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Fiance Assault Help

Discussion in 'Personal' started by scentless_apprentice, Jun 8, 2011.

  1. All,
    I'm currently off work sick at the moment but this morning my poor fiancee was on the way to work and had to put up with the following incident...
    She was walking to the train station past the local corner shop, when a group of pupils from the local school started to throw cakes bought from the shop at each other - one hit my fiancee, to which she said 'watch what you're doing'. The pupils then started leaving rubbish on the floor, this time my fiancee asked them to tidy up - being a good citizen and all - after which one of the pupils shoved her from behind.
    Now - here's the problem - my fiancee retaliated, and pushed who she thought shoved her back, and told them to watch it - it appears, however, that who she shoved wasn't the student who shoved her. She knows this was a daft thing to do, but it was a heat of the moment thing, and we've all made mistakes in the past.
    After laughing at her, the pupils then decided to follow and verbally abuse her all the way to the station, and chant abuse from the station bridge all whilst she was waiting for the train.
    Now - I feel pretty helpless - if she hadn't have shoved one of the lads, it'd have been a pretty simple case of keeping an eye on the situation but now I'm worried. Do I:
    1. Call the police (not via 999 obviously) - explain the situation and admit my fiancee's mistake, in a way to pre-empt any parental involvement.
    2. Call the shop and see what CCTV footage there is (if any) and see if it implicates anyone?
    3. Hope it settles down?
    I'm more worried about the abuse. I've told her not to give them the satisfaction of a reaction, but I also feel I need to intervene. If they follow her home one day - we don't live far from the station - then it could escalate to all sorts.
    Any suggestions? I know what my fiancee did in retaliation was ultimately wrong, but the group's actions were surely just as bad, if not worse?
     
  2. All,
    I'm currently off work sick at the moment but this morning my poor fiancee was on the way to work and had to put up with the following incident...
    She was walking to the train station past the local corner shop, when a group of pupils from the local school started to throw cakes bought from the shop at each other - one hit my fiancee, to which she said 'watch what you're doing'. The pupils then started leaving rubbish on the floor, this time my fiancee asked them to tidy up - being a good citizen and all - after which one of the pupils shoved her from behind.
    Now - here's the problem - my fiancee retaliated, and pushed who she thought shoved her back, and told them to watch it - it appears, however, that who she shoved wasn't the student who shoved her. She knows this was a daft thing to do, but it was a heat of the moment thing, and we've all made mistakes in the past.
    After laughing at her, the pupils then decided to follow and verbally abuse her all the way to the station, and chant abuse from the station bridge all whilst she was waiting for the train.
    Now - I feel pretty helpless - if she hadn't have shoved one of the lads, it'd have been a pretty simple case of keeping an eye on the situation but now I'm worried. Do I:
    1. Call the police (not via 999 obviously) - explain the situation and admit my fiancee's mistake, in a way to pre-empt any parental involvement.
    2. Call the shop and see what CCTV footage there is (if any) and see if it implicates anyone?
    3. Hope it settles down?
    I'm more worried about the abuse. I've told her not to give them the satisfaction of a reaction, but I also feel I need to intervene. If they follow her home one day - we don't live far from the station - then it could escalate to all sorts.
    Any suggestions? I know what my fiancee did in retaliation was ultimately wrong, but the group's actions were surely just as bad, if not worse?
     
  3. harsh-but-fair

    harsh-but-fair Star commenter

    At that point she should have called the Police. Why didn't she?
     
  4. Lets get this straight

    She was physicall assaulted by having a cake thrown at her
    she gave them a verbal warning
    See was then physically assaulted a second time
    Shed defended herself - but got the wrong person - or maybe she didn't - she doesn't know.
    SHe was then assaulted by several people who followed herand continued to harrass her while she left them alone.

    Get the CCTV
    call the police
    call the headteacher of the school
    Walk with her to the station tomorrow


     
  5. Called the police, they're looking into it.
    The reason she didn't call the police at first is that she acted in retaliation - and with it being schoolchildren she didn't know how that would reflect on her. It's only the same if a student did the same in the classroom - what if you retaliated then?
    I'm going to go to the shop to see if there was any CCTV but speaking to my fiancee it seems it might have happened out of view of the camera.
     
  6. harsh-but-fair

    harsh-but-fair Star commenter

    She retaliated before she had a cake thrown at her?
     
  7. No, she retaliated after she was shoved for questioning their actions.
     
  8. harsh-but-fair

    harsh-but-fair Star commenter

    I'm afraid that calling the Police now is rather like shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted. I hope they can find some CCTV pictures for you.
     
  9. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    Unfortunately it could read as follows:
    • Your fiancee was ACCIDENTALLY hit by a cake
    • Someone ACCIDENTALLY pushed into your fiancee whilst the lads were larking around
    • Your fiancee DELIBERATELY shoved a possibly uninvolved pupil
    I am in no way saying this is what happened, and I am broadly sympathetic, but your fiancees reaction was bloody stupid (saying "we all make mistakes" is a cop-out) and talk of police involvement and "assaults" is extremely unhelpful
     
  10. afterdark

    afterdark Lead commenter

    I beg to differ.
    bloody stupid ... no it is a reaction. People react instinctively.
    It is not unhelpful to talk of police involvement as we as adults are no longer allowed by law to defend ourselves if we do people assume the worst and things are twisted in a pejorative manner.
    I too can insert CAPITALISED words to put a different slant on it...
    After being assaulted Your fiancee INSTINCTIVELY PUSHED AWAY the NEAREST person to her which BY SHEER HAPPENSTANCE was a PUPIL at her school.
    The accidently is not an excuse in the eyes of the law.
    What if her expensive coat [or other item of clothing] is now ruined.
    Remember she used <u>a reasonable amount</u> of force to defend herself.
     
  11. Cervinia

    Cervinia Occasional commenter

    Is your fiancee a teacher?
     
  12. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    She didn't defend herself, she retaliated.
     
  13. dogcat

    dogcat New commenter

    I don't think the police need to be informed about this, they have more important priorities to be honest.
    I can imagine it would be unnerving for your fiance and she would probab;y be shaken up, but I think 'assault' is taking it a bit too far. The cake throwing may well have been an accident, and she has no prove that it wasn't. The shove may too have been someone pushing someone else into her, she must have been pretty close to the group if they could make physical contact so easily, especially if she then turned round and shoved one of them.
    I'm not sure that shoving them back is an instinct, I have run ins with unruly kids outside of school before and I honestly don't think I would retaliate towards them, think that is just the teacher in me.
    As for taking it further/following her home etc, I doubt it would even cross their minds. They were larking about and didn't appreciate being told what to do and so acted in a very juvenile way, hence the ' verbal assault'
    All that said, if it became an isse and they did begin to target her then it could be reported. For now I would just put it down to a bad trip to the train station. To be honest it could have been a lot of worse in some cities, with some kids.
     
  14. afterdark

    afterdark Lead commenter

    No. The orginal poster is not person herself...
    The person who pushed is still free to make the assertion that she was off balance [she had been pushed].
    Personally I advocate avoiding students outside of work, when possible. Sadly what has been described is yet another case of assault by a student that will go unpunished.
    Speaking from personal experience the police may well be glad to hear from the adult. The students may well already have several police records between them. The school might not like it but I am sick of this somehow being used as criterion as to when teacher are allowed and not allowed the same rights as everyone else.
    I find it is helpful to nip these things in the bud.
     
  15. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    Yes, that was obvious from the outset . . . . how does your comment affect the fact that she was not defending herself, she was retaliating to phaving ossibly been pushed?
     
  16. dogcat

    dogcat New commenter

    I think it is a tad extreme to assume that they have police records between them, just because they had a cake fight and shouted some abuse!
     

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