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Discussion in 'Personal' started by ff392, Sep 7, 2011.
Maybe I was being optimistic after such a short time - I was married for a long time !
You've been strong. You've made your mind up. Put it to the back of your mind if you can by keeping busy.
Hah ! Easily said than done.
Busy is the key - wish I could whisk forward 6 months to see how I am feeling !!
Oh the luxuary of only worrying about oneselves niceties only!!! Grow up.
But what about the luxury of having lots and lots of people to worry about when one is as grown up as you, huevos?
Worrying about others is not the same as feeling sad for oneself. I only do productive worry and it never makes me sad: it makes me emboldened.
And now in English...?
huevosranchero - I am sure you didn't mean to sound like a completely emotionally dysfunctional ***.
To you, not "me, me meeeeee".
Riiiiiight. You might have to get an interpreter in...
Probably not, since you are a whippersnapper, and I'm not.
It's been almost 3 years since we separated. We're still good friends and see each other regularly because of our son. We also do family days together and have just spent a week away on holiday. I still need to remind myself exactly why we split and I know that my ex will never change. Still hard though when I go round to the (old) family house.
You spend a long time with someone and sometimes you forget the bad times. Still I was round there recently and something happened and I felt the exact crippling horrible emotions that I felt when I lived there, which was a useful reminder about why we are where we are.
Time is a healer - apparently.
I am coming to the conclusion that whilst there are some sorts of pain that you can process, explain and move on from, there are others that will never quite be okay and that will always hurt, on and off, throughout your life.
And whilst some people are lucky enough to escape it altogether, I reckon that most of us will at some point in our lives pick up stains and scars that are never quite going to go away.
BUT, having said that, they won't hurt all the time. It's difficult now and it wrecks, but then you'll have days where everything is fine and you feel smiley and don't mind as much. And it might come back now and then but the gaps inbetween will get bigger and gradually your life will seem more good than bad.
I think that the trick is to recognise the bad patches for what they are - patches - batten down the hatches, have a good cry, sit through out and realise that the feelings will subside again. And maybe don't aim to be 'cured' and to have 'moved on' but to accept that there will be times when you'll feel bad - you wouldn't be human if you didn't and you may as well not make things worse by beating yourself up.
Lots of luck anyway - I think you're doing a lot better than I would be.
(PS Disclaimer: If you find that the pain is chronic and is stopping you from functioning then imo that's when you head to the doctor's. But, like I said, it sounds as though you're holding up really well under an incredibly stressful situation).
Forgive me for quoting that huge chunk LY...but it was BRILLIANT.
I could have written it myself...in that I feel exactly the same way about life. That is exactly how it is. I have decades on you I think, but I can say that what you have written remains true for me.
Now, bad times are just that. Bad times, and things may improve, get worse or be bad for a while, but I know that (to resort to a corny cliche) the sun after the rain causes a rainbow...and despite all it's ups, downs, hardships, tears, smiles and joys, life is worth living, even though we have to adjust, with the pain of a broken heart, many, many times over before it ends.
Keep on truckin'.
(Something we said in the '70s - there was a song of the same name )
Oh well good for you!
What a charmed life you live if worries don't sadden you or bring you down, even temporarily. Are you made of flesh and blood?
If only we were all as super-human.....
I'd rather live a life with sadness and down times that leaves me an empathetic human being, than be permanently happy and hardened to the feelings of others.
Although I strongly suspect that this poster's initial post was designed to provoke a reaction.
Such attention seeking behaviour in an adult would indicate some major personality problems, and I would suggest the best response would be to ignore.
To the OP, I hope you find things that will help you through such a difficult time. I can not empathise, as I have not been through it, but I think it is helpful to know that others have and have eventually found happiness again. As Robyn said, remember why you are where you are, it's very easy to look back with rose tinted glasses. Each day that you get through will be a step towards your new life.
Thank you, but it's not me really, it's my brill mum. Whenever I've rung her up in bits her first question is "have you eaten?" followed by "how much sleep did you have?" Then she lets me complain for a while and then says "Oh well, you might as well write this evening off and watch a DVD. Do you have any chocolate?"
That's how I feel about it. It's difficult to remember from the depths that things won't bother you as much in a while but it's always true.