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Feeling so Down and in a rut

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by disguise, Apr 4, 2012.

  1. Just wanting to vent really... actually that's not entirely true, I also want someone to talk to - some company - but not necessarily sympathy or anything like it. I feel so down and depressed right now. It's a combination of things. I feel like I am losing touch with friends, I have no work/life balance, I'm not enjoying my job, I feel unable to make new friends so spend a lot of time alone. I don't really know what I want to achieve from this post except that I want someone to say they understand I suppose. It comes to something when the only place you feel you can seek company is in an internet forum. I visited my Aunt earlier hoping to chat to her about how I feel but found myself unable to, instead listening to her life and what she'd been up to, where she was going on holiday, what friends she'd seen. I felt unable to say 'I don't feel I have any friends and those I do have I no longer see and I envy.' That's a terrible thing to say, I know but it is true. I should probably say now for those who don't know my posts from personal that I have a history of depression so I am not sure if this is 'just another episode' or something more.
     
  2. Hi, I am sorry that you are feeling so down. I have felt the way you have described in the past, although I know our circumstances are probably very different. Are you on any medication? x
     
  3. Not currently but have been in the past. Twice. Both times I weaned myself off after discussing with the doctor. I have not had to take anything for about 3 years now.
     
  4. I think that if it is any consolation, everybody has moments of feeling like this and I often do at the start of a holiday, especially in the spring/summer when the weather is nice (although it's been pretty horrible here today!) as I feel pressured to be going out having fun, but that isn't always possible.
    Do you think it is actually the case that you don't have any friends, or is it more that you are finding you don't want to see them because of feeling low? I don't have a partner and live alone; I don't mind this as a rule but just lately I have been finding it difficult. People often suggest "getting out more" but the truth is there is only so much "going out" you can do, in terms of finances as well as actual companionship, so even if I see one of my friends for three hours every day that still leaves me a good nine to fill, and that can make for very lonely days.
    I do think though that not enjoying your job is a huge aspect of life, you simply have to be happy. Isn't applying elsewhere an option? I do feel that a change is as good as a rest but you sometimes have to be quite brave to do it, but I promise that when you do you won't regret it. You could move elsewhere in the country, or even abroad, you could do anything but above everything else I think you have to have something to look forward to.
     
  5. Hi happyrabbit. I will try and answer each aspect of your post. Firstly, I do think that feeling down is part of why I don't see my friends. Wallowing in self pity or whatever it is, it makes me unsociable. The other part is that my close friends , good friends, are all married with kids now and I am neither and feel rather left out by this through no fault of theirs or mine. Whenever we do meet up the conversation is always either about their families or about how we will 'find me a man' which just makes me feel like a loser, frankly. I know they mean well though. The only friends who I see who do not fit this category are twice my age and although young at heart I feel I can't keep calling on them for nights out as it's not fair. I feel I should go and make new friends but despite my apparent confidence, I am very shy around new people and am not the type to go out alone and just make friends. Making friends with other people around is hard because you're chatting to current friends and so it goes on. Last night I went online looking for local events where I might meet new people and found nothing that interested me. As for my job, I have had two interviews recently and didn't get either, despite being told by many people including my current HT that they were 'convinced' I'd get them both. So now my confidence is knocked on top of everything else. I also commute so all my old hobbies I used to have which I did in the evenings and had friends at I can no longer keep up as I am always so tired. Recently, when I was very stressed at work and pretty much crying the whole way home, my sister told me that I needed to look for new jobs (did that), join a gym (can't afford to) and get out there as I was only 28 and needed to sort myself out and not worry about being tired all the time. This may well be the case and again I know she said it in a way that was meant to be encouraging but I just feel I can't sort my life out. I currently get up in the morning because I have to more than anything else. I tend to find a short term project and focus all my energies on it but when it stops or I get bored of it, I am back to square one. Examples recently - buy a new car, Christmas, paint the kitchen, declutter the flat, try and sell the flat, look for new flats, and so it goes on. they keep me busy for a day or so and then in the evening or when they are over with I am back to here again. For a few months now I have found myself very emotional. I put it down to lots of things - I am a generally emotionally driven person so this is not hugely unusual. However, recently even when I have been in a good mood the slightest thing can make me want to cry. I recently came off the pill for medical reasons so I put it down to that. Then stress at work. Then the fact it's winter. I am running out of excuses. I really don't want to go back on medication. It makes me feel a failure. I have considered taking st john's wort now I am off the pill (you can't take it on the pill as it affects it somehow), as this is herbal and so in my head more acceptable. Ridiculous, I know. I think also if I end up back on medication is it an admission that I am 'ill' again. Talking of being ill, I have been non stop ill (in the usual sense) for about a month now which I have been told is probably down to stress or, as one person at work said, my 'soul is sick' (I hope he meant in the 'ill' sense!) and I 'need a break' - this is a very intuitive person at work who knows me slightly better than others as none of them know me too well. Sorry, I have rambled a bit. And sorry for the lack of paragraphs - I use google chrome.
     
  6. Hi disguise - I use google chrome too so there will be no paragraphs in my reply either! I'm sorry you are feeling so low - I went through a period when I was much younger when I felt I had no friends so I simply forced myself into accepting every invitation I received (even if I didn't want to) and somehow I increased my circle of friends in that way. Since then, I have made every effort to maintain freindships, even when it is hard and I am tired - a text doesn't take too much energy. I have never suffered from depression but have gone through a particularly terrible time with my partner recently, who has been extremely poorly and had refused to take medication. He finally relented and the impact of the anti depressants seems to be fantastic. We have had long chats about his reluctance to take it and, like you, he felt like a bit of a failure about doing so. However, as I have pointed out, would it be 'failing' to take medication for diabetes or pneumonia? If you need the medecine to make you feel better, then try and it and see if it works and it might help you to look at all aspects of your life more positively - and help you make some decisions about where you want your life to go. :)
     
  7. Thanks LooLoo, I take your point about the diabetes etc but somehow to me it seems different, even though it shouldn't. I have never admitted to anyone in my family I have depression. If they've guessed then that's totally down to them I have never told them. In fact I was with my partner for a year and a half (broke up just before Christmas - but this was a good thing) and I never told him either. In the past people I have opened up to are no longer around for one reason or another. Not because they legged it or gave up on me but either way they no longer are here and so in my head anyone I tell disappears. I am feeling better today, if only marginally. But I saw something in a magazine earlier called meetup.com where you meet people with similar interests. So I am going to try that out.
     
  8. meetup.com sounds like a great idea - I would say definitely go for it! It is a shame that you feel you can't open up about your depression but it's understandable at the same time as I know that people can react to it in different ways. If you're still feeling low in the near future perhaps some counselling or therapy might be useful as an alternative to medication - it's certainly something that a lot of GPs see as an option these days. However, you might find that some lifestyle changes make all the difference anyway and that you don't need any further help. Good luck with whatever you try and I hope you begin to feel even more positive very soon.
     
  9. Thanks. I have also had counselling in the past - at least 3 times. But I see what you're saying. There is another website too called drinkingpartners.com - it's not just to meet people for drinks though from what I can gather.
     
  10. Hi Disguise.
    I can relate to a lot of points in your posts. Meetup.com is a really good idea; I've just come back from dinner with about 20 people! It's very secure too, so people don't get your contact details etc unless you choose to give them out.
    Even if you don't want to go back on meds, it might be worth checking in with your GP anyway. If you've been unwell for a while, a general blood test could rule out any other underlying physical conditions that are making you feel down.
    Do you have anything planned for tomorrow? I try to go for a walk every day during the holidays, even if only for 20 minutes. It's good to get out of the house!
    Good luck.
     
  11. wiemaranerlover

    wiemaranerlover New commenter

    Not quite sure what practical help I am able to give, but I am thinking of you.
     
  12. I'm sorry you're feeling this way disguise...
    I know exactly how you feel. I know that posting on TES has been a lifeline for me, when things get really tough... keep posting. You'll get lots of support here.
    Thinking of you...
     
  13. Thanks everyone. I have kept myself busy this weekend by doing more DIY around my flat (which I am selling) and also seeing family on Easter Sunday. It's taken my mind off things a little. I am mindful that the holidays are coming to an end. This concerns me as I am really not happy at work recently. I will try meetup.com but have had no reply from drinkingpartners yet. I think because I have seen people over the last few days I feel slightly better but will see how things progress between now and the end of the week. I appreciate all your replies. Please keep them coming because it stops me feeling lonely in an odd way!
     
  14. Oh and whoever suggested a blood test - I am petrified of needles!
     
  15. Hi, disguise... hope you're still feeling a bit better. I've got no real advice to offer, as I think I'm feeling like you're feeling!
    I've spent the last five days of the holidays either doing nothing, or doing lots of outside work..... the only thing I've found from reading books on depression/anxiety is that motivation follows action... so keeping busy, as you have been doing, is bound to help.

    Like you, I'm dreading going back to work. It's not that I don't enjoy teaching, but just there's so much to be done, that I'm in a blind panic not knowing where to start. Life just seems so complicated sometimes, doesn't it?

    Anyway, just wanted you to know that you're not alone in this........

    Keep posting....

    There's also lots of us on Entertainment, who've just come through a rough year or so with various problems, and we've cheered each other up and helped each other through some awful times.... some of the games are completely mindles (!), but there is a real feeling of community there, so if you just want some company, and some cheering up, come and join us... x
     
  16. Glad you are keeping busy, Disguise. The 'motivation follows action' point is very true. Good luck for next week!
     
  17. How is being back at work disguise? I hope the thought of it was worse than the reality :)
     
  18. Hi Looloo, The first day was awful - felt like crying all day. Since then it's got slightly better. Still a few off moments but generally ok. The whole place just has a negative vibe at the moment - even the kids. I have asked someone for a different form group next year - will probably fall on deaf ears but one can try! How about you?
     
  19. Glad work is bearable-ish for you. Hope you have something lovely planned for the weekend?
     
  20. Ah sadly I am almost penniless til Thursday so it's mainly a weekend of running errands but I made myself a nice spag bol, am drinking some wine and will soon watch a film :)
     

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