe I'm just making excuses...!
     
  5. Ditto to lady bug and also for posting this. I was curious too and wasn't brave enough to start a thread!
    We also DTD about half a dozen times during pregnancy and we tried for the first time over the Christmas period (LO was 8wks) so you're braver than me again. It hurt more than I was expecting and we didn't manage to finish! :-( I felt like my stitches were going to split although I am sure that's not true. OH was so lovely and understanding but I am sure that he'll be wanting to try again soon... I too feel that there is a lack of time available and any spare time is taken up by sleeping or resting!!
     
  6. Tricky one, I must admit that we don't get round to it that often but when we do, early evening is a good time. LO is tucked up in bed and we are not too tired. May I suggest making use of the spare room or sofa rather than disturbing the LO. I hate doing it in the same room, it feels too wierd! May I also suggest plenty of lubrication, I found it less painful on my tear that way.
    Does anyone who is breast feeding feel wierd about their OH touching them now? I do [​IMG]
     
  7. Hmmmmm - now this is a tricky one as my identity isn't exactly, er, unknown and Mr Weebie may have a heart attack but......
    what the heck, here goes nothing...

    DTD is important ladies.
    But a lot of the time it's fine if it's quick and functional and loving in a friendly way. And for some of you that may be something new, because up until now you've always had - time - for something more than that.
    And if you don't feel up to full DTD encourage him anyway. It really doesn't take much energy to move your hand, does it?
    And then occasionally, when you've time, make the effort. Full garb on, perfume dee dah dee dah dee dah. Go discover that you're all a woman.

    And remember ladies, while we're on this topic - the first rule of marriage.
    If OH is being an @rz, DTD twice, then make time to tell him how you're feeling, what you feel is going wrong and what you need him to do and then to listen to him.

    Weebecka is an interloper from maths who gives decidedly dubious advice.


     
  8. God you must be the perfect wife. If I can't be ar*ed to DTD I can't be ar*ed to "move my hand" either!! He hehe. I do agree that the more you do it, the easier it gets and it really hurt me for ages :-( I don't think I really started enjoying it til she was a good few months old.
     
  9. made me laugh so much I almost choked! Clearly my first husband didn't think so![​IMG]
     
  10. DTD never dried up for us during pregnancy but I can understand easily why it would. First time after birth was ok but definitely gets better and easier the more you do it - although granted that is definitely alot less than before LO was born! (I can't see how there is any avoiding that - depending how active you were before) I think the most important thing is making time for each other whether it involves DTD or not.
    x
     
  11. Don't stress it, I reckon. I find that doing anything because you feel you should (either side) makes for things getting more emotionally weird, not less. Also you are actually doing well to be back on it by this stage - my post-natal recovery was a challenge in many ways (physical and emotional) and the first time I managed to DTD 'properly' was when LO was 5.5 months - was not in a physical state before this, and actually emotionally would have struggled anyway!
    But, since that 6 month point our sex life has improved beyond measure. It's still rare, but it's always fab! In many ways less frequent but better than before baby.


     
  12. This is a tough one because everyone is different. My hubby and I argued loads in the last few months of pregnancy because I still wanted some action but he was scared of hurting me. To be fair this could have been because I was constantly whinging about some ache or pain.
    After my son was born I couldn't wait to see if my lady business was still in working order and I think it was about three weeks after that we tried. It was okay but as a previous poster said, it was more of a relief that it had worked than anything.
    BUT since then it has been fanbloodytastic, although as everyone else has said, we only manage a couple of times a week but I'm happy to go with quality over quantity.
    My question is- will it always be this good? It was always good but something is definitely different.
     

Share This Page