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Feeling lost and lonely

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by Jenm2000y2k, Jul 24, 2011.

  1. Hi all
    Obviously just finished school for summer holidays and
    due my first baby in 3 weeks. However already feeling lost, bored and
    impatient knowing I wont be going back to school in September.

    And I dont want to sound like I dont want this little fella/missus that
    is totally not the case - Im totally looking forward to a whole new
    chapter in my life. And yes I know I will be busy with a newborn. But
    cant help feeling like Im missing a massive part of my life by not being
    part of school in September and having no work to got back to.
    Any advice appreciated.
     
  2. What's your situation - will you be able to return to your job after maternity leave? In which case you could look at this as just a temporary situation - e.g. I don't have work to go back to in September but I can look forward to returning to work in April or whenever you're going back.
    I don't think there's anything you can do to make these feelings go away - perhaps just accept them as part of this big change in your life. Be aware that you may feel very, very different when your baby arrives - you may be posting on here in a few months saying that you are dreading going back to work!
    Good luck with everything.
     
  3. Hi, I was in a similar situation last year. However, my baby was due the middle of September and I broke up at the beginning of July so I had 10 weeks worth of time to kill! Altho a fair few of my friends and family are teachers (so I could spend time with them once their schools had finished) I had recently moved about an hour away from most people I was close to.
    All I would advise is to plan stuff, but things that you can happily do on your own, or with a baby, to keep yourself busy. There will inevitably be times once your LO is born where you want to get out and about but there is no one to play with! Learning to enjoy my own company did not come naturally to me at all, but in the end I learnt to be selfish during those weeks of waiting. I did lots of things that I knew I probably wouldn't have the time, or inclination, to do once LO had arrived. I watched lots of box sets of things I had always planned to, read lots of books, swum alot and cooked lots of new recipies and froze them (a life saver for those first few weeks).
    Look into things you can do once your baby is here. Surestart centres are great and offer loads of things where you will be able to meet other mums in similar situations, mine did a postnatal course when LO was about 8 weeks old and I still see 2 of the mums from that. I was also lucky enough to be introduced to a friend of a friend with the same due date as me and we just 'clicked' so we see her and her son about once a week. We do music and swimming classes and sometimes attend a playgroup. Mostly, we are ladies that lunch! Altho, at peoples houses as it's cheaper and easier.
    Your life will change totally, but I have really enjoyed my time off with LO (she's now 10 months) and I'm sure you will too.
     
  4. kittenmittens

    kittenmittens New commenter

    Agree with lots of this- my baby was born mid December last year and I finished work at October half term (first day back was my 'official' start of mat leave). I couldn't have kept going, being full-time primary with a challenging class and working 10 hour days, but this left me with 7 weeks before my baby was born. I kept being told by midwives that she would be early but she wasn't- 4 days late in fact! At first it was great- I did lots of cleaning to get jobs out of the way that I wouldn't eb able to do when baby was here, watched films, read books, had walks, got the nursery ready, did Christmas shopping, baking, organising, etc. But then it became very hard to move around comfortably (I'm very small and baby wasn't as tiny as I thought), couldn't drive, friends were at work, then the snow came. I cried every day towards the end willing her to be born!
    Looking back I would have tried to make contact with mums during this time- going to a breastfeeding cafe (BF didn't work out but hey ho), NCT bumps and babies, daytime antenatal etc. I would also have tried to keep more active and plan more to do with friends at weekends etc to have things to look forward to. I had a huge fear of going into labour early which meant I was tied to the house which gave me too much time to worry about the birth, which was actually ok! Definitely look up surestart centres and baby groups near you to have some idea of what's going on. I was out of the house every day from when LO was 4 weeks old, having been cooped up for so long whilst pregnant. Not everyone's cup of tea but I still get out and about a lot now and have made some great friends. Good luck x
     
  5. I completely sympathise. I left work feeling so sad and knowing I wanted to go back. Although it has taken me a little longer than I expected (LO is 8 months and I just returned before the holidays) I was happy to be back at work (if knackered!)
    Passing the time- get things ready, shop if you can, make some 'baby' friends if you can. Enjoy napping! My LO was 2 weeks late and I was a bit frantic by then but knowing a couple of other pregnant people (one of whom went over 16 days) helped fill the time. Things are going to change, but you will get some of your old life back at some point- if you want to!
     
  6. I guess you're not doing NCT classes? I'm still great friends with the people from mine, but a friend of mine didn't do them so she went on babycentre and arranged to meet up with people from our town- now she has a close network of friends who all still see eachother regularly although their LOs are 2/3 years old.
     
  7. kittenmittens

    kittenmittens New commenter

    Yes, I've done this too- it can be daunting meeting people from online but I have made two lovely friends from the Netmums website. There is a meet-a-mum board which is local so you can see who's psoted adverts wanting to meet up in your area, or post your own, exchange emails then meet somewhere neutral eg for coffee. A bit like internet dating really! But why not? Every person you meet might then introduce you to another friend, or invite you to a gathering or ask you to a baby group with them. I wasn't brave enough to post my own details but replied to a few people with babies of a similar age and we got on really well.
    Also we have had a TES winter babies meet twice now [​IMG]
     

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