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Feeling like I can't cope...

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by lbnblbnb, Feb 7, 2011.

  1. Feel a bit over dramatic starting my own thread, but on the other hand I don't feel able to highjack someone else's thread with my own worries.
    My anxiety levels are sky high, to the point where I feel like I am tipping into depression. Job (HoF) seems far too much too cope with, I am relatively ok in the day when it is go go go, when I get home I am a blubbering wreck and have no energy for my OH or my lovely kids. I know things aren't right but feel trapped: my OH isn't working. I have had depression before and can feel all the danger signs building up. I have rung a counsellor this evening to ask for an appointment but haven't heard anything back yet (answerphone).
    I feel so alone. My OH is understanding but I can't begin to communicate with him just how low I feel. I seem to be supporting everyone else and doing it well but no one seems to notice or "get" how low I am. Does that sound like competitive depression??!!
    Sorry for ranting.

     
  2. Feel a bit over dramatic starting my own thread, but on the other hand I don't feel able to highjack someone else's thread with my own worries.
    My anxiety levels are sky high, to the point where I feel like I am tipping into depression. Job (HoF) seems far too much too cope with, I am relatively ok in the day when it is go go go, when I get home I am a blubbering wreck and have no energy for my OH or my lovely kids. I know things aren't right but feel trapped: my OH isn't working. I have had depression before and can feel all the danger signs building up. I have rung a counsellor this evening to ask for an appointment but haven't heard anything back yet (answerphone).
    I feel so alone. My OH is understanding but I can't begin to communicate with him just how low I feel. I seem to be supporting everyone else and doing it well but no one seems to notice or "get" how low I am. Does that sound like competitive depression??!!
    Sorry for ranting.

     
  3. You are not alone. So many teachers are in the same situation and it makes me so angry nothing seems to be done about it. Ive been signed off with stress today as not coping at all. Your mental health is way more important than your job. As are your family. It has taken me to the verge of a breakdown to realise that. I'm not a skiver and want to work, as do most others but it's the same story- no support from school and ignoring there is a problem until it gets to the point people can't cope.
    Can you get signed off to relieve the situation short term? Do you want to stay in teaching? As all consuming as teaching is, it's only a job and no job is worth making yourself ill over.
    I know this is probably unhelpful but you are far from alone xx
     
  4. Thank you so much for replying. I haven't been to see the doctor, in the past I found them of little use and found counselling much more helpful, although possibly slower than anit-ds. I was off sick today with no voice and a throat infection, which I am sure is partly due to stress.
    I honestly don't know if I do want to stay in teaching, but feel trapped. OH isn't working and I am the breadwinner. I could lose my HoF role (but not instantly) but suspect straight classroom teaching would be equally stressful.
    I can't see a way forward, which is really frightening me as I am usually one to get on with it and find solutions.
    How about you? Do you have at least some sense of relief now you have been signed off? Hugs to you, it is so rotten for a job I did love to be doing this to us.
    xx
     
  5. I don't know quite what to say - but I just wanted to say hang on in there. I'm sure your counsellor with call first thing in the morning. If you're noticing the signs, do something about it now. Depression is horrible. I totally understand how you feel. For me, I am just trying to take each moment as it happens - minute by minute - this helps me to get through each hour, day, week... Your family love you and once you speak to someone it really will help.

    Sorry I couldn't say more. Good luck. Stay strong.
     
  6. Thank you very much. I am hanging on the counsellor ringing back as an important step really. Bit confronting as I have never used a counsellor round here - not for 15 years! - so am having to take a step in the dark really.
    Good luck to you too, hope you can get through.
    x
     
  7. Why don't you go to sleep now (if you can) I find that lack of sleep also makes me feel worse. Then I'm tired and stressed and then it seems like a vicious circle. Is the counsellor a 24 hrs thing? Will you need to wait up? Let us know what happens.
     
  8. My dr was amazing. I didn't want to be signed off as don't want to let people down, he just said there was no way I could do my job properly with the state I'm in. I have a huge sense of relief now. We discussed that although will have to take a pay cut, I have loads of transferrable skills and although teaching is the only thing I've ever done, why should I stay with a job I hate? It's a hard decision but I feel loads better now I've made it. Can your oh not go back to work? I think too many teachers stick with teaching out of an obligation and cos we're so concentious. This often means we put ourselves after family, friends, colleagues and students and it's no wonder so many of us burn out.
    I really hope you feel better. Even though I've made the scariest decision of my life, I now can think beyond another 30 years of dreading going to work and working a 65 hour week in a relentless and often thankless job.
    Xx
     
  9. No, I think the counsellor is likely to leave a message tomorrow.
    Hot bath.
    Hot chocolate.
    Relaxation CD (no whale music!).
    Thanks Tutti.

     
  10. I am glad to hear your doctor was good. I am still battling with feeling a failure if I go to the doctor. My dad was a workaholic (really) and I guess I have some of those traits.
    OH would find it very hard to get back into the work he was doing. I think I have supported him for long enough though (it was supposed to be a career change but has turned into no career). He does do lots round the house and with the kids, but I feel I need some support. Not used to speaking up for my needs.
     
  11. I feel like a massive failure. Terrified of phoning work tomorrow and telling them I've been signed off. I feel like I've overreacted massively and that I'm weak. I'm terrified of colleagues looking down on me. I'm terrified of not getting a new job cos they'll think I'm a failure. But the sooner I get out of the situation that is causing me to feel like this the better. Other people change careers all the time so why do we all feel like such failures? I hope that you get a good nights sleep and feel a teeny tiny bit better in the morning xx
     
  12. God I do feel for you. Do you have to be specific? What does it say on your sick note? I have known people say they have a virus, or that they are run down.
    I have only been teaching for 12 years but I have known far too many people off with stress and I think the general staffroom reaction (if it is talked about at all, most people are discreet and understanding) is there but for the grace of god go I...



     
  13. I know so many teachers who have had time off with stress/anxiety/depression, called it just that, had to take time off again and still got over it and went back. Your career isn't over because you've hit a sticky patch unless you want it to be.
    If you're fed up with being the breadwinner in a stressful job while hubby gets the (I don't care who argues the opposite) infinitely less stressful job of looking after the kids (are they at school?) and doing some of the housework, it is time you made your feelings clear to him if only to stimulate him into getting something. You could go part-time for example, if he was doing something paid rather than nothing.
    The other alternatives are that you get yourself signed off so you still have money coming in and have a proper rest; or that you ask your GP for antidepressants to help you cope with the job if you decide to carry on.
     
  14. Sorry for the huge chuck of 'quote' there apricot, but I do hope it's read by all those who find teaching is bringing them down. I suspect the problem is widespread.
    Towards the end of my career I just didn't want to do the job any more. It held no joys for me, but it was making me feel extremely anxious - in school and out of school.I couldn't switch off even though I was doing a good job in school. Stress was making me ill and draining me of the joy I should have felt when I wasn't working.
    I got out early and I know that option isn't open to everyone. With the benefit of hindsight (a wonderful thing....sigh) I now know I should have cut my losses in my twenties and followed my heart into something that I loved doing. I used to enjoy teaching but the job changed so much that all the things about it that I was naturally good at were squeezed out and the endless daily pressures took away the part that should have been fun - being in front of the students.
    I know people have financial obligations, but I know so many unhappy teachers...some of them in their 40s and 50s...others fairly new to the job and in their 20s.
    It's interesting that you say you felt a sense of relief once you'd made the decision to get out. I have lost count of the number of times I have read that remark on here.
    That sense of relief still hasn't left me! I have been out of teaching for over five years now and I STILL feel a sense of glee/happiness that I am not in my car driving to school in the morning. How many thread do we have from teachers feeling depressed, anxious, weepy and not wanting to return to school? Those are just the teachers who bother writing about it.
    I guess my contribution is just to mention that those feelings are felt by so many others. Those people dreading returning to school - don't feel alone and somehow defective and inadequate even though you are a conscientious teacher..
    Such feelings - that you cannot cope with the pressure and stresses of the job - are capable of bringing you down to a low place which affects all you do..destroys life's pleasures. It seems a common phenomenon. A job shouldn't do that to a person, should it?
     
  15. Thanks so much arched eyebrow! Can I ask how you left teaching and got another job? I've applied for 7 today. I'm mindful not to jump into just anything though, they're all jobs I think I'd enjoy and be good at. My dr was amazing and truly inspirational. If we hated going to work in an office, bank or shop would we stick at it for years? Most people wouldn't. I'm beginning to understand that now, life is for making mistakes and changes and that's how I'll learn. Plus I'm only in my mid 20s so have loads of time to figure out what I want to do! So we might have a few years not going out to eat so much, or not going on as many city breaks but my oh has said he'd rather that and have me back to my old happy self than being a weeping, miserable, exhausted wreck that sleeps through city breaks and is worried about work when we eat out. I'm sorry if this is rambling on loads about me but I do just hope people who are in the same situation can see an alternative. Sorry again for being self indulgent but I feel better than I have in years! But that might be down to the nice long nap I've just had! Xx
     
  16. [​IMG] for apricot240
    [​IMG] for Tutti
    [​IMG] for Lilyofthefield
    I feel considerably better today, a couple of major deadlines down and a big meeting over with. You lot were absolutely great to reply to me last night. In the dark hours of late evening things can seem very bleak.
    I know I need to sort things out, have had a reply from the counsellor and OH is talking about what we can do to make things better.
    A long hot soak in the bath tonight and a very early night I think!
    apricot240, good luck with the job applications.
    L x
     

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