It's taken me a long time to admit it but I think my depression is back. When I found out I was pregnant I stopped taking my antidepressants 'cold turkey' as I didn't know if they were safe or not. After coming off them I started suffering from low moods from time to time but just blamed the pregnancy hormones. Over Christmas I noticed that I was feeling lower than usual and was getting extremely emotional over everything but again I blamed hormones and didn't twig that it could be the old depression coming back. We went back to school last week after the holidays and I struggled - the stupidly long working days have alreayd taken their toll (private school where I have to work until 6pm two days a week, until 7pm one day and I have to work Saturdays until 1pm), I found that I was crying in the car on the way to work - not because I had to work but because I was worrying about things irrationally 'what if I crash and then my mobile doesn't work and then some nutter comes along and tries to kill me and I can't call for help' etc etc - crazy I know. I was crying at my desk during my free periods, just unable to stop worrying about my baby - 'what if something goes wrong? what if she dies? what if I go into labour early?' I feel like a complete failure for feeling this way. Being pregnant is the most amazing thing and anything to do with my baby makes me so happy - it's the rest of the world that makes me scared and sad. I can't get away from this total fear that I don't deserve to be happy and that something will go wrong with my baby because the cosmos will decide that i'm not worthy. Everyone says that pregnancy is supposed to be a happy time and so I feel even more like a failure for feeling down. I am just so scared of everything. I've been battling into work this past week as my HT told me back in October that if I had any more time off ill that he wouldn't pay me (private school -they can do what they like, especially since I only started there in September - I was very very ill for 2 weeks that first term and was signed off) so I have been scared to have any time off as I can't afford not to be paid. My work haven't done a risk assessment for me or anything and no one up high has asked about my pregnancy so I haven't been in a position to raise any issues with them. I am still expected to work my normal hours and duties - including weekend duties (Sat afternoons and all day Sunday 3 times a term). I've got a doctors appointment for this evening but I couldn't get in to see my normal Dr so I don't know what they will say or do. I can't afford to be signed off work but I also can't function the way that I am right now - I know it's not good for the baby. Not sure why i've posted all this, I think I just needed to vent. It would be nice to hear from anyone else that has suffered while pregnant and come out the other side.